My0wnPrison Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 This isn't so much about why the girls seem to pick the bad guy over the good guy but what I wish to bring into the mix. It's about the "good guy". The debate is always about either falling into one of the two but are we not at a day and age, when somethings are not as black and white as they seem. The reason I am bringing it up is after reading an article (which was rather amusing) and reading the debate that transpired, it has left me wondering and reflecting is it really as simple as someone saying men are either the good guy or the bad guy and are treated accordingly? My argument is no, if we are going down the road of defining the nice and the bad then I say throw in the good guy. I see myself as a "good guy", someone who does not mind holding open a door for a women or helping them with their groceries but on the same boat is not afraid to share his feelings in a relationship, I wont just lay down and be walked over as I believe it works two ways but that doesn't mean a partner is left with me whining at them or I'm left being a door mat for someone else, I simply state what I'm not happy with and we discuss a reasoning and that's what I have done in the past and will continue to do in in the future - and usually the same goes for them. When a nice guy throws up "I always seem to finish last" did he ever think it could be because he was being "too" nice? I mean take it as you will but from the nice guys I have seen and heard (one or two are my friends) they either love one of their friends but are never willing to take the risk of telling them their feelings (what are they hoping for? one day the girl they like will wake up and realise? did they ever think maybe the reason the girl doesn't realise that you love her or like her is because she just thinks you see her as a friend? did the nice guy ever think of that? unless he tells her how he feels, how is she supposed to know! not like she can read minds!) or they simply get into a relationship and fall to fast i.e. they text and call to much and when in the short space of time is the other person having time to miss you? (absence can make the heart grown fonder), or simply and this is the shock she wasn't right for you! maybe they finish last because the girl is crowded to much to much soon? but at the same time I do not believe a man should hit, abuse, cheat, disrespect or generally treat a women like * * * * - where can a relationship (and I mean a real one) be built on a partner that does that? where can real love grow or trust build or even communication build when frankly they are scared! ...I guess this post is my own insight into this debate that even rages on today and were I maybe wrong or even right it still makes me wonder if it should really be "nice guy VS bad guy VS good guy". Link to comment
metwo Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 i don't necessarily think that being a "good" guy has to mean they are too nice... i think you being you.. you are a genuinely good guy...but your not going to let people take advantage of you... i don't think thats the same as a "bad" guy... when I think of a "bad" guy.. i think of a liar, a cheater, abuser, whatever... you are just aware of your self image, where as someone who is too nice.. may not be able to handle similar situations... Link to comment
Circe Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I see myself as a "good guy", someone who does not mind holding open a door for a women or helping them with their groceries but on the same boat is not afraid to share his feelings in a relationship, I wont just lay down and be walked over as I believe it works two ways but that doesn't mean a partner is left with me whining at them or I'm left being a door mat for someone else, I simply state what I'm not happy with and we discuss a reasoning and that's what I have done in the past and will continue to do in in the future - and usually the same goes for them. What I love to bits about my husband is that although he is absolutely the "good/nice guy" to me (he's kind, always there to comfort me if I'm feeling blue.. even if there's no reason.. does half the workload and is happy to do more than his share if I'm ill or tired one day, extremely loyal, extremely loving and affectionate .. always pays me the courtesy of checking with me before he agrees to any commitment - whether it be friends, work on weekends, family, whatever ... never gets angry or snippy at me.. extremely supportive of me.. just fantastic guy) --- he also will NOT stand for disrespectful treatment. He's got a very very clear (and reasonable) line of what's fair and what isn't. He will not be treated badly (even by someone he loves as much as he loves me) - he just will not stand for it. And that is just the sexiest thing. How can you not adore a man who's a complete sweetheart to you but also respects himself enough to stand up for himself - even against the one he loves the most and the one who could hurt him the most? You just have to admire and respect that. Link to comment
quirky Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 To the OP, I think you are absolutely right in what you say. I've had some male friends that are just too nice and it never works for them. And here's why. They tend to be passive, wanting the relationship so much that they do anything to please a woman. The woman doesn't lose interest because he's into her. She loses interest because on a deeper level she doesn't feel he's gonna stand up to a challenge and protect her. Because he's not even standing up to her. Because SHE calls the shots. So she feels more powreful than him, is removed from her female role and loses interest. I know that cos I've been there, I once dated this lovely guy that I fancied the pants of him but he was following me like a little puppy. A confident version of him would be my ideal man, honestly. But I couldn't help but lose respect for him, he wasn't standing up to anyone.. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 We pick who we fall for......nice or not.....simple as. Live with it Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 There are plenty of intelligent, gorgeous, polite men that I wouldn't date. It takes more than that. What that "more" is, I can't explain. I don;t know what I like but I know what I've found what I like. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 I don't think "too nice" is "nice" - it's more likely "insecure" or "passive". Often "too nice" is not nice at all - it's annoying, self-serving, fake, etc. I do think people label doormats as "too nice" because there's discomfort with criticizing someone who does a lot of favors - how could that be bad? To me, it can be bad because the person who does that because he or she is insecure or desperate for approval builds up resentment and creates an imbalance in the relationsihp because the other person then feels uncomfortable with setting limits or expressing her feelings because then she will feel like the bad guy for complaining about someone who continues to ask how high to jump. I completely agree with Indigo's post and it is also what I adore about my husband. Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 See this is why i hate the "nice guy" label. A guy who says "i always finish last" is being passive not nice. I mean of course you can be nice and passive and so he may have all the best intentions in the world, but whats holding him back isn't the fact that his "nice" its the fact that his too passive to make a move, or to defend himself, or to put himself out there. You can be a nice guy but have confidence, say what you want and know what you deserve. Just because you expect to be treated well doesn't make you a jerk. It makes you more appealing because you know what you want. Theres no way i want to be treated badly. I don't think many women do as such, but its hard to see the passive guy in the crowd if his to scared to show an interest and so women go for those who do show interest. Just my two bobs worth. Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 To each his own. Women don't particulary want a "bad guy" they just want to have fun (like the song says). And it's not all women. They just want a little spark, a little energy -- someone that can challenge them, stimulate their mind, their bodies and know how to make her feel special. That's it, that's the bottom line, nothing else.. Don't gotta be a bad guy, none of that. Link to comment
ellandroader Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 To be honest, being a good guy is living life treating others as you would like to be treated but knowing your boundaries also. I consider myself a "good" guy as someone who is nice and doesn't look for a fight, but if I have to deal with something I will. It really is knowing what you should and shouldn't accept from anybody and having some self respect. As for bad boys, what is there to aspire to? They're more insecure than the women who go around saying "nice guys finish last" (I've had that said to me before, it does my head in. Then I get angry with them and walk away and they regret it, because they realise I am not a fool). They all hide behind some alpha facade in order to take the blame off themselves and put it onto someone else. I wouldn't go around treating my lady like cr*p in any situation, under no circumstances and any girl who wants that, in order to feel some excitement is not my type of girl anyway. Link to comment
hazylynx Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 My friend said '' watch bedazzled, it's a shocking film but shows how a nice guy turns into a bad boy'' haha oh dear Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 My friend said '' watch bedazzled, it's a shocking film but shows how a nice guy turns into a bad boy'' haha oh dear I like bedazzled and I think that's a good suggestion. You realize that "nice" guys aren't always as nice as they think they are. Link to comment
hazylynx Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Also Watch a film called ' Mallrats' by Kevin Smith Ben affleck is a bad boy in that film.. ( and a complete mug the two are connected) As Brodie and TS are the better men, but don't have all the bravado as most bad guys have ( or think they have) You don't want to be a bad boy or a nice guy.. You want to be a badass.. Like Clint Eastwood or the Punisher..or even Bruce willis in Die Hard/Last boy scout.. ](*,) Link to comment
Edi Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Well... I consider myself a good guy too. I love to help other people, mostly because i know that this will have a positive effect on the universe... it's called karma.. google it... being good is one of the greatest joys of my life. I love to see other people happy, and i love it more when I made them happy ^^ if i can't get happiness that doesn't mean i can't help someone else get it being a good buy makes other people happy Link to comment
CaseOfInsanity Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Well... I consider myself a good guy too. I love to help other people, mostly because i know that this will have a positive effect on the universe... it's called karma.. google it... being good is one of the greatest joys of my life. I love to see other people happy, and i love it more when I made them happy ^^ if i can't get happiness that doesn't mean i can't help someone else get it being a good buy makes other people happy Being helpful to others is a good thing I agree. Although when it comes to people calling 'nice guys', it implies helping others before putting yourself first (they tell you to put your air mask first when the airplane is crashing), trying to please everyone, and expecting others to give something back in return because you were nice to them( like an unwritten pact). Link to comment
Edi Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 sadly you can't help everyone i think that being a nice guy will always be better then the bad guy... although i noticed that some girls like the bad guys, but the i figured out that if that girl like the bad guy then she is not worth waisting time with for me and actually it's not the important if you are nice or bad cause you will still find a cool girl ^^ *Love* Link to comment
Lonewing Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 In my experience it's always best to finish last. The girl is supposed to finish first again and again and again the guy is supposed to finish... What, is that TOO nice??? Link to comment
Edi Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 that's not too nice XD nothing is 'too nice' feel if the girl always finishes first after a time it starts to be boring for her... i can bet that she would love some competition XD but this is just my opinion *Love* Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 I'm glad I saw this post. It's what I was trying to express in my "Truth About 'Nice' Guys" post in the Healing After Break-Up and Divorce section, but so many people misinterpreted it. I feel the same way...and it's not just about guys...but girls too. Passive/self-serving people are a turn-off. It has nothing to do with being nice at all. Why these people think they are "nice" is a mystery to me. Did they ever consider that maybe women/men don't like them because they are too passive to handle their own business and have their own life...hence, being irresponsible and dependent on the woman/man for attention? Did they ever consider they may just not be attractive? I guess it's easier to just write it off as "Nice men/women finish last" because that way you don't have to look at your bad traits. Bottom line: People don't reject you because you're nice; people reject you for other reasons and you say it's BECAUSE you're "nice" (hence, playing the victim...which is also a huge turn-off and not at all nice--because you're blaming your rejection on something other than the real reason) Link to comment
SusyQ Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 My boyfriend mentions this every now and again, and I firmly believe it is because bad guys are smooth talkers. They will say things they don't mean just because they know how the girl will react. The nice guys wont say the right thing because he is actually worried that it would be too much too soon, or he knows it will sound silly. The bad guy doesn't care, if one girl says no, he just moves onto the next. But I understand, it must be frustrating. But there are plenty of us who like nice guys, I know I've been with one for over 4yrs, and I am pretty content. Link to comment
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