My ex is SO stubborn!

[pip]

My ex is a very stubborn person. Once he makes up his mind, it's hard for anyone or anything to change it. He'll even ignore his own feelings if they contradict what he's already decided in his head.

 

I know for a fact that my ex has experienced feelings of missing me and being attracted to me since breaking up. Yet he's decided we're 'not meant to be together' in his head, and won't allow anything to change that. Even if his heart is telling him something, he refuses to listen.

 

I accept his decision, but what's the best way to maximize my chance of getting back together with him? Should I have 'no contact'? Or should I maintain some contact in order to give him an opportunity to feel attracted to me?

 

I'd give *anything* to have him back. Fingers crossed

[Mythical_Suicide]

If he has made his mind up and doens't want a relationship with you maybe it's time you started looking elsewhere. I know this is easier said then done but sometimes you have to do things you dont wanna do.

Best of Luck.

 

-Mythical Suicide-

[danimal77]

No offense Mythical_Suicide, with you're attitude, I suggest you give up right now.

 

Pip, I highly suggest you maintain contact and help him to feel more comfortable with you and start trusting you. Work at his defenses and watch his wall start crumbling. You want a stubborn person? Take a look at my then ex and now very much gf. If I would have backed off completely, she would have been gone forever.

 

Play it smart and get through to his heart, by having things make sense to him, through this head.

 

Read my posts and you will better understand. I can't articulate my thoughts well tonight. I have a bad cold. Where is my gf? Well, she was dying to see me tonight, but I decided against it. Yup. I would have killed to have any chance of spending a Friday night with her, a few weeks ago, but tonight I flying solo and the last thing on her mind before she falls asleep, will be me.

 

Goodnight and good luck,

 

Peace

[Mythical_Suicide]

My whole point was.. If he is so stubborn why waste ur time if he has already made his mind up he doesn't want a relationship?

Who says that if you guys do get back together it's not going to be for the wrong reasons and he's not going to have a sudden change of mind and go back to not wanting a relationship. In that situation u are just putting urself out to be hurt and in the end if he doesnt want a relationship you are giving up time you could be out finding someone that isn't so stubborn.

But just go with whatever you feel you need to do and if you guys do get back together then great and I wish you the best of luck.

 

And danimal, She asked for opinions and that's my opinion so whatever dont like it you don't have to listen to it..

[Emmylu]

When a stubborn person encounters another one who's stubborn, he just gets stubborner. In your post, you sounded kind of stubborn, being so opinionated about what he feels and thinks.

 

Anyway, here's something funny, but probably not all that useful. When a mule-handler wants the mule to go forward, he pushed him back and the mule goes forward.

 

Oh, I don't mean to say your ex-bf is like a mule. The tidbit just kind of came to mind - that's all.

[pip]

Emmylu that's an interesting point you make. I guess I hadn't realised that I too am being a bit stubborn and opinionated.

 

And I think Mythical_Suicide has a point. I don't want to get back together, only for this to happen all over again. You're right, I don't want to get hurt even more.

[AF Model]

Hey pip,

 

I'm going through the same exact thing...and my ex has a mirror image of your ex's thought pattern. I know she still has to care for me and still finds me very attractive but it seems that the more she want she thinks these things the more repulsed she gets. I wish I knew why she would think like this...by all means read some of my prior post about my relationship.

 

This girl was the "one" i'm pretty sure and after lots of we are going to be together for ever talk she suddenly dropped me out of nowhere. Now she is saying the same thing your ex is, but i think she has a roommate and a couple of friends that are giving her bad information about me. (They'll run into me and then they skew the information to sound bad) God I want her back more then anything this world can offer me, but I know I shouldn't have to feel like I need to justifty lies coming from her friends but I can't help but think she's taking it as fact.

[LostinVan]

Pip... meet a (former) very stubborn person. You said:

 

Once he makes up his mind, it's hard for anyone or anything to change it. He'll even ignore his own feelings if they contradict what he's already decided in his head.

 

Well, you pretty much described me at my worst moments. In my most heated arguments with my ex, I'd sometimes realise in my head that

 

a) I was wrong

b) what we were arguing was pointless

c) what we were arguing was foolish and just plain stupid

 

But I'd still argue away.

 

Why? Well, in a word, pride. Foolish pride.

 

I've discovered since then that there's good pride and bad pride. I've gotten rid of most of the bad stuff, or at least I hope I have. And that's the key... it's pride. I can't give you any quick fixes as to how to get your ex to see the light... he has to want to, like I did. It took a breakup of a 12 year relationship for me to see the light.

