chelsea13 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 When a guy suggests that we should 'hang out' (which I'm not sure if it's an actual date or just hanging out like mates), and he pays when the bill comes, I feel entirely uneasy. I will always suggest (or even 'pretend', which i know it's a bit fake) to pay for my share. Usually I will go 'how much?'. But at times when we have to pay before we order, the lady at the counter will say '$20'. And during this time I usually start getting my wallet out (slowly). If he pays the whole 20 bucks first, I will usually hand out a 10 bucks note in front of him to see if he takes it. I just don't know what to do when situations like this happens, how do I act more graceful and less fake? I don't want to give him the wrong idea by shoving him 10 bucks so that he might assume that we are just hanging out as friends... Link to comment
Laura11111 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 I'd say, let him pay if he wants Link to comment
sparkles4 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 I think you're making this more complicated than it needs to be. Always come prepared to pay for your share. When the bill comes, offer to pay. It doesn't mean that you're out as friends, it's just the polite thing to do. Maybe he'll offer to pay for you and maybe he won't, but either way you won't come off as fake or presumptuous. Link to comment
Pappers Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 you know what? sometimes this never gets easier! i still have some troubles with this.... basically I just let him pay until we have had at least a dinner out... then I don't mind paying half, or even a full meal if I am "getting the next one". Or, if there is coffee or drinks after, I will "these are on me" But for coffee dates I always let him pay, and first meal too. With my ex, even after 10 months together he still insisted on paying for everything when we went out. I would buy things like movie tickets or groceries every now and then when he was getting low on food in the cupboard.... it balanced out in the end. Link to comment
chelsea13 Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 But what if we are at the counter? Do I just hand over 10 bucks for him or what? Chances are he will take it even if he wants to pay for it.. Link to comment
sparkles4 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 But what if we are at the counter? Do I just hand over 10 bucks for him or what? Chances are he will take it even if he wants to pay for it.. You don't have to shove ten bucks into his hand. Just tell him you have money and can pay for your half of the bill. If he wants to pay, he'll just be like, "it's alright, I got it." Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 I understand that you want to know if it a date or not. But, really, it's sort of his fault for being so ambiguous about it. calling things 'Hanging out' when he means date. Regardless if you pay or not, it shouldn't affect the "date" or "hanging out" status. I'd still offer and try to pay though as it is the polite thing to do Link to comment
chelsea13 Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 Oh we havent 'hung out' yet. I'm still waiting for his confirmation. But really, i dont see this as date, cos he seems super laid back about it. he was like 'grab dinner'.. so that pretty much spells it out.. im the one who's assuming that it's a date.. but really he probably just wants to bloody HANG OUT Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Oh we havent 'hung out' yet. I'm still waiting for his confirmation. But really, i dont see this as date, cos he seems super laid back about it. he was like 'grab dinner'.. so that pretty much spells it out.. im the one who's assuming that it's a date.. but really he probably just wants to bloody HANG OUT Did he walk you to your place? Suggest you do something after dinner? Did he dress up nice or wear cologne? Ambiguity when it comes to dates is so lame. Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Ambiguity when it comes to dates is so lame. Yeah, I hate that. It's like, why can't you just say it's a date so that I can say no right now and not waste your time? Link to comment
chelsea13 Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 Did he walk you to your place? Suggest you do something after dinner? Did he dress up nice or wear cologne? Ambiguity when it comes to dates is so lame. Well the hanging out is taken place tomorrow so i cant answer you on that yet. but this is seriously lame cos he still hasn't confirmed the place. he always suggest that we should hang out but never makes an effort, so im sure that it's just friend to friend. im planing to just wear jeans tomorrow if the 'date' does happen. Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Maybe he feels ambiguous so he's calling it "grabbing dinner" to see how it goes. he could just want to take the "let's be friends and go from there" route. This leaves him room to save his pride if you reject him or turn it up a notch if you are reponsive. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 don't get stuck on the words a guy uses. just go and find out how he acts when you are around each other. i've said 'hang out' and ended up with a gf out of it, so.... this is overanalyzing at it's finest. Link to comment
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