GeeCee Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Scout You are spot on!! Absolutely spot on!!! And he will never ever know. Dear Lord, I am fast learning patience. Find it f%$king tiresome, have no doubt, but am learning patience. I am in this for the long haul. Some days are good. Some are crashingly tedious. But have made a decision and plan to do my best to stick to it. No more delicious sex for me, have enrolled into a nunnery - awaiting signing of contracts - but am good to go!!! G xx Link to comment
Scout Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 I hate patience too. And I wouldn't even have suggested it to you - but it does seem there is some genuine, real liking you two have for each other that indicates maybe a friendship is worth the effort. Maybe. Warning: don't be too shocked if after some time into your friendship, you discover that's all you really want from him! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Scout Spot on again honey!!! Absolutely, you are right on the money every time. But will not know without trying. G xx Link to comment
Scout Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Gee Cee - would you do me a tiny favor and read my post about my current saga? I am supposed to meet up with the ex tonight, and not sure how to approach things. I would be very curious to hear in particular your take on this situation. Link to comment
DaisyB Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 A nunnery? Oh no, GeeCee, oh no! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Scout - looking now. DaisyB - well, maybe not just yet - after all the contract hasn't arrived!!! G xx Link to comment
rich_1517 Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Hi GeeCee i was thinking about you and your situation. i love that "situation" when did romance become a "stituation"? is this where we all meet in the "situation room" underneath some government building and the "target" is up on the screen as the cia operative gives his or her background? seriously though. bluntly cause I know you can handle it you are as impatient as I am,and thats ok, this stuff is important to us. im realizing in my case that this may take a month or two to resolve into what i want, or not happen. the steps if you choose to play the game are slow and yeild small results at first. there is no promise of recconcilliation, so at times it can be unbearable and just make you want to pitch the whole thing. I cant tell you what you should do about staying in the game or not. but i can say that either one means patience (dont you love that?) in other words both routes stink. but i went from no hope to something that i can work with for now. its the patience and not putting too much investment in each step as an expectation of outcome or results. take solice in one of two end goals. you stronger and able to let go, the other perhaps hes back. but no false hope and no non hope either. I hope i am not sounding preachy. i just think of you, i like you and i want to see you happy. Link to comment
Scout Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 I love that analogy - we're in a secret underground "Mission Control" room! Target: THE EX. If you think about it, we are all on computers. Oh, if our respective exes only knew about our covert missions... 0X Link to comment
rich_1517 Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 the analogy can get even scarier. we recruit "special operatives" (us) to research the targets behavours and patterns to come up with a window of opportuity to "take them down". if you think about some of the lengths exes go to get an ex back, searching garbage, scouring the computer, going into the house, its not unlike CIA or FBI approaches. eeep. scary. sorry GeeCee kind of got off track there. Link to comment
SincerlyHurt Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hi G, I hope you are having a good day. I watched Scrubs on T.V. last night and it was about the good doctor not being able to have the girl he wants, but it was humorous. That show always has a good message attached. It brought me out of my rut somewhat. I am at school today and may start a draft to enclose in the ex's B-Day card. For details see my thread. I will not begin writing it until I see how she acts in class today, that being the last time I see her for the week. I noticed our threads have slowed considerably, our friends here must be getting what they want or just giving up and fading away. I wish I could fade away, give up on the ex and be content that things I find in life will always be better. The wonderment of it all is what compels me to keep going back for more heartache. You will never know unless you try. To tell you the truth, I would have given anything just to be in the position I am in right now a month ago. But my eyes still have not healed from the bloodying and bruising,and I can't see anymore clearly now than I could when they were swollen shut. Actually I am more at a loss now. I have faith that time itself will figure this all out for us. In the meantime the simplest things we can do is what just feels right within us. I am at school now, class starts in 5 minutes but I will be checking back in periodically throughout the day. OK, Im off to gaze at Ms. Radiantly Beautiful, who knows, maybe I will make some leeway with her today. Keep me in mind. