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It's hard to decide..


JSLICE

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So here's the deal. I've been dating this girl, her name is Rachel, for about 3 months. At first, everything was great. The relationship was really exciting, and she seemed to be everything I was looking for in a girl. She lives about 30-40 minutes away from me, in Chattanooga.

 

Currently I am unemployed, as I was laid off by Whirlpool a few months back, and I have put in many job applications, but no one seems to be hiring at the moment, which is nothing new, because it took me awhile to find my previous job as well. Anyway, for the past month things have been rocky for us both, mainly her. Since I'm unemployed, I don't have much money, hardly any. She sent me a text message earlier, telling me that she felt the relationship was one sided, and quote "I get mad at you, I drive to see you every week, I send you a text when I wake up every morning, I buy you things, and you don't make any effort to see me."

 

Now, I can argue this, and with good reason. I'm unemployed, I can't see her, but I want to. I don't want her to buy me things, but she does. She chooses to send me texts when she wakes up, not forcing her to.

 

She leaves for college in a few weeks. She goes to the University of Georgia, which is a good 3-4 hour drive from here. She only makes two-three visits back here a semester. So, I'm starting to think that this relationship was doomed from the beginning. I don't have money to drive and see her every week while she's away at college. Even if I did, I've always hated driving long distances, and 4 hours is a long way away.

 

I'm contemplating on whether or not I should just end things now, before she actually goes to college and sees first hand that I'm unable to see her, which would make her even more upset and depressed than she is now.

 

I just don't know what to do here. I love the girl, but lately, she's just not the same girl I fell for.

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Yes, it is a difficult situation with you being out of work. Yes, there is the expenses of seeing her and yes, it is her choice to buy stuff, to come and see you etc etc.

 

But a relationship is a two way street, and I think she is complaining more about the effort you are putting in than the money.

 

Yes, she texts you every morning because she is excited to be part of your life and wants to be in touch with you because she doesn't get to see you as much. You love her etc, but don't reach out in the same way. This tells me there is a difference in need between the two of you. She is a little more needy than you are, or you are a little less needy than she is. Either way it's not a bad thing, just probably likely to get annoying in both directions.

 

My thoughts are the same as your for the future. If she is going away to college, then she is going to get worse with the 'complaints' because she sees you not making the effort and especially with then extra distance, the electronic communications will be more important.

 

So, I think it might be the best thing to break it off now, if you can't see yourself being more active (because of funds etc). Better that than let it build more and more and go out with an earth shuddering bang.

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