Women's attraction - short term?

[billya]

Does anybody think that women's attraction is short term? I really don't understand how somebody would be totally crazy about somebody else and then, in a few months, lose that attraction. I find that most women that I have seen lose interest easily.

 

What can be done to prevent this?

[annie24]

i lose interest when i see the guy has no interest in me, or isn't making an effort.

[flash83]

Does anybody think that women's attraction is short term? I really don't understand how somebody would be totally crazy about somebody else and then, in a few months, lose that attraction. I find that most women that I have seen lose interest easily.

 

What can be done to prevent this?

 

everyone's interest level is different. you can't just generalize and say 'woman's attraction is short term'.

 

there are a million factors that come into play when deciding how long an attraction will last. you are going to have to narrow it down for us by explaining your situation more thoroughly.

[Scorpion Fury]

i lose interest for many different reasons, often specific to the individual.

[GernBlanston]

i lose interest when i see the guy has no interest in me, or isn't making an effort.

How about if he has too much interest in you and is making too much of an effort? It can be particularly tricky for a guy to get it just right.

[l0vel0rn]

I’m sure some women could make the same claim about men. I think it’s pretty common to lose interest in someone that shows little or no interest in you. Moving on would be near impossible without that ability. I like to think of it like a fire. If you keep putting wood on it, it will burn longer. If you give it no fuel, it will eventually die out. If you want to prevent a woman losing interest in you, pay attention to her and show her some interest back. One sided love affairs simply don’t work.

[waveseer]

I’m sure some women could make the same claim about men. I think it’s pretty common to lose interest in someone that shows little or no interest in you. Moving on would be near impossible without that ability. I like to think of it like a fire. If you keep putting wood on it, it will burn longer. If you give it no fuel, it will eventually die out. If you want to prevent a woman losing interest in you, pay attention to her and show her some interest back. One sided love affairs simply don’t work.

 

You have hit the nail on the head.

[flash83]

one-sided love affairs is one way to describe it, but i think a more accurate statement would be that both sides need 'mutual attraction'. the weird thing is that it can see-saw back and forth until the relationship dies.

[cruzer]

One sided love affairs simply don’t work.

 

Which is exactly why u do not do anything special to prevent male or female from losing interest in you.

 

You be yourself and if they move on, they move on. you cannot go your whole life/relationship doing special things that are not you to keep them from running.

 

you will eventually find someone who u do nothing special to keep them around, and they will never lose interest in you.

[Scorpion Fury]

Sometimes the problem is that people expect too much too early on. Just because someone is into a person doesn't mean that they will be forever or that they're obligated to be. "I like spending time with you and I think you are so hot" does not= "Let's get married".

[Scorpion Fury]

Which is exactly why u do not do anything special to prevent male or female from losing interest in you.

 

You be yourself and if they move on, they move on. you cannot go your whole life/relationship doing special things that are not you to keep them from running.

 

you will eventually find someone who u do nothing special to keep them around, and they will never lose interest in you.

 

great post.

[GernBlanston]

If you want to prevent a woman losing interest in you, pay attention to her and show her some interest back. One sided love affairs simply don’t work.

But be careful not to show too much interest, or she'll feel you're being needy and smothering her.

[l0vel0rn]

Which is exactly why u do not do anything special to prevent male or female from losing interest in you.

 

You be yourself and if they move on, they move on. you cannot go your whole life/relationship doing special things that are not you to keep them from running.

 

you will eventually find someone who u do nothing special to keep them around, and they will never lose interest in you.

 

You are correct in one way. The thing I am referring to is ignoring someone, or choosing to deliberately mask your feelings towards them. If someone takes the initiative to try and talk to you, to ask you out, or do anything to show some level of interest, you cannot ignore them or pretend to have no real interest in them and expect them to continue caring. You have to be willing to show that you are interested in return. And we all have to do something special now and then to make the object of our desire feel special to us. To think otherwise is to set oneself up for failure over and over again.

[LightbulbSun]

i lose interest when i see the guy has no interest in me, or isn't making an effort.

 

What kind of effort?

[servedcold]

Seems that men's attraction has a tendency to tail off some once they get sex and women's seems to tail off once a prospective BBD comes on the scene.

 

Am beginning to think we were designed for polyamory and have forced monogamy on ourselves for strictly cultural reasons (the primary reason maybe being child raising past the point of the child's ability to care for itself)

[servedcold]

BBD = "bigger better deal" here on ENA it's usually referred to as GIGS, "grass is greener syndrome."

[cruzer]

You are correct in one way. The thing I am referring to is ignoring someone, or choosing to deliberately mask your feelings towards them. If someone takes the initiative to try and talk to you, to ask you out, or do anything to show some level of interest, you cannot ignore them or pretend to have no real interest in them and expect them to continue caring. You have to be willing to show that you are interested in return. And we all have to do something special now and then to make the object of our desire feel special to us. To think otherwise is to set oneself up for failure over and over again.

 

I said do not hide your feelings, be yourself. that means dont ignore someone u like, or mask your feelings towards them.

 

I do nothing special to my girl, i want to be with her and cuddle with her and thats what we do, and she cant get enough of it. we have not even been on a real date. it took me over a week to kiss her, think she cared?

 

Its perfectly fine to do something special for someone, but doing something that is not you, just to try and ensure they will stay connected to you, is too much work. A relationship is not supposed to be like that. It should be natural and wanted by both without the need for added work to keep one interested.

 

maybe im wrong, maybe im off a little, but thats how i feel and thats whats working for me.

[Iakasot]

Does anybody think that women's attraction is short term? I really don't understand how somebody would be totally crazy about somebody else and then, in a few months, lose that attraction. I find that most women that I have seen lose interest easily.

 

What can be done to prevent this?

