How can I settle down?

[Tory Barton]

I'm very adventurous and I find that I am often bored by life, and turned off by the idea of living a simple and calm lifestyle. I always want adventure and excitement, more adventure than I could ever possibly find in the world. My desire is unattainable.

 

I don't know if this makes sense, but I want to want a calm life. I want to want a steady job, steady income, steady husband and a calm life where I can enjoy the simple things. Because that's my problem, I can't enjoy the little things. I'm not content simply going to college, getting a decent job, and making steady income, being with one guy. For some reason, I always want something more. I want action, I want men, hundreds of men, I want excitement. I don't see why I can't find the excitement in my life right now. I'm pretty. I have a future ahead of me. I have loving boyfriend. Yet somehow, I always feel that being so settled is boring and it's not really in my best interest, but I want it to be. Because honestly, most of the adventurous things I crave are ridiculous, and many are not even humanely possible. How can I settle down? Do people settle down when their older? How can I be happy with what I have and stop wanting action and adventure? I wish I craved a bohemian lifestyle- that would be a lot more realistic and achievable than the lifestyle I crave.

[now_better]

i think one of the probs with life is what society/media brainwashes you to believe how you should live your life. stop watching tv, the celebrity tabloids, and anything else that doesn't contribute to your mental well-being. that's a long-term solution.

 

short-term solution? go live in a third-world country for a couple of months, when you come back, you will appreciate everything and everyone you have vastly more. (=

[Lonewing]

You sound like my ex. She got her wish, she's now with a more adventureous guy and taking the world by storm like she always does.

 

The best thing is, I'm free of her. People like you can be found all throughout literature, song and film, the girls that break others so easily.

 

What's incredible is how attractive someone like you is - everybody wants a girl like you, but nobody can hold on to you...

 

You'll never be happy holding still. It's just not you.

[In the Dark]

The media. . .thats for sure!

Live your life. . . .

Care free?

Disrespecting yourself.

Careless?

Messed up in the end?

Messing up people who truly love you along the way.

Forgetting the soul mate for the dysfunctional life?

Destroying your soul mate.

 

I believe too many people think they MUST live thier life at a certain time and a certain age regardless of who is there for them.

 

In the end they take this over hyped temporary path as glorified as it has become.

[spec]

you sound like me, Tori....i too love adventure and excitement...yet i love relationships, being with one guy and i would love to have a family one day....this has not yet happened and i am now 37...always had long-term relationships but for the last 2 years of my life i've been single.....and i've discovered that:

 

i need to enjoy the here and the now more because i keep missing the 'present' for future fun in my mind

 

it is important to find the right person and be able to have fun with that person...i've tried finding my opposite to achieve balance and it works for a while, but now i am quite sure that i need to find someone similar to me....who can be impulsive and who loves adventure

 

when i find this person, i could have a family with him and everything else...as long as he is ready to live life with my level of excitement.....

 

i too sometimes look at my friends and envy them being in the same job for ages....yet, when i try to tell myself to do the same, i get this horrible boring image in my mind...

 

people like us thrive on change....and yet change is always difficult....catch 22

 

the way i describe it is like a heartbeat....when the monitor shows ups and downs, the heart is working and alive....when the monitor shows a straight line, the heart has died

 

go with the flow babe

 

xxx

[Lonewing]

There's another way to ook at the heartmonitor - the line will only travel so far and then it stops; going up and down a whole lot means the line runs out sooner then if it travels straight and true.

 

So enjoy your life of change, but just be wary that it's a shorter path in the long run...my ex's mother and grandmother lived the adventureous life, GM died at 49, M died at 47...I wouldn't be surprised to see the ex die before 50.

 

It's sad that she has the capacity to choose better, but she cannot be happy with that choice.

[Tory Barton]

i think one of the probs with life is what society/media brainwashes you to believe how you should live your life. stop watching tv, the celebrity tabloids, and anything else that doesn't contribute to your mental well-being. that's a long-term solution.

 

short-term solution? go live in a third-world country for a couple of months, when you come back, you will appreciate everything and everyone you have vastly more. (=

 

Get your point, only problem is I don’t watch TV lol. I steer clear of celebrity tabloids, not because I think they’ll corrupt me, but because I find them horribly boring. In fact, I think celebrity’s lives are boring, I don’t care about them at all and I’m glad I’m not them.

 

I do go to the movie theaters and see a movie every once in a while and I suppose that could have an effect on my mentality. I read a lot to. But it feels kinda silly to stop reading, although I guess it would help me.