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hey all, It's been awhile since I've been here and don't have time right now to catch up on all I've missed... The past couple days have sort of been hell for me...I had a dream about my ex sunday night, I hate that the only place I can hold her is in my dreams...well for the past couple nights, it's the same dream...just me and her holding each other and looking into each other's eyes...then dream has ended the same way the past three nights, the alarm clock goes off and I have to go to work. Its been four months now...I can't believe it's been that long. The other thing thats dragging me down is that it was this time last year when we met. In a week and a half I'll be visiting my buddies back at the uni, it's the big end of the year party, which happens to be what our first date was...I'll be up there trying to party and have fun, but I'm sure all I'll think about is how it should be our one year anniversary....the next couple weeks are going to be hell...I'm sick of this, i'm sick of my life at this point... Sorry about the depressive post, two weeks ago you would have thought I'd never be doing it again...but it's funny how one little dream or thought can make you slip into thinking of them all the time...Hope everyone is doing better than me! Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hey Dikaia whether it helps i don't know, but i just wanted to say i know how you're feeling. 4 months for me too, and stil having those exact same dreams. you feel great for about 15 seconds when you wake up with that nice feeling you get from nice thoughts that things are still good. Then the reality kicks in. Hey thats why i pointed out the song "in dreams" by Roy Orbison a few weeks ago. Seriously...take a listen, it will make you laugh...in a warped kinda way!!! Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hey Spatz... to be honest I don't even get that 15 seconds of happiness...As soon as that alarm goes off I know it's another day of sitting at my desk getting nothing done (if there is anything to get done) and thinking of her. All the things she said when we were together about marriage, spending a long happy life together and all that...then all the things she's said since about not wanting a serious relationship and that sort of thing... I can't understand how you could feel one way and then so suddenly change... When we started talking again after the first couple weeks of no contact, I could have used it for good, now I realize that I was awkward about things at times and that messed it up for me... I don't know how to get around that...I don't know how to just be her friend, All I want at this point is for it to be August so i can go back and try to win her back, but I don't know if I can... I have the hardest time putting myself in a good mood...how can I get her to see we're right together if I can't be happy? I don't know how to be happy...the only time I can forget about her is that hour and a half when i'm at the gym... When I go up there I'll want to see her, but I don't know if she'll want to see me...I could try to ask her to that party, but she may just see it as me trying to get her back, being that it will be our (or would have been) our anniversary... I thought I was done with this lack of confidence bull...but I guess when i swung for that homer and got shot down it hurt me more than I thought...We've only talked once since then...she also sent me an email asking "Why is it an easter bunny when he lays eggs? shouldn't be an easter chicken?" I sent her an email Sunday night...I asked her what is the Hokey Pokey really all about...she sent back an email and at the end she said it made her laugh out loud and people were looking at her funny... Maybe I just have to keep up the fun emails and hope that it makes her want to call me.... I'm feeling sick of all this...almost physically ill at times... When I was with her my life was the best it had ever been, now it's been the worst four months of my life (literally) and i don't see the light at then end of the tunnel... Well off to a meeting...hope your all doing well Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Once again Dikaia, i know how you feel. The last four months for have also been hell. We had all these plans together - things to do, places to travel, other plans. Now it feels like anything i do to replace those plans is just a kick in the teeth because i know how much more i want to be doing the things i had planned with HER. We have stupidly similar stories in terms of what they said - talking about marriage and long term committment, and then in seemingly the same breath talking about how they want out, and it is too serious. And, like you, i have no idea where to go from here. I went for the big shot too - things were going so well - all the flirting etc, and i went for the big shot, and ended up in the same place i was before, only feeling worse. Yet even after telling her how i still have strong feelings for her, she still kept coming back for more - she still wanted to see