friend is a mbr of a "cult" type group

[sandrawg]

I'm concerned about a friend of mine who's become a member of a group that appears to be a cult. I've done some research into this group, and found a lot of information that it came out of the "lifespring" and the "forum" movements, which were dangerous cults that bilked members out of lots of money and contributed to many people's family relationships and friendships being ruined.

 

It started with one "personal growth" class...then they convinced her to sign up for a "relationship" class the following weekend..next thing I know, she is taking time off work to go to MORE classes...probably spending nearly a grand for a 5-day seminar...now it's mushroomed into a THREE-MONTH program. She works with me, and I'm concerned all this time she's taking off work to do this 'program' is going to result in her getting canned.

 

Also, if you look at her Facebook, all her new friends are people in the program. I have trouble even having a normal convo w/her now, because she's always trying to recruit me. She says she's so happy and fulfilled but can't to save her life tell me one single thing she's learned, other than how to write out a check to these charlatans.

 

Does anyone have any experience with this? I don't know what to do other than bite my tongue and try to be there for her when she eventually wisens up.

[waveseer]

If she has a bunch of friends like you that all agree (and maybe family too) you could stage an intervention.

[caro33]

I wonder if there is anything you can do at all. If this is in fact run like a cult then they will already have taught her that people who criticise are jealous or trying to cut you down, that people who criticise should be cut off.

 

Also, do people really hold interventions? I have only ever seen this on US television. Does this work? I would think that the person has to want to hear it for it to take, otherwise it seems like bullying by a gang of friends and family.

[Mutley]

Are there any cult rescue type organizations that can be of help?

[hers]

Are you sure it's a cult and not just a bunch of classes? I ask b/c I'm in a 12-step program and people always quickly jump into the "you're in a cult" conclusion when it's not that at all (and no, that's not me brainwashed).

[Mutley]

Are you sure it's a cult and not just a bunch of classes? I ask b/c I'm in a 12-step program and people always quickly jump into the "you're in a cult" conclusion when it's not that at all (and no, that's not me brainwashed).

 

From what I can tell, this doesn't sound like a 12 step group.

 

ps people are dolts who think 12 step groups are cults. Even the book AA Cult or Cure? Concluded AA was not a cult.

[waveseer]

I wonder if there is anything you can do at all. If this is in fact run like a cult then they will already have taught her that people who criticise are jealous or trying to cut you down, that people who criticise should be cut off.

 

Also, do people really hold interventions? I have only ever seen this on US television. Does this work? I would think that the person has to want to hear it for it to take, otherwise it seems like bullying by a gang of friends and family.

 

Interventions can work depending on the tactics used. Typically the best results are obtained when each person tells how they are feeling about the changes in their relationship with the intervenee. When there is a lot of love expressed it can be very touching and affect everyone present very deeply.

[sandrawg]

Oh no, this is not AA or 12-step kind of stuff. It's in the same league as Kabbalah Center, Scientology, etc., but with more of a "personal growth/psychology" kind of bent. You know, one of those groups where the classes run til 2am, you're not allowed to go to the bathroom, you spill all your deep dark secrets so they can use them against you later, etc.

 

I did a lot of research into this stuff cuz my sister was in a cult for many years.

 

Are you sure it's a cult and not just a bunch of classes? I ask b/c I'm in a 12-step program and people always quickly jump into the "you're in a cult" conclusion when it's not that at all (and no, that's not me brainwashed).

[hers]

From what I can tell, this doesn't sound like a 12 step group.

 

ps people are dolts who think 12 step groups are cults. Even the book AA Cult or Cure? Concluded AA was not a cult.

 

Yes but if you type "AA Cult" into google, you'll get all sorts of hits confirming that it is.

 

I ask, though, just b/c anyone can type out what they think to get the answer they're looking for--"is my friend in a cult" and "here are my reasons why" instead of "this is the organization, is anyone familiar with it, these are the sources I found of it"--if one writes it in the way that woudl support the conclusion one's guessing, then yeah, people will agree (not saying the OP intended this--just something I notice on the board as a whole--"is my boyfriend cheating? Here are my reasons why", for instance).

[hers]

Oh no, this is not AA or 12-step kind of stuff. It's in the same league as Kabbalah Center, Scientology, etc., but with more of a "personal growth/psychology" kind of bent. You know, one of those groups where the classes run til 2am, you're not allowed to go to the bathroom, you spill all your deep dark secrets so they can use them against you later, etc.