[Tory Barton]

You'll never be happy holding still. It's just not you.

 

Well then what am I supposed to do?!

[Tory Barton]

I believe too many people think they MUST live thier life at a certain time and a certain age regardless of who is there for them.

 

In the end they take this over hyped temporary path as glorified as it has become.

 

Is it really that surprising that so many people want to “live their life?” I mean, who would want to not live their life?

[spec]

true...but here is a question for you:

 

would you rather live 20 exciting years or 40 routine years?

 

i still can't decide on the answer

[Tory Barton]

true...but here is a question for you:

 

would you rather live 20 exciting years or 40 routine years?

 

i still can't decide on the answer

 

lol. To me that's like asking if I'd rather have 20 $100 bills or 40 $10 bills. Thing is the 20 exciting years don't feel very attainable. So I want to want the 40 routine years.

[Lonewing]

Would I rather have my mom missing from my life for 20 years because she is always working or drunk out of her mind or hanging out with friends and in clubs and bars or hungover and then sleeping whenever I see her in those 20 years, and always hearing her tell her friends how much I the kids mean to her, and how much she loves me...and then being dead...

 

Or would I rather have my mom at home and loving me, always there for me, always there for my dad, for 40 years? Long enough to know my children, her grandchildren, and to show me and my family love, strength and compassion?

 

It's not much of a challenge for me. The first woman [person] is selfish; the second will be far longer cherished than 100 of the first.

[spec]

lonewing, people who love to live an exciting and adventourous life are not necessarily people who are selfish, get drunk and don't care about others....

 

i speak for myself, i am always there for others because i have so much energy inside me and always lots to give....but because of this child-like energy inside me, i need constant entertainment....travelling, partying, people around me, experiencing, intellectual discussions, etc etc etc

[Tory Barton]

Would I rather have my mom missing from my life for 20 years because she is always working or drunk out of her mind or hanging out with friends and in clubs and bars or hungover and then sleeping whenever I see her in those 20 years, and always hearing her tell her friends how much I the kids mean to her, and how much she loves me...and then being dead...

 

Or would I rather have my mom at home and loving me, always there for me, always there for my dad, for 40 years? Long enough to know my children, her grandchildren, and to show me and my family love, strength and compassion?

 

It's not much of a challenge for me. The first woman [person] is selfish; the second will be far longer cherished than 100 of the first.

 

... I don't plan on having kids. This doesn't even have anything to do with an adventurous spirit, I just really don't want to bring more people into this already overpopulated world, not to mention that I really don't like them.

 

I feel you're being judgmental here. My idea of adventure isn't getting wasted every night, in fact, that's exactly the kind of boring life I'm trying to avoid.

 

I'm sorry your mother wasn't there for you when you needed her. I just think that kids provide a completely different picture and it's not really comparable to my situation. When you have kids, your life becomes more about them than you, and people who do so should rise up to the challenge and take it seriously. This is true.

[Lonewing]

lonewing, people who love to live an exciting and adventourous life are not necessarily people who are selfish, get drunk and don't care about others....

 

i speak for myself, i am always there for others because i have so much energy inside me and always lots to give....but because of this child-like energy inside me, i need constant entertainment....travelling, partying, people around me, experiencing, intellectual discussions, etc etc etc

 

They are when their adventure and excitement takes away from the quality of life for those around them.

 

There's something called self control - we are supposed to learn it as children and then apply it throughout our lives. Those people who lack this characteristic tend to become more and more impulsive as they get older, only further distancing themselves from anything that could resemble a healthy personality.

 

And I say this because if you are acting impulsively, you are actively hurting those around you, especailly those who love you most [your significant other, for example]. and that makes you a Toxic personality for others to be around - you will simply end up destroying them with your own "must have the world" ego.

 

We all have to Grow Up. Those who put this off do nobody favors. Our current culture encourages never growing up. Hence why we are in the mess we are in, and only sliding further down the incline. See the divorce rate lately? The number of kids in broken homes? See the sliding poverty rates? its all related...

[Lonewing]

... I don't plan on having kids. This doesn't even have anything to do with an adventurous spirit, I just really don't want to bring more people into this already overpopulated world, not to mention that I really don't like them.

 

I feel you're being judgmental here. My idea of adventure isn't getting wasted every night, in fact, that's exactly the kind of boring life I'm trying to avoid.

 

I'm sorry your mother wasn't there for you when you needed her. I just think that kids provide a completely different picture and it's not really comparable to my situation. When you have kids, your life becomes more about them than you, and people who do so should rise up to the challenge and take it seriously. This is true.