 

It's short term if you stop showing attractive traits, show unattractive traits, or they grow bored with the attractive traits that made them fall for you. The attraction isn't "locked in", as many girls may try to get you to think. They're not gonna be with you forever if you break down one day and cry over something that they see as stupid, or become needy, or don't show confident body language, or lose your job. I mean the list goes on and on, there's way more turn-offs and less turn-ons for women than there are men.

 

In contrast, men's attraction usually disappears when the woman gets old, fat, or ugly. See how much simpler it is? A lot of men even keep rose colored glasses on so they don't notice their woman getting physically unattractive and still see her how she used to be. Men tend to be a lot more idealistic about love, and a lot more foolish. It does cause more suicides for men than it does for women after all. Poor guys.

 

It's really easy to get most guys interested, literally all they need to see is skin, and they're in.

 

Did this help? Attraction is short-term for both sexes, but the way in which it is short-term for women is a lot more hurtful. I'm sure that's probably part of the reason why you made this topic.

[Manco]

Sometimes people go for something they want, and then realize that its not as good as they had hoped. Sometimes, you do something that makes her crazy and you keep doing it until you're not worth the trouble any more. Sometimes she never loved you to begin with but didn't have the guts to tell you or to let you go earlier. Sometimes you get used. Sometimes you love a person but can not show it properly. Sometimes nothing is ever enough. The truth is, there are a million answers to this question, each of them being equally valid. The healthiest attitude is not to ruminate on this, but to move on. Keep moving from girl to girl that is a better match for you. Predicting people is too hard. Ask any psychologist. Always respect yourself and never forgo your values to please someone.

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that attraction is something that fades, unless there are actual physical changes. What seems to change are the perceptions of that person, than in turn can influence the decision to keep going out with that person.

[Iakasot]

I dont think that attraction is something that fades, unless there are actual physical changes. What seems to change are the perceptions of that person, than in turn can influence the decision to keep going out with that person.

What you've described is pretty much for men's attraction, men are more visual in their sexual selection. For women it's more of confidence/security. So like picture if a girl got less physically attractive because the way she looked changed. For girls it's kind of like that if a guy loses his confidence or something. Obviously not all girls are gonna get turned off, just like not all guys get turned off when a girl's physical appearance changes. It's just a general trend.

 

I understand the mistake you're making in thinking it doesn't fade, because you're judging from your own attraction, but a lot of guys and girls make the same mistake, they're not looking at it from the other gender's point-of-view/biology/hormones/etc.

 

BTW: I had a friend who used the alias Daywalker, weird huh? O_o He's definitely younger than you, and not from your state lol.

[Day_Walker]

Attraction is something that is instant, and is based on physical perception. This means that you are attracted to a person or you arent. People want to claim that attraction can be built over time but, it isnt attraction that is built instead, a person begins to reason that this person is acceptable. This reasoning is often considered to be attraction however it isnt.

 

Attraction is instant because it is something primal and biological, it isnt something is reasoned. Attaction is something that is very simple, and typically resembles the stereotypical attributes that are biologically attractive for each sex.

 

The reasoning that takes place once you get to know a person is what changes. Attraction was something that was already decided and even though people want to admit that they are no longer attracted to the person, what they really mean to say is once they learned more about a person the less the were interested in that person, even though there is still physical attraction.

[Iakasot]

For women, much of their attraction is based on what body language they saw in you when you met them. The imprint of first impression is what makes some men attractive, but not others even if the men are really similar with their looks and personality. First impressions are hard to change, but it's possible, but the fact that it's hard is why you hear things like "he ENDED UP in the friend zone", almost like he was filed into a folder when the girl met the guy. It's been proven that women go after different men than gay men do, even though they are both attracted to men. Like I said, men are more visual in their sexual selection, it's been proven time and time again, and women are more selective, leading to men being "unselected" easier, IE: loss of attraction.

 

I suggest you check out the Book: True Nature: A theory of Sexual Attraction by Michael R. Kauth.

[Day_Walker]

I am familiar with the work of Dr. Kauth as well as the interactionist theory of sexual attraction. As I am sure that you already know for the interactionist biological attraction is constantly being exploited or challenged by cultural and social conditions. I am not challenging interactionist theory or its assumptions. I am merely concerned with biological attraction, and how it is instantaneous. As interactionist theory points out each of our social and/or cultural conditions continuously battle with what is biologically attractive. I am saying that no matter what a person finds biologically attractive, that decision whether a person is biologically attractive or not occurs very quickly.

 

I am not stating that certain people may have more complex criteria to establish is a person is worthy of dating. I am saying that in for for a person to even proceed to the more complex criteria, one must pass the instantaneous biological attractiveness test.

[l0vel0rn]

I said do not hide your feelings, be yourself. that means dont ignore someone u like, or mask your feelings towards them.

 

I do nothing special to my girl, i want to be with her and cuddle with her and thats what we do, and she cant get enough of it. we have not even been on a real date. it took me over a week to kiss her, think she cared?

 

Its perfectly fine to do something special for someone, but doing something that is not you, just to try and ensure they will stay connected to you, is too much work. A relationship is not supposed to be like that. It should be natural and wanted by both without the need for added work to keep one interested.

 

maybe im wrong, maybe im off a little, but thats how i feel and thats whats working for me.

 

But you prove my point. You continue to do all the things you did to win her in the first place. And you showed interest instead of hiding it. Showing affection and spending time with the one we love should come naturally. Sometimes it doesn’t feel so natural. This could stem from hurt, humiliation or any other number of things people tend to inflict upon one another whether on purpose or not. The point is, we should never ignore or pretend we do not have feelings for someone we are interested in. Hiding your interest will doom you to failure. That was the point being made to the OP.