Observer

[chewy21]

I've lived my whole life believing I was special. Maybe I put too much stock in the kindergarten they feed you when you're a kid and don't know any better. But nonetheless, this feeling has served to both validate and alienate me.

 

Am I special? Does my life serve some greater purpose? And compared to what? Are all of my relationships, all of my struggles, and all of my work just one social experiment after another? And to what end? So that I can hold a mirror up to society and say "this is what you are"? Most people don't have the ability nor the inclination to understand what I have to say. And whose fault is that? Do I blame them for actually living their one life, instead of observing as I do?

 

I choose not to feel. I instead study how other people feel and, more importantly, why. I gain a feeling of superiority by knowing what causes these dramatic shifts in behavior we call "emotions". Those shifts that most others only strive to move past, and on to the next. I observe. I judge. I come to conclusions, and then test those conclusions. One big experiment.

 

The closest I can come to a rational reason for observing my own life is because I'm afraid of death; a very human phobia for someone so decidedly detached, almost robotic. Nevertheless, I yearn for the immortality that ideas posess. They forever dance in and out of the minds of us all, providing needed insight to anyone who searches for an answer. They are always moving, always changing, always evolving to accommodate the next student of life, the next generation of minds who yearn for more than they are capable of achieving. I just want to be a part of that eternal ebb and flow. The dance of idealism may slow, but it can never be stopped. Those minds will never stop providing the incentive. I will never stop.

 

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This might be the most honest thing I've ever written. Just wanted to get reactions and see if there are any fellow observers out there.

[Rickster]

I'm an observer.

 

On a side note, you compose beautifully.

[chewy21]

Thank you, Rick.