 

I did a lot of research into this stuff cuz my sister was in a cult for many years.

 

Hm, if you are familiar with cults, then, do you think she's headed on the same path your sister was? Is there any way you can confide in your sister to see what she thinks?

[sandrawg]

Yeah, at least one of my fellow co-workers that I know about has expressed concern as well. We tried in the beginning to talk to her, and also I sent her some links from the web, but she dismissed them all as "disgruntled former members who didn't apply the principles they learned", etc.

 

If she has a bunch of friends like you that all agree (and maybe family too) you could stage an intervention.

[hers]

Yeah, at least one of my fellow co-workers that I know about has expressed concern as well. We tried in the beginning to talk to her, and also I sent her some links from the web, but she dismissed them all as "disgruntled former members who didn't apply the principles they learned", etc.

 

ha, yeah, get that checked o ut...some people who have been in Al-Anon but didn't stick with it hold it in disdain for some reason, and I'm shamed to admit that i've said the same thing about them

[Seymore]

I can completely relate. I had a friend, who at the time had been my best friend for 18 years. We got to college and he was approached by a guy named Joshua, who was the head of a bible study group. After about a month, he stopped hanging around me and his other friends that he'd known for years, even dumped his girlfriend. The only people I ever saw him hanging around with were the people from his group.

 

I met with him to try to talk to him about it, and he wasn't hearing me until I would go to one of his group meetings. So I did. They seemed like normal people, but they were extremely "cliquish". There was something unnerving about the whole thing, and when I found out that Joshua had been in prison, I began to wonder. They were all friendly to me, but once I didn't go back, they acted like they didn't know me. Joshua followed me around the hallways asking how often I prayed. I said every day and that I went to church on Sundays. That wasn't enough for him and he really pushed me to join his group, like I wasn't a good person unless I did it his way.

 

I saw a change in my friend that completely wasn't him. Here was mister skirt-chaser telling me that God would be my girlfriend, and how he gives half of his money to the group when his own mother was losing her home because she couldn't pay the bills. He had the mindframe of "If you're not with us, you're against us", which is definitely not the message a bible study group should preach. I even e-mailed the school explaining my concern, and they didn't do anything, saying they never heard of this Joshua person.

 

Every so often I would see my friend's old friends, and they were just as puzzled as me. We weren't bad influences on him in any way, so we couldn't understand what would provoke him to just shut us out. His own mother said that he was acting strange.

 

So I didn't see my friend for 5 years. After that time, he called me asking to stand for him at his wedding. It turned out he met his wife in the group, and when Joshua found out they were dating, he kicked both of them out.

 

It's tough losing a friend to a group like that, but if you think it's dangerous, I would alert someone who has SOME sort of power to investigate.

[Mutley]

Yes but if you type "AA Cult" into google, you'll get all sorts of hits confirming that it is.

 

"Confirming????" By what criteria?

 

People claim all sorts of stupid stuff.

[waveseer]

I do have one question. Why would this cult want her to get fired if that's their income source? Do they have other plans for her besides spending her money?

[caro33]

These "training" groups are reasonable prevalent aren't they? Preying on people who feel the need to "unlock their potential", "break through the barriers" etc. I have a friend who has her wits about her and gets a great deal of value out of the occasional seminar she attends with Landmark (with the usual late nights, no going home, no talking to others). Her boyfriend is my best mate and one of the most switched on people I know, and he and I can't fathom it. But she gets value out of it.

 

Anyway, I reckon there is not much you can do, OP. People give up their families for this stuff - I would not think that concerned work colleagues will hold much sway.

 

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[JenniferSNJ]

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I found this article really interesting. Maybe it will help?

[velvette]

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check this out! and send it to her.

[sandrawg]

Thanks for the links you guys! My co-worker who's also concerned said that now she is going around, setting up "one on one" meetigns with all her friends who are not in the group. I'm assuming this is a recruiting tactic. This is really sad.

[CluelessGuy321]

I don't know why, but some people are attracted like moths to a flame when it comes to some of these cults.

 

Heaven's Gate comes to mind.

 

Some people just had the mindset to get into these things and lose touch with reality. I don't know what this stuff is she got into, but her brain is just susceptible to them I guess.