How long would you wait?

[AngryHeart]

If you were talking (innocently) with somebody like a year ago, got on really well, but they had a long-term partner and said they were getting feelings for you and need to be faithful. They then come back about a year later, telling you their relationship is crumbling and they're going to end it. You start talking again, they end it with their partner, and are telling you they really like you want to get to know you, take you on a date.etc. But then they tell you they are grieving and have a lot of feelings to work through, they really like you but can't have too much preassure or take it too fast. What would you do?! How long would you be willing to wait for this person to have sorted their feelings out? Oh, and I've asked him if this is just some rebound, he just says "I really like you"

[ghost69]

i don't like being 2nd best. lol jk.

 

well, they did the right thing in ending it before trying with you. i've done it with a girl before. she found me at one of my old local spots after she broke up. i gave it a shot. lasted 2.5 years.

[Sunflour]

Well, it speaks well of this person that he did the honorable thing not once but three times:

 

1) When attracted to you while in a relationship with someone else, he recognized the danger of the situation and put distance between you to give the existing relationship a chance.

 

2) He ended the relationship honestly before suggesting anything further with you.

 

3) He was honest about needing this new relationship to move slowly.

 

That's three big pluses in his favor, in my opinion. He's not saying the two of you can't have a relationship, just that he needs it to proceed slowly. Nothing wrong with that--you need time to get to know one another anyway.

[AngryHeart]

i don't like being 2nd best. lol jk.

 

well, they did the right thing in ending it before trying with you. i've done it with a girl before. she found me at one of my old local spots after she broke up. i gave it a shot. lasted 2.5 years.

 

How do I go about letting him sort out his feelings, but help him with it and let him know I care? Does he need a lot of space?

 

Well, it speaks well of this person that he did the honorable thing not once but three times:

 

1) When attracted to you while in a relationship with someone else, he recognized the danger of the situation and put distance between you to give the existing relationship a chance.

 

2) He ended the relationship honestly before suggesting anything further with you.

 

3) He was honest about needing this new relationship to move slowly.

 

That's three big pluses in his favor, in my opinion. He's not saying the two of you can't have a relationship, just that he needs it to proceed slowly. Nothing wrong with that--you need time to get to know one another anyway.

 

Yeah, I agree. I really do respect him for that. It tells me how he would probably be if we were to ever have a relationship - loyal. That's what he keeps saying - that he really wants to get to know me more, that he's really enjoying getting to know me, but it's just a big change for him. He's older than me (30) and was with his ex for almost 6 years, so much more experience than me. I also find it hard to know how fast, slow, and what to really do in a relationship because the relationships my mother was in (starting with my father) have never been stable/healthy. It does seem like he's being genuine and honourable here, but the situation still makes me uneasy. I can get clingy, which I know esp. in this situation is NOT going to be healthy. So maybe this is just the challenge I need...? To be patient and calm?

[ghost69]

well, i would give them some time after the breakup to make sure they are ready to try anything with you. if you do decide to date them and they keep referring to their last relationship, i'd be really weary. my ex was all for dating me and never spoke of the other guy. i think she was fully over him before she contacted me. i had asked her out long ago but she had a bf so i respected her for that.

[tiredofvampires]

It really depends on how much potential I think we have, and how much I already feel for him. If I feel there is a very strong bond, I would have no timeline.

 

I am in no hurry. And part of that is age (ironically, since you'd think at my age, I'd be more desperate, but actually, it's the other way around -- I want quality, and don't have time to waste on too many more wrong moves, so waiting for the right thing is more of the essence than ever.) The other part is knowing that I am not easily matched, so if this seemed like a promising thing and I was starting to feel I was in love, I'd just wait to see how it went.

 

This is just me, though. A lot of people would caution me or you not to close doors during this time. But I'm not a "dating around" type if I really, really like someone. I see one thing through before I move on. Probably to my detriment, but oh well, I can't help it. It's just the way I am.