me, etc. Aaaaaaaarghhhhhhh. I'd give anything to be able to turn off this feeling. I was out at the weekend and flirting a LOT with this girl that i know. But the whole time, i knew that i was only doing it to give myself an ego boost. And that made me feel bad about flirting like that. Because i went home on my own, wanting my ex more than ever. What can you do?? nothing. And that SUCKS Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 I know spatz...it's like we're the same guy. After the big shot, I felt like I had the answers...She didn't want a serious relationship and that the long distance would make it even harder to get back together if she did... But then answers bring more questions...Mainly, Why? But things like...she said she doesn't know what will happen in the future, and when she does want to date I'd be the first to know (what the hell does that mean?) She emails me little jokes, why? Why do you want us to be friends and be able to talk about anything at all? A friend of my roommate is this smoking hot blonde...she wants me, bad...but all it does is make me think of the ex...isn't that supposed to get me over the ex? Another friend of mine says "even though she knows you're going back to school, she wants push you away and see if you still go back thinking you two don't have a future...that way she knows your not going back for her." Is there any logic to that? I'm sick of all these questions and thoughts that float around my head... Did she tell me she's not dating anyone and doesn't want a relationship so as not to hurt me? or is that the truth... Now that I've waken up a bit I'm not in such a bad mood as I was, but she's still on my mind...only four hours then I can get the hell out of here and go to the gym and forget her for awhile... Do you think I'm best off playing the email game for awhile...light hearted jokes and such? I really want to talk to her, but I'm going to wait until she calls...I'd feel weird calling her first I think. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Dikaia, To be honest, i have NO idea. I have a hard enough time trying to figure out my own game and what steps i want to take next. I want to get over this girl for my own good, but i don't want to get over her because i am still so sure there is something there, and it doesn't feel right to just give up on something like that. Do you know what i mean?? I see attractive women all the time and they just remind me of what i am missing with my ex. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Oh boy do I know what you mean... She has even told me that she's never asked me to wait for her...but I feel like if I give up, then it just shows her we weren't right in the first place... It just seems like she has her head on straight at this point...that she's convinced she doesn't know what she wants and that not being with anyone is the best...somehow if I could shake that... I think the biggest thing is how do i hold on for three and a half or four months until i can always be there and have a much better chance with it... How do I keep her from moving on too far from me... The one thing I worry about going back to school now is this...While I know I am not going back for her, but for myself...how am I going to feel if things don't work out with me and her then? For right now I have some hope that in the future, but if I get back at it's obviously not going to happen or if she has someone else...I don't know how I'll feel, heck maybe I'll feel better...maybe it's my hope thats killing me... Somehow i have to make her comfortable in the next week and a half so that when I go up there for three days I can get a chance to hang out with her....I think last time I was up there she was hesitant to meet because things had been awkward...it will have been three weeks after I swung for the homer and stuck out so I can play that I'm over it and that it actually gave me the closure I told her I had been looking for...emails the way to go for now...I hate it though as she doesn't check her email from like friday to monday, leaves a lapse of conversation, but I think it's best if I get her to call me.... Oh wow I hate this! Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hey everybody...Since I've been gone awhile I just wanted to know how everyones doin? Hope all is good! Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hey Spatz... to be honest I don't even get that 15 seconds of happiness...As soon as that alarm goes off I know it's another day of sitting at my desk getting nothing done (if there is anything to get done) and thinking of her. All the things she said when we were together about marriage, spending a long happy life together and all that...then all the things she's said since about not wanting a serious relationship and that sort of thing... I can't understand how you could feel one way and then so suddenly change... UGh this forum is absolute crazyness! i cant believe so many people are going through the EXACT same crap im going through!! did you ALLLL date my Ex david or something?? lol yea i made the mistake of making out, not having sex w/ my ex after a month after we broke up (who am i foolin?! i mean weh he brke up with me) he told me all those