Keeping it all inside

[CrashTestDummy]

I've been feeling more and more lately that today's society is generally made for the more reserved people. Everyone these days are hiding their feelings from one another in fear of being branded the word "emo". Society can be so cruel yet I feel that more than a handful of people want to speak their minds to put themselves at ease.

 

I feel so depressed right now, I always feel like there's no one I can talk to about this to get a there there pat on the back. I'm always holding back everything and go about daily life like there isn't really anything wrong, but underneath everything is wrong. I feel fake and being fake is something I really hate but this is turning me into hating myself. I know that if I express myself I can be branded and if I don't I'll collapse mentally

 

I want to find myself a psychyatrist, but my family doesn't believe in mental problems as a medical condition. There's just so many things bothering my mind right now but I sometimes I feel like if I post it on here I'll end up getting that same generic 'sounds easy to do but it's really not' answer. I have no one really to talk to in my life but posting here, but I feel that sometimes it's not sufficient enough...

[Capricorn3]

I totally agree with you. I've been thinking about the same thing a lot these days, but unfortunately have no answers. Just wanted to say I don't think it's in your imagination.

 

That said, if you feel you need some form of counselling, then you should go ahead and do so. Does your family really have to know? Couldn't you do this on your own without their knowledge?

[Lonewing]

We're not allowed to express fear or anger, frustration or even enthusiam and triamph [remember Howard Dean?]

 

But we are allowed to softly sit andwave our little flags...

 

So long as we are waving little flags in support of [insert activist movements here]...

[CrashTestDummy]

Capricorn3- I'm still kind of young to be off on my own, I depend on my own parent's income so I can't afford my own psychiatrist at the moment... If I could I would go see one but I really don't have any money for it right now.

 

Lonewing- I'm having a little trouble deciphering what you're trying to say...

 

All I want is a little human compassion, and I know this forum helps with it a lot, but I feel like it's very different from personal help from a loved one. I feel like if you really know whoever's trying to help you, there's a lot more... I don't know how to describe it but I feel that the human touch is better than just staring at a screen full of letters.

[itsallgrand]

That's not a nice feeling. I've been struggling with it myself, it goes in cycles. Bottling is more habitual to me than being natural, natural still takes effort.

 

That feeling like you are your own little prison, bottling yourself up. It's just no good. And if the people around you seem to be hyper critical of emotions, it can make things seem hopeless and dead.

 

All I know now is that, if you can muster it and if you can learn to be aware how you get there, to go against what those imprisoning feelings/beliefs are telling you. That basically means reaching out, be true to yourself, even though it's scary and even though you might have to go through a bunch a glass before coming accross that person who can and will reach to you back.

 

I dunno, I use these periods for reflection and it's usually a result of my wanting deep down to be alone, to reconnect in another way.

 

Sometimes that person who lifts some of the veils and burden by seeing you and caring is someone you'd least expect.

 

I don't know; the only option is to keep trying. Things change so fast.

 

Do you think maybe part of it is that you push people away or keep them at arms reach? It's something that can go with feeling depressed and feeling cut off, do you think it applies at all here.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, and alone to deal with it all. You are human, of course the real life stuff is better, we do need it on some levels. This board is especially vivid in showing that.

 

Sometimes when feeling like this I like to go for walks in the evening and look up at the sky and stars and moon. How many other eyes are looking up there? I imagine all these people around the globe doing their thing while looking in the same direction as me; people alone and crying, people smiling, people falling in love. Maybe too cheesy for you, but it helps me keep some perspective of my woes. There are people all over wanting the same thing as me as struggling with the same things so close and in a web we hardly even think about half the time.

[langford]

I also agree with you i think the reason there is an epidemic of emo culture and massive increase of people with social disorders and autism/aspergers et al is because people no longer know how to emote or communicate with emotions because our society values reason and logic so much. It is the beauty of western civilization [reason and logic] but taken to excess it is a nightmare of coldness/reservation.When you supress the expression of emotion for so long the consequence is depression and outbursts of emotion as we see in teens now and in the general mess that teenagers in general feel ,they have everything but most are incredibly unhappy - so whatever were doing its not working.

 

I do not think the psyche will help he/she will give you a pill to pick and send you away,you need to communicate how you feel to someone you trust.

[Rickster]

Do you have siblings you can communicate with at least? They are probably the easier option if you feel like your parents are a bit distant from you. I totally understand how you feel. But I know I have 3 great friends and a sister whom I can speak and express my emotions and are willing to listen and offer their best advice. You'll know who your best friends are - the ones who don't label you before hearing and understanding your situation carefully. I think the best thing to do is speak to your friends that you hang out more often and just tell them about what you are feeling. If they poke fun at you, you'll know the friendship was weak. They probably don't know how you are feeling and that's why they never asked and assumed you are doing great. I'm sure the better friends will help you.

[CrashTestDummy]

I have an older sister but we don't really discuss anything beyond the occasional what's happening. We rarely help each other deal with emotional problems since we usually don't like to get into other's personal business. We're not on bad terms or anything, it's just that we don't talk about these matters.

 

I just feel all alone in tackling my own matter right now and lonliness can only brood more sadness

[3boys]

If you're a student, most universities offer free counseling that you can take advantage of...

 

I totally know where you're coming from, though. I also grew up in a family where you dealt with stuff on your own and didn't seek outside help. I eventually sought treatment (at age 36), but even after doing so, ended up hospitalized. Eventually, I found out that I was bipolar. I've now been in treatment for almost 2 years and every day is a struggle. I wonder how much different my life could have been if I had sought treatment when I was younger....