Oh my god, its actually over

[van_city]

After 6 months of hell, of not being able to let go of hope of getting my ex back- even when she told me we would never be together again, i have finally come to the point where i have let go of that hope.

 

I am in a dangerous place right now. Hope is a dangerous thing to lose.

 

My depression isnt as strong at nights- usually i just mellow out and am able to put everything to the back of my mind,

 

but mornings...

Mornings are hell. I lay in bed for 3 hours til 3 pm, faced with the full force of my loss and my pain.

 

Mornings were bad before, but now that ive lost hope, who knows the black abyss that awaits.

 

Tonight i sit on the precipice, waiting through the calm before the storm.

 

Keep me in your thoughts as i descend into hell...

[Zoey]

the 6th month after break up is the hardest. It's no longer the physical that you miss. It's actually down to the bare bone of pain and the soul of love.

 

Consider yourself lucky because it's been 6 months for you. It's barely started the 2nd week for me. i have more than 5 months to be where you're at and I can't speed the process.

 

Be strong. Cry if you must. Let it all out. Let go of the old habits. This too shall pass. *hug*

[mickie]

Hey Van, I know its just too damn hard. But you know, somehow someway, things just get better and you will be so shocked my friend. You have my support man.

[catfeeder]

The only thing that has ever prevented me from falling into the bed-all-morning rut has been a decision I made from which I wouldn't budge. And I am by no means a disciplined person, so I just took any choice off the table. I'd set my alarm whether I needed to be on a job or in a classroom, or not. Then I'd throw on my sneakers and head out the door.

 

I tried parks and such, but easiest was just to walk my neighborhood, building up from a few blocks to adding more each day. It helped me think. It helped me think my way out of my own cage. It energized me, gave me strength, and before I knew it I was forming plans to add more healthy activity, foods and people to my life.

 

I guess you could call these plans my 'revenge fantasies'. They weren't about harming anyone, but rather building myself up. I vowed that if I ever crossed paths with the ex again, I wouldn't be some weak and broken person who got stuck inside my own temper tantrum--I'd use my anger constructively, and the first way I applied it was to get in shape and look hot. From there, I tackled other goals, such as social, education, hobby and career goals. I'd be damned if I was going to allow some idiot who didn't own the capacity to value me any power to make me stop valuing my Self.

 

In your corner.

[Sadly Mistaken]

I feel for you van city i'm at 6 months and am just beginning to realise that his probably not coming back, for the past 6 months i've been walking around with a false hope that he would. And all i'm left with is this hollow ache that feels impossible to move on from. HUGS!!

[Mr_BabyBlade]

Sounds like mornings are a dark dark place for you. Ive been in that very dark place and I don't ever want to go back there. Things will get better.

 

It's only when you have let go of false hope then you can truly set yourself free.

 

Free yourself, its the only way.

[702juice]

You give awesome advice babyblade! I know exactly what you are talking about van, mornings were/are rough. I work all night so I get to bed at 9AM, tired and exhausted from crazy hours of work. Wanting to sleep so bad but can't because I have this speed bump in my life on the back of my mind. It's rough, I know. It gets a little better each day, and you will relapse into these old feelings every once in awhile. But soon, you'll exhaust yourself to a point where you'll forget about this person, and sleep like a baby. Keep your chin up and yourself busy.

[Mr_BabyBlade]

You give awesome advice babyblade! I know exactly what you are talking about van, mornings were/are rough. I work all night so I get to bed at 9AM, tired and exhausted from crazy hours of work. Wanting to sleep so bad but can't because I have this speed bump in my life on the back of my mind. It's rough, I know. It gets a little better each day, and you will relapse into these old feelings every once in awhile. But soon, you'll exhaust yourself to a point where you'll forget about this person, and sleep like a baby. Keep your chin up and yourself busy.

 

Cheers 702, I do try

[intolerable]

I know what you guys mean. Gosh, my classmates would sometimes bug me asking why I don't want to be friends with my ex. The reason? I went through depression when he broke up with me, I lost control of myself to the extent that I almost failed my classes (I'm an honors student.. well, was). I was in a very dark place, and I never want to go back there again. I'm not that much of a masochist.

 

To the OP: it's hard, and although I may not understand the magnitude of what you're feeling right now, this I know for sure: it gets better, but you gotta try making it better. Healing is not something that is handed to you on a silver platter, and there are times when it's harder for you compared to others (I know it was for me), but you have to go on. People say you don't have a choice but move on, but IMO, you do. It's either you stay in that craphole you're in, or move forward and see what life has to offer.

 

Choose wisely.

[Mr_BabyBlade]

I couldn't have put it better myself intolerable.

 

OP: You really have to help yourself here, why let someone who isn't with you and doesn't want to be with you control how you feel. No one has the right to do that: don't let them! Be in control, don't be controlled by external factors. I think that the only thing that holds people back is not letting go of the past/ex.

 

Stay strong man. Love yourself first and foremost.