exact same things, im talented beautiful, funny, perfect 10, great in bed, etc etc... & how we discussed getting married & he looked for Engagement rings & was willing to sell his car for it!!!! but 3 days later breaks up with me...now i dunno bout u guys but to me thats grounds to break up dontcha think *haha JK* well its about a month & 20 days now & last week i started the NC thing we have all come to know & love... did i just say that? DID I JUST MEAN THAT?? lol i dont know but anywho, yea i wouldnt give my ex the satisfaction of letting him have another piece of me w/o me being his gf & in a commited relationship. it just confuses thigns & b/c we made out that night i think it set me back to square one...which sucks but at least now im back at square one w/ a better mind set. im able to laugh at this whole thing & tho someties it sucks (like everyday being single) i am so much happier after finding this websyte & starting the NC rule, and No Contact definitly means NO PHYSICAL CONTACT! i dunno bout u guys but i know my Ex has to work for this here! even though it was always great fun pornstar-like times...*sigh* funny how while we were together all i thought about was sex now im thinking about joining a convent...lol sincerely, the born again virgin Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 I'm kinda hoping I can get my ex in bed...might remind her of the things I used to do to (and for) her! Oh well, it wouldn't make me feel any different, I'm in the dumps as it is, so at least it would give me some happy time...and who knows maybe she'd re-think the wanting to be alone! Oh who am I kidding...she'd just be getting what she wants...nothing serious, just the sex...but maybe I could work it back into a relationship okay enough about thinking of sex! Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Dakaia, dont do it. a relationship based on sex is a relationship destined for failure. trust me i had amazzzing sex w/ my ex & i know he misses it & wants it but they cant have all the fun w/o the comitment, dont do it. thats my opinion at least. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 true...but as I see it there's no way we'll be getting back together until at least I'm back at school...So, when I'm up there visiting...what would it really hurt? Once I go back to school I could cut it off, but in the meantime... Well this is all considering she'd even be up for it...I think she might shy away from it because she might worry what it would do to me emotionally as she knows she's given me mixed signals in the past and doesn't want to hurt me anymore... But you never know what happens...heck maybe it makes her remember the old times and miss me more...or not...but either way as long as I'm confident and don't let it get to me emotionally (or at least that what I show her) what would it really hurt? Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 ughhh im so against sex w/o a relationship and definitly no sex when there are emotions involved with a serious breakup, i seriously wouldnt do it. if it was a mutual nice breakup thats fine. but this isnt the case sex shouldnt be used as a too to win someone back & if your funtimes existed primarily in the bedroom maybe you should reevaluate whats important in a relationship & think it over. my ex & i made out 2 weeks ago & he hasnt IMed me or anything since. i called him a cpl times but its jus b/c i missed what i had...dont do it i had a breakdown a couple nights after & i called him up crying. it makes things way more complicated it brought me back to square one with him & now im back to the no contact rule...it sucks! dont backtrack. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted April 22, 2004 Author Share Posted April 22, 2004 Hi Dikaia and all All this talk of sex brought me out of my hiding place. Dikaia, I totally agree with you (no surprise, I shouldn't think), sex with your ex, in your circumstances, would do you more good than harm. A lot more!! I have heard from the ex, and it was friendly and light. Shall update you further soon. G xx Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 No actually we had a great relationship...Long distance got in the way (when we split up we were looking at 2 and a half years of LD) and she's been confused about things but has decided that being alone is best right now...thats whats she's said... Our good times were not only in the bedroom... My other thing is...well I'm a guy, I haven't had sex since we were together, and i don't want to sleep around (even though I have a "friend" who would want to) So, if she's up for it, I'd go into it know nothing would come out of it...it wouldn't get her back, I know this...but it would be fun... This is all considering it's even a possibility... I'm heart broken over her...but to me the sex isn't what I miss about our relationship, it was great, and I know that I could sleep with her without it becoming an emotional thing for me... What would it do to our current "relationship" I don't know...it could almost make us more at ease with each other...who knows...the possibilty of it actually happing aren't all that good anyways... Link to comment
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