Ex girlfriend thinks that her child might be mine...

[Imissher]

Hey everyone,

An ex girlfriend of mine (before I met my current girlfriend) thinks her little girl is mine. The daughter is about 3 years old (about the last time we had sex and dated before I moved).

 

She said she does not want any money, but only claims that she wants her daughter to know her father. I am thinking about getting a test done on the child to see if she really is mine. If she is in fact mine, I will of course take care of her and want to be part of her life.

 

What do you think I should do in this situation? I have never met this little girl. I have only seen pictures. I am worried about this destroying my current relationship with my girlfriend.

[DN]

IMO, if this child is yours then you have a duty to be involved in her life as a father in every sense of the word. As far as your girlfriend is concerned - hopefully she will love you enough to realise that what you would be doing is admirable.

 

So - yes, get the DNA test.

[PsychGirly]

Your ex-gf seems sincere.

 

I think you should do the paternity test before you mention anything to your current gf & before you meet your potential daughter. There's no need in worrying her if you're not even sure yet.

 

If the DNA test proves that she is your child, then it's really up to your gf to decide whether she wants to be with you or not. Your child should come first.

 

Why did your ex wait 3 years to tell you though?

[Alezia]

I would agree to getting a paternity test done before seeing the daughter.

It's not so much that it's mean, but you don't want to give her hopes of "finding her daddy" if you are not really the father. There is nothing worst than having your hopes crushed when it comes to family.

 

Does she bear any resemblance to you?

Since this would have happened before you met your girlfriend, I wouldn't be too worried about it. It's not like she can accuse you of cheating etc.. etc... she probably knew you were sleeping with other women before her right?

At least if she can see you will "own up" to your actions, then she can assume you would do the same for her. So ultimately, I'm not sure how you could be portrayed as a bad man in this scenario if you do go of it willingly.

 

She might not be too happy if you do have a daughter, but at this point, there isn't much you can do about it.

[Imissher]

Why did your ex wait 3 years to tell you though?

 

We were 16 when I moved away. I got a new cell phone and new number. We ended our relationship right before I left (because of the distance), and I thought it would be best to not contact her. I didn't use my AIM messenger anymore, and I didn't have a myspace. I made a myspace for my cousin when she moved away so we could post messages back and forth to each other on there.

 

Not long after I got a message from her asking me to call her. She gave me her number again and I called her. She told me she hasn't been in a sexual relationship since then, but I'm not sure if I believe that because she is currently 19 years old. Not all 19 year olds are having sex, but quite a few couples are sexually active around this age. She said she just wanted to focus on school and her daughter. Who knows..

[Imissher]

The scary thing is... the mother is of latin heritage, and this little girl has eyes like mine. I know that does not necessarily mean she is my little girl, but I don't think she would have had these eyes if she was full latin like her mother was.

 

My girlfriend knows I had relationships before her, so I'm not so worried about that. I just worry she will hate the aspect of me having a child.

 

I appreciate the reply. ](*,)

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Not much you can do if your girlfriend is not pleased about the situation. Did you have unprotected sex with your ex the last time you were intimate? Perhaps your ex is telling the truth about not having sex since then...after all, she became pregnant at 16 years old and if you are indeed the father then she was left high and dry as the father moved away. She has been raising the child on her own, her life having been made more difficult by having this child at such a young age. Your current gf is also young and may not want to be with a man who has a child...that is her choice and there is not much you can do about it. Sex is fun but it also can have consequences. I agree that you should get the test done first before telling your current gf.

[tastytoothpaste]

Get the DNA test for sure. And if you are her father, I think you should be a part of her life.

[melrich]

I think that if you believe it is a possibility thatthe child is yours then you should take the paternity test. And I agree with the others, do that before you make any commitments in terms of the child.

[Imissher]

Not much you can do if your girlfriend is not pleased about the situation. Did you have unprotected sex with your ex the last time you were intimate? Perhaps your ex is telling the truth about not having sex since then...after all, she became pregnant at 16 years old and if you are indeed the father then she was left high and dry as the father moved away. She has been raising the child on her own, her life having been made more difficult by having this child at such a young age. Your current gf is also young and may not want to be with a man who has a child...that is her choice and there is not much you can do about it. Sex is fun but it also can have consequences. I agree that you should get the test done first before telling your current gf.

 

I hate to admit this now since I know how foolish it was then, but the majority of our sex was unprotected. We usually used the.... ''pull out'' method. If the little girl is mine, I will definitely be there for the child.

 

Southern and Mel, I agree.

 

Thank you everyone for the feedback. There sure is a lot weighing on my mind at this time. ](*,)