confusedgirrl

This has been going on for too long and I should be over it already but I am not and it really hurts. How could I have ever believed you when you said you loved me, if you really did you would be with me but you are not. I cant do this anymore I cant be around for you only when it is convenient to you. All I am getting out of this so called friendship is heartache and I am tired of it. Lets just agree to be people who work together and leave it at that, we can never be anything more.

I was a fool to believe you actually wanted to get back together, I should have never put myself in this position. To think I almost told you I love you, I can see that the word love does not mean anything to you if you can use it so indiscriminately. Have a nice life I want nothing more to do with you.

so you have probably been at work for at least 30 mins now and you havent emailed me. I usually get a good morning or wake up within 5 mins of you being at work but today I get nothing. I kinda expected this to happen, this is always what happens with you, I get so caught up in you and do something stupid and you withdraw from me and leave me hurting until you decide I am worthy of your attention again. I cant do it anymore, I wont do it anymore, I am tired of feeling like this. Just let me get on with living my life without you in it.

How dare you, how dare you try to blame me for all the crap that happened, it was my moodiness that made you think things couldnt work between us. I am done playing your stupid games. I pour my heart out to you again like an idiot and all I get is I'm sorry. Well you can continue to miss me, you have made you decision now live with it. You dont have to deal with this anymore I am done. I dont care anymore.

i wish I was over this. I have made a promise to myself to not ask you anythng about your move to your new apartment and that person moving in with you. I dont want to know, I dont want to know. I am slowly giving up and stopping wishing we would be getting back together. I reallly think I am getting over you. Slowly but surely I will.

And now some 3 hours later, after the crap this morning you send me an email saying you dont know if to say sorry because you dont know what you have done so you are just saying hi? Really? Seriously? Is this the best you can do? See how it feels when I ignore you? Get used to it cause its going to be like that for a long time.

I wont tell you this because I refuse to talk to you no email no phone call no nothing. I just had an epipany of sorts; you are a very selfish person. I dont know why I didnt see it before but maybe I didnt want to admit it. I am so tired of putting up with your games that you claim you dont play. You ignore me when you feel like and I am not supposed to say anything or get angry about it, but if I ignore you, you get angry and tell me I am treating you badly. This friends thing cannot work with us, I was just fooling myself thinking that it could. I just want to not care about you. Is that too much to ask? You came to work yesterday in whatever mood you were in, I asked if anything was wrong you said no and I let it end there although you were still acting weird, I came to work this morning and I didnt speak to you and it is an issue. You barely spoke to me at all yesterday, you were at home all last night and did not make one attempt to talk to me but I must always be happy to see you and talk to you. Well forgive me if I dont feel like being used today you only seem to want to talk to me when you have no one else to talk to. Do you think that you are doing me a favor by being or pretending to be my friend? I am tired of it and it ends here, no more accepting your scraps of attention if you really want to be my friend you have to work for it but until then goodbye.

Why do i fall for your empty promises each time? If you really wanted to spend time with me these past 2 days you would have made the time no one who is on vacation is that busy but like a fool I believed you, a part of me didnt expect to hear you yesterday after you were finished your errands and you didnt disappoint. No call, no text, no nothing and being the fool I am I call you today and surprise surprise you dont answer your phone. I wait and see tomorrow if you pull your lame ' oh i havent heard you all weekend' line or if when you get back to work on monday and I am still on vacation if you try to talk to me then. Why cant you just stick with your miserable ex and leave me alone? you dont want me so just go away and take all your lies and empty promises with you. I am tired of this crap.