 

My mother has been here my whole life, and she is still here. This is not about my mother.

 

This is more about my ex, the woman with three darling angels but who rarely spends much time with them asside from daily formalities. You would think kids would have made her picture different - they don't. She works her long hours, beyond what she should work, and then she would come home, spend two or three hours getting ready, and then go out. Early on I went out with her, but as my work was rough, I came home more interested in staying in and beign there for her family. I took her kids very seriously - take a guess who I spent more time helping out.

 

She was a very exciting woman, but then I rememebr how much my mother did for me throughout my life as I was growing up, and when I compare there's so little substance I almost cry. Every sunday, for instance, I woke up to a pancake breakfast...every morning, my mom woke me up and then had a hot breakfast on my plate with enough time to eat it before I caught the bus. She wasn't perfect, but she truly gave her best, and what she did for me that endears her to me to this day.

 

It pains me to see children neglected - especially when you go out with these people, and they speak so highly and so often about their beautiful children.

 

So if you're going to live this lifestyle and you're not having children, then I think you'll be fine. Otherwise, I shudder. It is not humans which we have an overabundance; it is pain brought on by human irresponsibility.

[spec]

if i am every lucky enough to have kids, they will experience a life with me that most kids would not....during their summer holidays, i would take them travelling to third world countries (which is what i love to do)...they will see and experience third world poverty and see how people in these countries smile so much because of the simple life they live in...

 

they will know how to party and do it responsibly and always look out for others who need help

 

they will read and know about karma and god

 

they will understand what it's like to live life with the energy of a child but the wisdom of an old woman

 

;-)

[itsallgrand]

For your age, isn't it rather normal to feel like that? I know I did. More hopes, dreams, wanderlust, desire for adventure than anything.

 

That's part of how you figure out who you are.

 

And hey, you don't have to have a bf in your teens. I don't 'get' this expectation that is common that teenagers should be able to hold longer term relationships and actually be able to commit to that. It's the time to be free! To see what the world has to offer.

 

When you get tired of roaming and taking little bites out of everything, you'll come to a time when you want something deeper. There is no distinct timeline for that. So long as you can take care of yourself.

[Lonewing]

if i am every lucky enough to have kids, they will experience a life with me that most kids would not....during their summer holidays, i would take them travelling to third world countries (which is what i love to do)...they will see and experience third world poverty and see how people in these countries smile so much because of the simple life they live in...

 

they will know how to party and do it responsibly and always look out for others who need help

 

they will read and know about karma and god

 

they will understand what it's like to live life with the energy of a child but the wisdom of an old woman

 

;-)

 

Well, I didn't have to travel to third world nations to see poverty because I was born into a thrid world state of being. We traveled nonstop thoughout a litlte space of the place I lived, and in short I know the countryside better than most people. Ad we went on tons of adventures - not because we were seeking them, but because we were simply living and they happened to us.

 

I watched my mom and dad party, and learned for myself that the responsible thing to do is to simply not drink and to hold the keys. I am the captain at the helm!

 

And my educaiton has been nothing short of spectacular - not because my mom pushed certain ideas upon me, but because she pushed upon me the ability to READ. That alone has spurred my education far further than any short term ideals she believed in for herself.

 

If I am lucky to have children, I am going to be their ever present source of encouragement and positive reinforcement.

[spec]

If I am lucky to have children, I am going to be their ever present source of encouragement and positive reinforcement.

 

 

and hopefully pass on to them that life is what you make it....and it's ok to have good, decent, clean fun as long as you respect others

 

i'm 37, have lived through more than my fair share of pain and experiences (at least that's what i think when i look around at other people my age who haven't lived an iota of what i have), and i can say that the strength i always found to get me out of life experiences, always came because deep down inside i was a little girl that wants to have fun!

[Lonewing]

I've never been one to try and get out of life's experiences - I live through them, with the courage knowing that everything will come out right by the end.

 

Fun is always second to security et al. Once the basics are tacked down, only then can I relax. Until then, there is no fun in moving from place to place without a solid base from which to fly.

[thejigsup]

I've always lived a life of excitement. I, too, get bored with the day-in, day-out, middle class humdrum married life. I was married once for a short time and decided it was not for me. Now, I work, but I love my job and it's exciting to me. I do what I love, I go to school, I have oodles of friends, a great bf, and I try to have exciting adventures as often as I can. I travel and just do fun things all the time. For this reason, I rent and don't own. I don't like anything tying me down. I'm over 50 and I don't regret one second of my life. Not many people can say that.