heloladies21 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Is choosing a man with very limited "options" the only way to ease my mind? No, you could do what many women do, and that is to be really skeptical and test guys until you're convinced of his intentions. Lots of guys get pissed when a girl tests them, but I understand where they're coming from, so I just think it over, give them my honest answer, and either things proceed or it all ends. Link to comment
N1607308058 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 There are lots of ways to reduce the odds that your SO cheats. Choosing a man with limited options is only one of them, and probably not a great method given that even a guy with limited options can pay for a prostitute. Do you have any suggestions? I'm not really the betting type. Although it kind of bothers me that I have to try to reduce the odds. Link to comment
diabolik Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Do you have any suggestions? I'm not really the betting type. Although it kind of bothers me that I have to try to reduce the odds. Start a thread about it, and you'll get all kinds of useful suggestions, along with the usual "there are no circumstances for anyone to cheat, and if they are of a cheating mindset, they were going to cheat no matter what you did". Link to comment
Casey13 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 That's a ridiculous stat! Nearly every second guy is a cheater? Give me a break. I would guess that 1 in 8 would be more accurate. I would agree if one would say that 1 in 2.7 men would have cheated at some point in their lives (considering high school kids or very young adults who loosely date) but will cheat? Especially among more mature individuals in their late 20s early 30s and onwards? I don't think so. Link to comment
diabolik Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 That's a ridiculous stat! Nearly every second guy is a cheater? Give me a break. I would guess that 1 in 8 would be more accurate. I would agree if one would say that 1 in 2.7 men would have cheated at some point in their lives (considering high school kids or very young adults who loosely date) but will cheat? Especially among more mature individuals in their late 20s early 30s and onwards? I don't think so. I didn't hunt down the source (calling for help from DL/googs!), but here's a link: link removed Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. link removed Link to comment
dragon lady Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 What's the definition of cheating here? If it's just sex, then that's probably about right. If we add in "emotional cheating" and those would cheat given the opportunity, I think it would be a lot higher. edit: ^ Just a moment. I'm getting on it. Link to comment
diabolik Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 edit: ^ Just a moment. I'm getting on it. Wow, you're like Batman. I just throw out the distress signal, and whammo, there you are! Link to comment
Circe Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Most men are only as faithful as their options. I think you'd be very surprised at how many "options" there are out there for people, including objectively unattractive men. Link to comment
Circe Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I'd always heard it was ~50% for both genders. I'd actually heard it was just below 50% in Australia - but lower in other Western Countries (much to our surprise). Link to comment
Circe Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 As for reducing the liklihood.. I think anyone and everyone has it in them to cheat. Just like anyone and everyone has it in them not to. I also don't think its easy to live your whole life without straying. Even someone with a strong sense of integrity may be susceptible to flattery from the other sex that leads somewhere inappropriate. You just have to try your hardest never to stray. The only person you really have any control or influence over, infidelity wise, is yourself. You can make your partners life as happy as you can.. and they might still stray. Similarly .. a man w ho is unhappy in his marriage may spend his entire life refusing to cheat, even with the opportunity. You can make your own choice and thats it. As far as what your partner is going to do.. all you can do is have faith in them. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 There doesn't seem to be a lot of reliable information out there regarding statistics. The most famous study was by Kinsey. In 1953 it was found that 26% of married people admitted to having intercourse outside of their marriage. The rate was up to 42% for other sexual activities. The problem with this was that it was a face-to-face interview and some people will not tell the truth in these situations. Other studies done through other means have shown much higher rates. Many have also shown that the rate has increased a lot since 1953 (as you can imagine). I haven't got one particular source here. I drew all of this from a bunch of them. They were all scholarly articles though. Link to comment
Lucius Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Ok, so if most people accept that a good chunk of the population will cheat, how then do you rationalize being in a relationship if you do not want to be cheated on? If you accept that every human being will also die at some point, how then do you rationalize living? Following a similar line of reasoning, wouldn't we conclude that life is futile, given that we could die any day? That life is therefore not worth living? Or, is it possible, that we don't live, or love, because it's safe or guaranteed - but that we do so because it's in our nature, and because to do anything less would be a great disservice to us. All things that are worthwhile come with risks attached; that's the nature of a blessing. There is always the chance of losing it. In response to that possibility, that fear, we can either grab what we want by the horns regardless, or we can sit back (in stasis) and live a kind of safe, half-life. It becomes a question of appreciating every moment, rather than seeking guarantees about the future. It becomes too a question of acting from desire and hope, rather than from fear and/or despair. It becomes a question, finally, of choosing experience over expectation. Come what may, I live and I love, knowing that both blessings could be taken from me any day. What choice do I have? I want to experience the good for as long as I am able. Link to comment
