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rebound and birthday wishes....pffffff


Soul Bear

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Ill cut to the chase.

 

My ex fiance of 5 years, she left me in march.

I chased, i begged, i pleaded for almost 2 months, she said some HORRID things, but i took it all with a pinch of salt and was sweet as pie, never got angry, never said anything nasty.

 

She emailed me telling me that she met someone else and she was 'in love' with him....they only met 3 weeks previous to this email.

 

SO, i went NC. no explination, nothing. just cold turkey NC.

Im 2 months NC now!!!

I received an email 3 weeks after going NC, which had a very generic 'im sorry. i could have been a little less harsh in my last email' and it also said that 'our relationship was a training ground for our true loves' and she 'wishes me all the best'

 

 

I never replied.

 

It was my birthday on monday, and i received a facebook friend request with another generic-

''happy birthday Soul. Wishing you all the best (her name) x. ''

This to me seems like an attempt at assuging her own guilt and trying to call it quits. I dont want her to feel like what she said and did was ok.

 

I deleted her request and never replied.

 

Now im thinking, although im doing NC for ME, I still love this girl, and wouldnt mind a fresh start down the line, but i dont know if i should reply and state: thankyou and that we cant be friends, certainly not now, if ever or just continue my cold turkey NC.

 

I read that if she is in a rebound i should cut her from my life completely, which i have done. But is it rude of me not to even reply to her birthday wishes and tell her that we cant be friends and that we both need to move on.??

 

I feel like if i do, i will be waiting for a reply, but i dont want to seem petuliant or childish and tell her we cant be friends. I do want her stew over the things she said and did tho, and ultimately, for her to think about me so much that her rebound fails (i know, im bad)

We did spend 5 years together tho....

 

To anyone thinking if NC is for them or not DO IT! I feel A LOT better then i did 2 months ago. Every email i have had, has made me feel empowered, im hitting they gym 5 days a week, moved to london....new job, new setting, new friends....

Any advice on this please?

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Hey SB - don't tell her you can't be friends...but you could say thanks. You will be continuing your end of NC, just because you reply to her contact, doesn't mean you are breaking NC really. But then again, I know the harsh things she said to you and she deserves the silent treatment. Sending you a birthday wish via facebook friend request is pretty lame...a text message would have been the best choice. There is something odd about that...your call. Perhaps send her a text message to say "thanks for the birthday wishes". At the moment, and coz I know your story I'd wait for her to contact you again. But it sucks waiting. If you say "thanks..." I know in your heart you'll be wanting her to respond, and what if she doesn't? At the moment, you feel empowered; keep that power a bit longer. Sorry if my advice is a bit conflicting. I know you want to be friendly to keep that door open, but remember not so long ago she slammed it shut in your face.

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maybe i should just continue my NC, not explain anything anfd keep moving on with my life, which esentialy, is what im doing...heartbroken, but moving on...

 

After the things she said and did, why would i want to be friends with someone like that?!

 

She has some growing up to do, and as long as she burrys her feelings and dives into a 'serious' rebound relationship, she is not going to learn ANY lessons...

I dont want my 2nd chance right now...im talking about years down the line, if i feel up to it at that point, we did share something special.

 

 

On another note, my EX EX got in touch yesterday from almost 6 years ago, said she left her NF of 3 years, is moving to my city and wants to get dinner and drinks and hang out....weird....she also dumped me

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Sounds like you got your stuff together, and your doing great otherwise besides the broken heart(Very similar to my situation) except my ex contacts me about once a month and I respond everytime(DUMB). She is also in a rebound relationship with her "New found Love".

 

Bro were both better off, keep it up!!

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But is it rude of me not to even reply to her birthday wishes and tell her that we cant be friends and that we both need to move on.??

 

After what she did to you, you can't worry about whether or not *your* treatment of her is rude. Let her wonder if you even got the message.

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Thanks for your replys, i really appreciate them...

 

Stabilo-

There is something really odd about that isnt there? A facebook friend request with a happy birthday note attached....after 5 years together and only 4.5 months broken up, 2 months NC from me. ...peh....