 

If you have specific questions about what may be going on in his brain, ask away. I can't guarantee answers or to say what he's thinking, but I can give you one perspective.

 

LostinVan

[Out to sea]

Hi Pip, my ex as yours is, was the most stubborn person I've ever met. Once she got an idea in her head, no matter what I'd say, nothing would change it.

 

She broke up with me cause, she had made a decision that ' we just weren't meant to be' now i know it's crap and I spent weeks banging my head off a stone wall trying to show her the light of day, but to no avail. I know she misses me for a fact, but no way in hell she'd back down on her decision. She hasn't made contact at all in weeks and probably won't either. And you know what, let her off, if she is so stubborn about this then she will always be stubborn and I would always be getting the bad end of it, so sod that.

 

I don't want to tell you what to do Pip, but I would have a long hard look at this guy first and ask yourself if you want to put up with it, cause I've come to realise that I really don't need that type of person. But if you do then all I'll say is stop pushing him cause that will only make him even more stubborn. Leave him at it for awhile, let him see the light of day for himself.

[AF Model]

My biggest problem is that I can't see her for who she and how she treats me now. She became the most important person and thing in my life, she became my life. That's all I can see her for is the person I loved beyond belief.

 

If any other person said, did, or treated me the way she has they'd either get a foot up their wahoo or completely remove them from my life. I realize what and how I should react to her now, but it's so difficult when the only one you really love and trust turns their back on you.

 

It feels like your parents turning their back on you and telling you that you aren't worth it.

[luxe_13]

Pip,

My ex is the same. He mad up his mind that we "weren't compatable anymore" so that's that. Things got a bit tough so he went running.

It's been 6 months since or breakup. And I know he still loves me (that's what my heart says).. I have seen him only a couple of times in this period. Both times he has been very happy to see me..

 

Still.. I know he won't call…

 

Now I think to myself…do I spend the rest of my life wondering how he really feels…? Or until he gets oPip,

My ex is the same. He mad up his mind that we "weren't compatable anymore" so that's that. Things got a bit tough so he went running.

It's been 6 months since or breakup. And I know he still loves me (that's what my heart says).. I have seen him only a couple of times in this period. Both times he has been very happy to see me..

 

Still.. I know he won't call…

 

Now I think to myself…do I spend the rest of my life wondering how he really feels…? Or until he gets over his stubbornness?

 

I am currently trying to build up the courage to call him (don't know what I'm going to say!)

 

I think you should do whatever you feel is right. I say listen to your heart. But be prepared for any rejection. Cause you can't always depend on your instincts

 

 

 

 

ver his stubbornness?

 

I am currently trying to build up the courage to call him (don't know what I'm going to say!)

 

I think you should do whatever you feel is right. I say listen to your heart. But be prepared for any rejection. Cause you can't always depend on your instincts

[luxe_13]

Sorry that last post is all messed up. Here it is again:

 

Pip,

My ex is the same. He mad up his mind that we "weren't compatable anymore" so that's that. Things got a bit tough so he went running.

It's been 6 months since or breakup. And I know he still loves me (that's what my heart says).. I have seen him only a couple of times in this period. Both times he has been very happy to see me..

 

Still.. I know he won't call…

 

Now I think to myself…do I spend the rest of my life wondering how he really feels…? Or until he gets over his stubbornness?

 

I am currently trying to build up the courage to call him (don't know what I'm going to say!)

 

I think you should do whatever you feel is right. I say listen to your heart. But be prepared for any rejection. Cause you can't always depend on your instincts

[pip]

Wow, you guys have mentioned a lot of stuff that makes sense.

 

LostinVan, I agree that pride is a huge factor, particularly for males. Sure women feel it too, but I think guys are less inclined to come crawling back because it might make them look 'weak', or they might hate to admit that they were wrong in deciding to break up.

 

And once they get in a defensive, stubborn mode they hate any challenges from you, or any kind of argument. No matter what you say, they're automatically programmed to fight you.

 

I suppose it really says a lot about the other person – perhaps someone who *is* so stubborn and full of pride isn't the right person for me. I guess I do deserve to be with a man who is mature enough to change his mind when it's right, rather than stubbornly refusing to back down because of his pride (or what his friends might think of him). Hell, if I'm going to be open and honest with my partner, the least I deserve is someone who'll show me the same respect (I am woman, hear me roar…heh!).