Circe Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 If you accept that every human being will also die at some point, how then do you rationalize living? Following a similar line of reasoning, wouldn't we conclude that life is futile, given that we could die any day? That life is therefore not worth living? I smell a logical fallacy in your analogy though, Lucius. It's a false analogy. You can live a happy life without being in a relationship and not be cheated on. In other words its possible to take steps to achieve the result you want (never be cheated on). It's not possible to take steps not to die. Death is something we all have to accept. Being cheated on isnt. You can chose not to be in a relationship and never be cheated on. Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I smell a logical fallacy in your analogy though, Lucius. It's a false analogy. You can live a happy life without being in a relationship and not be cheated on. In other words its possible to take steps to achieve the result you want (never be cheated on). It's not possible to take steps not to die. Death is something we all have to accept. Being cheated on isnt. You can chose not to be in a relationship and never be cheated on. His point is, there's always a risk when you love someone. You can either choose not to take the risk and stay single, or you choose to love someone knowing they may leave you someday. Link to comment
Lucius Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 His point is, there's always a risk when you love someone. You can either choose not to take the risk and stay single, or you choose to love someone knowing they may leave you someday. Exactly. My point was intended to illustrate an attitude, nothing more. Risk is all around us; we cannot let that stop us from living, from loving, from striving for what we want. To Indigo You can indeed live a happy life without being in a relationship; unless that choice is one that springs from fear. Fear of infidelity, fear of failure, fear of something else entirely. If fear is the motivator for our choices, we are not living a happy life; we are living, at best, a safe life. My analogy was intended to help illuminate this understanding, not to berate or prove a point. I apologize if you felt it was in some way preachy - such was not my intent. Link to comment
N1607308058 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 You can make your own choice and thats it. As far as what your partner is going to do.. all you can do is have faith in them. It's just hard to have faith that your partner won't cheat when there is all this apparent evidence to the contrary. Where is this elusive faith to be found? I know that I am not the cheating type. When I make a commitment, it's extremely important to me to honour it, and I refuse to be a slave to my passions. I don't believe you will only love one person, or that there is only one love for each of us. To be committed is a choice, and it is only decent to be forthright if one partner decides he or she no longer wants to commit. All things that are worthwhile come with risks attached; that's the nature of a blessing. There is always the chance of losing it. The risk just seems too great to me. And is it really worthwhile? I know that Raoul posted above that it was, because of the children involved. But if you don't have children? How can you look back at everything you had with a partner and think, "well, those were the good parts" when it's likely those good parts were a lie? Maybe they were good because you thought they were genuine. His point is, there's always a risk when you love someone. You can either choose not to take the risk and stay single, or you choose to love someone knowing they may leave you someday. I'm fully prepared to risk that someone may leave me some day. I know that people change, and maybe a couple will decide they are no longer right for each other. And to me, that is an acceptable risk. But to think that your significant other will cheat after you have spent considerable energy to ensure it does not happen, and that there is a great possibility you will never know about the infidelity? I agree that it's not healthy for fear to motivate our choices. But if this fear is well grounded, is it not prudent to let it guide us? Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I maintain my stance that at least 50% of men cheat, just based on common sense and what I've personally witnessed. For women, I don't feel qualified to guess. Now, if you count "emotional cheating," I think it skyrockets by double-digits. Link to comment
Circe Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 It's just hard to have faith that your partner won't cheat when there is all this apparent evidence to the contrary. Where is this elusive faith to be found? N, I think when you meet someone you respect and admire with all your heart.. the faith magically just appears. Link to comment
Circe Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 To Indigo You can indeed live a happy life without being in a relationship; unless that choice is one that springs from fear. Fear of infidelity, fear of failure, fear of something else entirely. If fear is the motivator for our choices, we are not living a happy life; we are living, at best, a safe life. My analogy was intended to help illuminate this understanding, not to berate or prove a point. I apologize if you felt it was in some way preachy - such was not my intent. Oh gosh.. no no I didnt think it was preachy - lol - I'm reading a book at the moment.. it uses jokes to illustrate different strands of philisophy.. and I was reminded of the "false analogy" which is why I made the comment.. I was just teasing I know what you meant.. Link to comment
Imprecision Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 No, you could do what many women do, and that is to be really skeptical and test guys until you're convinced of his intentions. Lots of guys get pissed when a girl tests them, but I understand where they're coming from, so I just think it over, give them my honest answer, and either things proceed or it all ends. Yes, but whether a guy passes a girl's tests has nothing to do with whether he will cheat - or does it? Anyway, virtually all men I know, at least those who have options, have cheated. Link to comment
Raoul Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Anyway, virtually all men I know, at least those who have options, have cheated. What does you hanging around with a lot of lowlifes have to do with statistics? If the people you know have no standards, values or expectations of themselves or others, perhaps you ought change who you associated with rather than to infer that your experience can be generalized. Raoul Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Yes, but whether a guy passes a girl's tests has nothing to do with whether he will cheat - or does it? If a guy knows how the system is played, then there is no way to tell, but now we're getting to an extremely small percentage. Most guys are not that smart. Link to comment
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