rich_1517 - her confidence is too high, im for granted

[rich_1517]

i guess this is to remember where i am human. i think things had gotten pointed in a positive if not awkward direction that on some level i have not wanted to be too negative here. to be sad.

 

well im pretty sad right now, and angry. i guess i know her interest level. she hasnt bothered to call to see about possibilities this weekend. she still may, but i doubt it, shes a planner. so this is a case of

 

"sure you can date me, ill do whatever i want, you come entertain me and do all the work, but dont ask me to invest any of MY time into it."

 

im alttle bitter at the moment. i have chosen correctly how to deal with this, to leave it in her hands to call, no pursuit by me. kind of shows her colors. maybe shes cautious, maybe she thought i was being distant, maybe shes confused.

 

um, yeah? so? i am also the guy who was there for three years and three months. i think if i dont see something of value from this girl i am going to write her off.

 

man does this show how she feels, when i was doing all the work it made it easy for her. i wonder what if anything is going through her head right now? i hope the worst.

 

but i know her and how shes been lately she might be relieved that im not pursuing, that i might be dating. she can be soooo sympathatic lately. i got the message at "thanks for coming"

 

well i may turn an ugly corner on this. i am feeling pretty taken for granted, ok i put myself here, but damn have let my opportunities to tell her how i felt about this just keep slipping by. now i may in a case of chasing her to say "i dont want you". right.

 

sorry needed to vent, grrrgrrrr, if there isnt someone else i would be very surprised. but she may also (unlikely) be waiting for my call. thank god i planned ahead for a date this weekend.

 

she probably did too, the one piece of my plan i did not follow through on, make her feel supported "until the weekend"

 

my attitude is at odds with my signature quote

[rich_1517]

i should post to myself. seriously though. i need feedback. not on what i want to say, but whether to call. a friend pointed out we are doing Exactly what made us fail, one waiting for the other. i think i should call.

 

I found the words i need to address what i want

 

"im sad right now. im looking at how our story is ending, or whatever it is and its just like how we were for the last year. each is waiting for the other to do something, so nothing happens. thats where the passion goes. everyone plays it safe and no one wins. you said you wanted to fight for what you needed.

 

well this is exactly how the two are linked. we cannot just live a neutered non friends non lovers way, there has to be more or less. more i dont know what that looks like, less i do, it means take what we had and call it a day. accept the loss of each other and that love and understand that friends will be something else, sometime else.

 

or.. get in the ring and find where the passion lies, becuase passion like anything else in life is about fighting and risk taking, trust me on this. i live it. my passions have been my best attribute and worst enemy, but its always about risk of being hurt in some way, it wouldnt be pasisonate if it wasnt, safety sometimes has to take a back seat to desire

 

well there it is.