my troubled situation please help me

[dlmcc]

im kind of new to this but i cannot go to the people i know with this problem. recently i got involved with my friends ex girlfriend. it started out as a friendship and escalated into more when she asked me to hang out one night. i knew it was a bad idea but i always had a crush on her. i couldnt resist. after a few months she fell in love with me but i did not feel the same for her. i tried to keep my distance and prevent that from happening to myself. she wanted a relationship, something i could not give her because i knew if my friend found out about us that both our lives would be in danger. she went back to him since she could not handle being alone but we kept on seeing other secretly.i like dher but never really cared about what she did with him since i was content with just seeing her once a week and fooling around when we hung out. after a while i got to really know her and before i knew it i fell in love with her. i knew it was love when i found myself waking up during the middle of the night and thinking of her and missing her among other things. i also remember one day we all went out together and when her boyfriend went to the bathroom that we just grabbed each other and kissed. that night she went home with him and had sex with him. he told me the next day that he was trying to sleep and she pounced on him.it broke my heart.no guy wants to picture the girl they love in bed with another man especially their friend.i told her about how i felt and she said that they did have sex but that she did not inititate it. obviously my friend had no reason to make it up so i didnt believe her. she told me that if i had a problem dealing with it, that she would break up with him and be with me.i cannot stress the fact that if i did that that both our lives would be at risk.i told her that i love her and want to be with her with all my heart, but that it would have to wait until i finish college and get my own place. i live in walking distance from him and all our friends, who would not hesitate to tell him if we were to be caught together. what kind of relationship would it be if we had to sneak around for now and see each other late at night when everyone was sleeping? it would probably be too much for both of us to handle. she says she does not love him that she loves me instead and that she will break up with him when i am ready to be with her and we can leave her ex behind.but she will not leave him and stay alone in her house by herself. that he is just a distraction to keep her occupied until i am ready to go. she lost all her friends a while back and lives with just her mom so she is lonely.i dont know if i buy that excuse. i always thought that if u truly loved someone, that no one else could exist in ur eyes and the mere thought of holding another persons hand would make u sick. apparently she doesnt agree and says that they are more like friends than lovers that they dont even kiss hello and good bye there is no affection. but friends dont have sex and she does it once in a while with him when he tries only to keep him from being suspicious. it still hurts. and knowing i wont be ready to move somewhere far away with her for at least another year is hard. also he is teleling me he will propose to her soon and she knows his intention to do it. shes not sure what she will do because she doesnt know if we will work out and she doesnt want to wind up losing both of us if decided i couldnt be with her anymore one day down the road. i told her to follow her heart and if she loves me the way she says she does then it will not be a difficult decision. my friend is a drug addict and works a dead end job. i am drug free and almost finished with college. i also would never hurt her and she knows that. he has hurt her in the past. to me its a no brainer. but i need help. what do i do? do i let go of her for fear that she is not sincere and for the sake of stopping the pain i feel now knowing shes with him and not me every night? or do i follow my heart which tells me that she loves me and that wed have a lifetime of happiness together one day soon? i cant say for sure she will turn down his proposal and the fact that shes with him and she says she loves me with all her heart seems to be suspicious.i cant see how she can love me and hold his hand. but once again i cannot be with her now for fear of both of our lives. i cant go to anyone i know about this and i really would appreciate any advice u give me

[Ripcurl513]

It sounds like she doesn't know what to do and she is staying with him for the same reason you aren't with her...so her boyfriend won't find out about you and her. It sounds to me like she loves you a lot and I think you should definatley wait it out and see if you guys can stay together because finding love like you have isn't easy and even if you do just try to forget about her...you won't be able to if you love her this much. Everything will work out in the end if the feelings are as strong as they sound.

[sweetie_33]

hey...it sounds that u love her soo much, but it also seems to me that she doesnt have the same feelings for u, becoz when u love someone soo much u would be ready to give up everything for him/her....i dont think she should keep doin this, becoz she's cheating on ur friend..so talk to her tell her to choose one of u guys, becoz she cant have the two of u...and SHE COULD WAIT FOR U IF SHE REALLY LOVES U!

 

but if u decided not to do this...all i have to say is, FOLLOW UR HEART!!

[dlmcc]

thanks for the advice.i agree with what both of u said that i do feel she loves me alot but the fact that she wont leave him until i give her exactly what she wants is selfish of her.i know shes wrong for this but i cant see myself leaving her unless i know for sure her feelings are untrue.its hard to argue withher over this because all she will say is "ok fine ill leave him and be ur girlfriend just say the word".i feel im worth the wait and theres no doubt in her mind ill make her a hundred times happier than this kid will he makes her miserable as it is.the big test will be if god forbid he proposes.then ill know for sure where she stands.thanks for ur help

[Ripcurl513]

I definatly think that you are a much better person for her just by reading what you write....I agree with you that she needs to choose between you or this other guy, its true....if she really loves you as much as she says she does then she should just wait for you and not be with this other guy. I'm sure you two could still see eachother and it would be a lot easier to sneak around if she wasn't with him...its not like he can tell you or her that you two can't be friends. Obviously this guy is a dead end and your not so she needs to choose and she needs to really think about it cause if she chooses a dead beat over a guy like you then maybe she should be with him. But i think she loves you and she has every intention of being with you, shes probably just really scard and doesn't know what to do.

[dlmcc]

yeah i agree. i spoke to her earlier and i dont remember exactly what she said, but it triggered a fuse in me.i told her if she loves me then no other guy exists and the fact that shed have sex with this kid at all is insane.i told her i dont expect her to just pack up and leave him, but that i cant take the fact that they have sex, and the next time i hear it might mean goodbye.she argued that it shouldnt bother me since she doesnt really want to be doing it with him in the first place.i told her that it sounds like a load of crap and that even if it was true the point is shes having sex with another man, and if i let it happen now what kind of message would i be sending when we do wind up together.i told her its simple, its either the guy u love or its the guy ur wasting time with.that she needs to cut out what shes doing because it hurts me deeply.i told her i dont want to lose her but im not putting up with this kind of nonsense.when u love someone u dont want anyone else but them touching u and this contradicts that.she told me she understands and itll stop. i told her i guess it has to because ill only ask my friend who wont think anything of it to tell me.so i guess now the decision is hers.she says itll stop that she understands how i feel and that she doesnt want me to hurt over it anymore.only time will tell if she really means it

[Ripcurl513]

Yeah...she really needs to make that choice....but i can say on her side that i had a boyfriend that used to always want to have sex and I seriously didn't want to have sex with him but if i didn't he would just get so mad at me and we would fight over it forever...so just to say that...but i only let it go one because i cared about him and other than the sex thing he was a good guy...but this girl just really needs to get away from that guy...cause if she can't see that her life is going to be a dead end with this guy then maybe you should think about being with someone else....you could take me out, if you wanted to?.......LOL...no seriously though if i had a chance to be with a guy like you...well as much as i know about you from these things...but she is lucky and she just needs to choose!