She wants to feel like she isnt the bad person im guessing. Im not giving her that sattisfaction

 

Cheeks- its not will power, im a typical Leo, im Loyal as hell, but the things she said pushed me to far. So I cut all ties...she asked for a month of NC, im giving her all the NC she wants and more, in fact, im giving ME all the NC I need

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HeartGoesOn- thankyou and i love your profile pic

 

Cheeks- Getting my * * * * together has been SO hard...but im doing it for me, im improving myself for me and the next woman that comes into my life...whoever she is...hell, i look good with all this gym time, i was skinny as hell before at 6'3''!!

Thankyou

 

IsThisIt- Your totally right....its not rude of me at all, she deserves it, and Karma is gonna run over her Dogma soon....

 

 

The way i see it, they get in touch to validate that they are not bad people, and it will also allow her to move on easier...i dont want that

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HeartGoesOn- thankyou and i love your profile pic

 

Cheeks- Getting my * * * * together has been SO hard...but im doing it for me, im improving myself for me and the next woman that comes into my life...whoever she is...hell, i look good with all this gym time, i was skinny as hell before at 6'3''!!

Thankyou

 

IsThisIt- Your totally right....its not rude of me at all, she deserves it, and Karma is gonna run over her Dogma soon....

 

 

The way i see it, they get in touch to validate that they are not bad people, and it will also allow her to move on easier...i dont want that

 

 

 

Same here bro, I have been hitting the gym like crazy since the breakup, I lost weight and I am getting nice and toned Im 6"4 looking like a CHAMP!! Haha.

 

Has your ex seen you since she broke up with you??

 

Myne did and she looked quite upset, and surprised, I think its getting to her!!

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No, she hasnt seen me in about 3 months...and that is the way it shal remain until the possibility of fate brings her my way again. (or we bump into each other at a festival or a party of mutual friends in 6+ months time) I even have an OLD facebook pic as my profile picture, just so she wont see NEW me if she looks for me think it'll help with her curiosity

 

It'll hurt all the more for her when she sees what she lost down the line LOL

 

Although a friend took a photo a few weeks ago, and i have to say, i think i look pretty go, so i may put that on there in a month or so.....the games we play

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Today im torn....

 

I want to sms her 'thankyou for the birthday wishes'

 

....

 

I dont know what to do.

I have been NC for 2 months now.

Granted none of her emails have been particularly warm or interesting.

 

But i feel a bit of a kid not even being able to say thanks...

 

I still want my second chance. If she is so in love with her rebound, then will breaking NC do me any favours....?

ugh

 

torn.....

 

please can someone help me

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Hey SB - I guess you are caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. I think it will be a while before you two are talking again, but it doesn't hurt for you to keep the door open in the mean time. Perhaps reply, but don't reply via Facebook. Send her a text, saying you saw her message. Keep the friend request pending until she warms up to you perhaps...

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Hmm...tough call. I think coz you did that you might have to ignore the birthday message now. You could send her a text to ask how she is, and if she is having a nice weekend. When she replies, you can say "thanks..." then. I know you'd be breaking NC then though...

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Just hang in there bro, send her the thanks for the birthday wishes and thats it nothing more, just keep moving on.

 

I know for a fact in my situation there is still to much pain and hurt that needs to be forgotten in time and for my past relationship there has not been near enough time to forgive and forget all the bad, I think your in the same boat as me so just keep it up!

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Heya Soul Bear,

 

Well done you in all you have achieved so far - I think this whole NC thing can be taken in too black and white a manner. A simple text saying thanks for the birthday wishes would let her see that you appreciate her remembering but it gives nothing of yourself away to her. NC is good for personal healing, but at the same time when someone has made a gesture like saying Happy Birthday, to get no reply is harsh (even if she doesn't really deserve a thanks!)....folk only bang their head against a wall for so long before giving up. The fact you have chosen not to accept the friend request should speak loud enough to her....but saying thanks is polite and keeps the door open for the future if and when you ever feel like being in touch...maybe I am just too much of a softie though!

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thanks guys....

i just feel in NOT replying i keep my power and my dignity....

I also feel like an ass.

 

In her previous relationships, she has always managed to stay friends with ex's, except 1...they guy who left her 7 years ago.... he went NC on HER and wont talk to her, eben though he dumped her.

When we broke up, she told me she contacted him to try and get some closure....7 years later!!

 

Still torn.

 

 

Dont know if i should turn this to my advantage or not...

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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