Unreasonable?

[chewy21]

Okay, let me start this off by saying that communication between me and Jessica has degenerated into this cold, "business only" type of crap.

 

When she left, she forgot to pack quite a few things. I kept them for her, packed them up, stored them in a storage building at my dad's place, went last weekend to get it out, and I'm taking it to her this weekend on my way to a weekend getaway.

 

Here is the message I sent to her earlier today (well, yesterday now) about the details:

 

"We're coming on Saturday, the day after tomorrow. I need to know where you want to meet, because I'd rather not go to your mom's house. Also, if you could borrow your mom's cell phone when we meet up (in case I need to call you for directions) then that would make things easier. Thanks."

 

She replied with this:

 

"I've got to work tomorrow night, but I'll be at mom's all day. You know the directions and the house number. In case you don't:

409-XXX-XXXX"

 

And then, I went back to her with this:

 

"I'm not coming tomorrow night. I'm coming Saturday, probably around noon or early afternoon.

 

Also, like I said, I'd rather not go by your mom's house. If we could meet somewhere in Orange, maybe the Pilot parking lot or something like that, then that would be better.

 

I'm not asking a lot here. I'm bringing you your stuff. I've kept it for you since you left me. After everything you've done to me, at least do me this small favor and drive for two minutes to meet me somewhere so that I can give it to you without having to worry about how I should feel around your family."

 

To me, this is ridiculous. I've done all of this to get her things to her, and now she wants to deny meeting me somewhere to pick it up?

 

What in the hell is going on here?

[Capricorn3]

Just go to her mom's house and drop it off there. You don't have to go inside, meet the parents and make small talk. Simply drop her stuff off at the front door and drive off. Once you have dropped it off, you can always send her a text to let her know it's at the front door. Simple. No?

[chewy21]

Good idea in theory, Capricorn, but her mom's not the type to not notice someone outside, and then not go out and talk to them. It'll be awkward, and I don't think it's asking too much of her to spare me a few awkward moments if I don't want to go through them. I mean, I've done all of this, and I'm bringing her stuff to her. Most guys would have trashed it already for the way she's treated me. Again, I'm not asking a lot. It's a two minute drive into town to meet me in a parking lot somewhere.

 

Is that really asking too much?

[Clabs]

Hi Chewy

 

I don't think she is being unreasonable here. Drop the stuff off at her mum's and be done with it mate.

 

Mark

[Capricorn3]

Is that really asking too much?

No it's not. But I still don't see it being a big deal either in just simply driving by the house, dropping the stuff off at the front door, and driving off again. It would take all of 30 seconds (imo). If the mother happens to see you and comes outside, you simply give a quick wave, tell her you're running late (for whatever), and have to go. End of story.

 

I don't think you should make this bigger than is necessary.

[chewy21]

She's got some things of mine as well. It wouldn't be as simple as just dropping her things and running.

 

Aside from that, I'm the one doing her a favor here. When someone does you a favor, you don't get to dictate how it's done. The way I see it, she can either meet me a few miles away from her house, or she can drive 300 miles to come and get it. I definitely don't have to bring it to her.

[PsychGirly]

I know in your mind you want to believe you're doing her a favor, but you're really not.

 

It doesn't seem all that important to her to be getting her stuff back, or else she would've had it by now.

 

I think a part of you wants to make an excuse to see her, & you're using this as an excuse.

 

You could easily drop her stuff off infront of her mom's house & walk away, & have her bring you your stuff as a favor when she has the time, but you're wanting to meet up with her at a more convenient place (perhaps to feel more comfortable, & maybe talk?).

 

You come first. If it really bothers you to take it to her mom's house, & that's the only option she's offering, then let her pick it up on her own time. Just store the stuff away.

[Clabs]

I know in your mind you want to believe you're doing her a favor, but you're really not.

 

It doesn't seem all that important to her to be getting her stuff back, or else she would've had it by now.

 

I think a part of you wants to make an excuse to see her, & you're using this as an excuse.

 

You could easily drop her stuff off infront of her mom's house & walk away, & have her bring you your stuff as a favor when she has the time, but you're wanting to meet up with her at a more convenient place (perhaps to feel more comfortable, & maybe talk?).

 

You come first. If it really bothers you to take it to her mom's house, & that's the only option she's offering, then let her pick it up on her own time. Just store the stuff away.

 

I agree 100%!

[chewy21]

Well, what's done is done. I've been her doormat for too long, and if she's not willing to drive 2 minutes to get her things back, then she obviously doesn't want them that badly. I'm trashing them in the morning.

 

She ended up calling me, saying that the only way this would happen is if we do it at her parents' house. I told her that if that was the case then it's not happening. Since we didn't have anything else to talk about, I hung up.

 

You're right, I did plan to talk to her about some things while we were exchanging belongings. If she's too much of a coward to face me, then so be it. She'll pay the price by losing her stuff.

 

She also owed me about $200. I told her she can keep it.

 

And yes, I was doing her a favor. She doesn't have the gas money to drive this far even if she wanted to. And I'm not being petty when I say that I literally have nowhere to store her things. They've been in my bathtub since the move. I've put up with it because I thought she deserved them back.

 

That's obviously not the case, though.

 

Anyway, this has finally given me a reason to block her on YouTube, Facebook, and Myspace. She has my number if she needs to contact me.

