Adulthood = individualism, distance?

[BusyNAbroad]

Do you also notice that the more we grow up (past first adulthood, past college, etc.), the less people seem to be willing to interact and make new friends, get to know new people at a more intimate level, exchange life ideas casually, discuss, etc.?

 

That the difference between friendship and acquaintanceship is getting stronger?

[SpeedingCars]

Yeah, I've been feeling that now more than over. Although I am only 20, my social circle is extremely small now. It seems as if everyone's busy doing their own thing, trying to make their way in life. It's understandable... but still pretty lonely.

 

I can't seem to make time to join clubs or interact or go out. I was never much of a party person, but still. I don't even go out to eat with friends or anything.

[savignon]

I find that I have less acquaintences than before and more close, intimate friendships than before.

I prefer it this way, myself.

[Xetra Dax]

Its normal, people from both genders initially group to strenghten themselves, and then one after another starts dating and then those groups fall apart because they form couples and get married and start building their own lives which costs a lot of time which results in no one having time for friendship anymore.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I find the older you get the more people become selfish and involved in their own life..it is difficult to make any kind of solid friendships.

[Edi]

I kinda don't agree, you don't have to get older to be selfish.. trust me... i'm 16 and i know people that are at my age and they are so selfish ... they wouldn't help anyone... i hate this kind of people

 

Well it's a good think to keep your friends close i don't have a lot of friends, and I'm proud of it because the friends i have are close to my heart... and i would do anything for them and yes it's hard to get friends... but it usually depends... for example i expect a lot from my friends... maybe this sounds selfish but it ain't ... cause i always help my friends with everything i can so i expect them to help me back when i need help , so it's hard to find the right people...

 

I kinda got of the subject but anyway, don't forget how important your friends are... people use to forget about the importance of a friendship ^^

[BusyNAbroad]

I remember there was some selfishness and clique-individualism during teens.

However, that sort of loosened during early adulthood (18-22), first years at university, traveling around the world, meeting many new people, etc.

 

Seems like with career, family, etc. people have less and less time to connect at a deeper level.

[waveseer]

Growing up for me has meant more responsibility which leads to less time to hang out with friends. So my friendships tend to be very close but we don't see each other regularly. I don't keep up with aquaintances at all.

[Edi]

i always think that if you want something you make time for it... i always make time for my friends... if a friend calls i always stop doing what i do just to talk to him so if someone wants something then he will make time for it... if not then he doesn't really care ... it's easy

 

*Love*

[easyguy]

I don't think anyone will know me better than my childhood friend of almost 17 years. I mean, yes, I have more friends now than I used to and some of them are becoming close, but most people only know a couple sides of me.

[Batya33]

I'm 43 and for me it's been entirely the opposite - in my 30s and after I made several new close friends and many friends, while still staying close with teenage/childhood friends.

[melrich]

Its normal, people from both genders initially group to strenghten themselves, and then one after another starts dating and then those groups fall apart because they form couples and get married and start building their own lives which costs a lot of time which results in no one having time for friendship anymore.

 

Yes, I think that most people have found their "core" friends by about age 30 and increasingly, lack of time means that building new friendships becomes harder and harder.

[easyguy]

I will say, though, that I have a deeper connection to the friends in my life now than most of the friends I had years ago. I am much more sociable, open-minded, and intentional in conversations.

 

A dear friend of mine and I will occasionally talk on the phone, but it tends to be very deep and emotionally heavy conversations that last at least an hour. I do not mind talking to her for that long, but it isn't something that I can do every day. I take time out for her, and she takes time out for me. She also needs to live her life, and I need to live mine.

 

Most of the people in my life now that I consider to be friends are connected to me through my career path (music). There are close friends who I play music with regularly, and people who are friends of those friends, who are gradually becoming my friends, too.

[BusyNAbroad]

Most of the people in my life now that I consider to be friends are connected to me through my career path (music). There are close friends who I play music with regularly, and people who are friends of those friends, who are gradually becoming my friends, too.

 

This I noticed too.

 

I think it might be useful from a practical point of view... but I miss the exploring, the learning of other people who are different from us, the interpersonal curiosity, etc. I think that either will take lots of effort or I should consider a career that exposes me to all those different types of people.

[chelsea13]

Definitely agree with the OP. I'm only 20 but already I am experiencing this transition. Especially after uni started, people start getting busy and sort of 'using' each other (for their notes, exam tips etc).. therefore I thought I made quite a number of friends, but only when holiday starts and we ceased contacting each other have I realised that we were afterall, just acquitances. I have 2 to 3 really close friends and am proud of it. But a couple of my best friends from high school start to contact me less and less, claiming that they're busy... but i really dont see how sending one email can cost them much time.

[yellow_sweater]

I'm 43 and for me it's been entirely the opposite - in my 30s and after I made several new close friends and many friends, while still staying close with teenage/childhood friends.

 

While it's true that I don't have the intense, emotional relationships with friends like I used to have in my teens, I wouldn't say that I have difficulty maintaining deep friendships. Furthermore, one of my closest, dearest friends is a woman I met only two years ago (and I'm in my late twenties).

 

I think this has a lot to do with my personality and the place where I live. None of the people I consider true friends actually grew up in this city. We're all transplants. We are each others families. We cook together, play together, do things together, do nothing together, nap together, talk together, play games together, pay the bills together. Even though many of us are in deep, committed relationships, I consider my girlfriends' boyfriends to be like brothers, and my boyfriend is friends with and cares about my girlfriends. We've made our own family.

 

I know that my situation is atypical, and I wonder what will happen if/ when we move from this place. But I can say that the friendships I've made in my 20s have been even more satisfying than the friendships I made in my teens, and probably even more satisfying than the relationships I have with my "blood relatives."