 

I know this sounds like I'm being unreasonable, but there's only so much a person can take. This was the proverbial straw.

 

Thanks for all your replies.

[Clabs]

No worries Chewy

 

If her stuff is not worth that much then in all honesty I would chuck it in the bin and be done with it. Time to put a lid on things perhaps?

 

Mark

[PsychGirly]

Good for you.

 

There's no reason why you should be doing her any favors.

 

If it makes you feel any better, the last guy I dated turned out to be a total a**, & he still has some of my stuff (CDs, & some other minor stuff), not to mention he owes me $100...but I never brought any of it up.

 

You can keep my I'll keep my dignity.

[chewy21]

Absolutely, Clabs.

 

That was actually the reason I was bringing it to her, because I wanted to be done with everything. I didn't want to go on knowing I had to see her again. But at the same time, I wanted to talk to her one last time to try and get a better understanding of how things went so wrong.

 

But either way, she's not the person I was in a relationship with anymore. She's cold, spiteful, and inconsiderate now. And I find this out after I've tried my best after the breakup to show her I'm still the same guy and still here for her if she needs me.

 

I'm glad to be rid of it, finally.

 

She actually called back a second ago to ask if I had just tried to call her. I said no, and she said nevermind and hung up.

[chewy21]

Thanks, Psych.

 

I really never thought I could ever feel this way toward her. But I can't stress enough how different she is now. The girl I loved would never have acted this way.

 

But then, I guess the girl I loved would never have dumped me for an internet relationship with a guy from another country who she's never met. Go figure.

 

Thanks again for your response, really made me feel better.

[PsychGirly]

Don't feel so much hatred towards her. All it does is make things more complicated for you.

 

Best thing to do is to forgive & forget, trust me.

[chewy21]

Don't feel so much hatred towards her. All it does is make things more complicated for you.

 

Best thing to do is to forgive & forget, trust me.

 

I can't help how I feel right now. I think I've been needing to get angry about this for a while.

 

Forgiving and forgetting will come with time, I'm sure. This was all realized not 30 minutes ago.

 

But it is good advice. I won't linger on these emotions longer than necessary.

[DN]

I suspect the reason she is doing this is so that she doesn't have to give you the money back and because she doesn't want to talk to you.

[COtuner]

I can't help how I feel right now. I think I've been needing to get angry about this for a while.

 

Forgiving and forgetting will come with time, I'm sure. This was all realized not 30 minutes ago.

 

But it is good advice. I won't linger on these emotions longer than necessary.

 

It's the next stage of grieving, means you're out of denial. I'd drop off the stuff if I were you - I think throwing it out will haunt you later in the grieving process because you'll see it as a sign of your anger and regret it.

[annie24]

why can't you just mail it instead?

[chewy21]

why can't you just mail it instead?

 

Too much to mail. I'm not going to pay the probably $50 in postage it would take.

[annie24]

you know what - just drop it off at the mom's, spend a few minutes talking about the weather or whatever, and then wish her a good day and leave. it's either a few minutes of awkward talk or $50 in postage.

[annie24]

or you can just tell her to come pick it up herself. or to send you a check and you will mail it to her.

[chewy21]

or you can just tell her to come pick it up herself. or to send you a check and you will mail it to her.

 

Offered to let her come get it herself (if she really didn't want to drive the two minutes) but she would have to let me know by this morning, because I can't store it all here. She hasn't let me know.

 

She could have driven two minutes to come pick it up tomorrow if it was of any importance. It's obviously not, and I'm through being the nice guy about it.

 

And I doubt she has the money for a check to pay for postage. Even then, I'm definitely not going through the hassle now after how she's treated me.

[chewy21]

It's the next stage of grieving, means you're out of denial. I'd drop off the stuff if I were you - I think throwing it out will haunt you later in the grieving process because you'll see it as a sign of your anger and regret it.

 

No, I doubt seriously that this will haunt me later. This stuff obviously isn't very important to her or she would do me the small favor that I'm asking. If I start worrying about it later, all I have to do is look back and see that she didn't even want to drive a few miles for it.

 

Besides, with the money she owes me that I'm letting her keep, I've basically paid her for it, and then some... several times over.

[retired1]

My .02 cents.

 

Regardless of how you feel about the situation, dropping the stuff off at the front door shows two things. One, you're the better person for it, and two, it doesn't matter who has done what, you're still willing to do the right thing.

 

This whole thing reminds me of two people who are so angry at each other they use a third person to argue with each other. Drop the attitude, swallow your pride, and just drop the stuff off.

[chewy21]

My .02 cents.

 

Regardless of how you feel about the situation, dropping the stuff off at the front door shows two things. One, you're the better person for it, and two, it doesn't matter who has done what, you're still willing to do the right thing.

 

This whole thing reminds me of two people who are so angry at each other they use a third person to argue with each other. Drop the attitude, swallow your pride, and just drop the stuff off.

 

She's got no right to be angry with me. That's what gets to me out of this whole situation. I didn't do anything to deserve how she's treating me.

 

I already know I'm the better person. Dropping off her stuff would only let her know that I can't back up what I say, and I'm sick of her seeing my weakness since the breakup. If I thought the stuff was of any importance to her, I would just put it back into storage after I get back this weekend and wait for her to come get it. It's not, or she would have driven two minutes to come and get it.

 

I'm done with it.