Knead2Know Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 There are some things in a relationship that you make sacrifices for and that particularly applies when you know that you are going to hurt your partner. Some times you have to just suck it up and love what you are given because of who gave it to you. I completely agree on the sacrifice portion of your statement, I don't know if we interpret what levels of sacrifice are required as the same though.. I admit, I don't just suck some things up niether does my husband, we are both pretty vocal about what we like and don't...leaves us to resent each other over more important issues..lol! Link to comment
NatNat Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 You don't have the luxury of being politically correct in a marriage, if you are not honest about even the basic things it will impede your happiness...it's nice to have romantic notions about things, but much better to be grounded in reality and express your true feeling about things, gifts included... TOTALLY AGREE!! Why should I have to act like I like it when I just dont care for the band? I love the dimond...who doesnt? But I would of liked a thicker band. I am a straight forward person...I dont beat around the bush I dont lie about liking something when I dont. I am straight forward and I think thats important in a relationship to be honest....INCLUDING GIFTS....Expecually when you are going to wear the ring the REST of your life...I think its important to like it...Im happy with the dimond just not the band..... Link to comment
DN Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Honesty is a good policy - but so is tact, sacrifice and the desire not to hurt. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Buy yourself a huge flashy ring to wear on your other hand. Emphasis on yoyrself. Link to comment
DN Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Your fiance has already indicated that he is hurt and upset by your reaction - is it worth continuing that by insisting on your right to wear something that you like? Link to comment
Knead2Know Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Honesty is a good policy - but so is tact, sacrifice and the desire not to hurt. Good point, tact is the key, but what you say here is about intention more than anything, and about HOW you communicate. Another example would be the classic question " Do I look fat in this or does this look good" My husband would respond yes if I did or no it doesn't look good, he doesn't even hold back in any way...sure that stings and hurts a bit, but I sure do go and change and I'm more grateful he didn't let me leave the house not looking my best.... Link to comment
DN Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 There are some things that just should not be said - and IMO "I don't like the engagement ring you bought for me" is one of them. Must be an age thing. But too often "being honest" is a euphemism for "I am going to hurt you to get my own way". Link to comment
hers Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I wonder if it's an age thing too. When I was 18 and "engaged", I didn't like my ring and bought a different one without even telling my "fiance" (quotes b/c it was all just playing house and trying to grow up too fast). Now at 26, nearly 27, I'd be happy just to be in love and spend my life with someone. My friends aroudn my age and my older friends feel the same way. But I see so many people younger than I am ptting a lot of emphasis on the ring and wedding themselves instead of the act of marriage. What a wonderful problem to have, really. He's not beating you, he loves you, he wants to be with you. Just be grateful. Link to comment
Knead2Know Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 There are some things that just should not be said - and IMO "I don't like the engagement ring you bought for me" is one of them. Must be an age thing. But too often "being honest" is a euphemism for "I am going to hurt you to get my own way". I don't think it's an age thing, it's an interpretation thing..but what you bring up is an ongoing conversation I have with my closest friend...and that is when you tell the truth who are you really relieving, yourself or the other party, she uses this in reference to cheating, she states that is telling someone you cheated worth the hurt created by telling the truth, she says it relieves your own guilt but hurts the other party so bad, is it worth it?? We have yet to decide what is best, we still discuss it, but I still live my life with one premise, honesty is the best policy, and the truth hurts....that's where I believe you need to suck it up, one needs to be able to handle the results of being honest, that's a resilience I think is a big requirement for marriage. This thread has pushed my buttons, LOL...I'm calling my hubby and telling him I love my ring and him Link to comment
Hope75 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 But too often "being honest" is a euphemism for "I am going to hurt you to get my own way". Agree with this. The ring is a symbol chosen by your fiance that indicates his love and commitment to you and his desire to marry you. What is more important, the relationship, partner and commitment, or a piece of jewelry that you show off to your friends? Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 TOTALLY AGREE!! Why should I have to act like I like it when I just dont care for the band? I love the dimond...who doesnt? But I would of liked a thicker band. I am a straight forward person...I dont beat around the bush I dont lie about liking something when I dont. I am straight forward and I think thats important in a relationship to be honest....INCLUDING GIFTS....Expecually when you are going to wear the ring the REST of your life...I think its important to like it...Im happy with the dimond just not the band..... It's okay to want to modify it a bit. I personally was commenting on your statement of comparing it to other girls and having your ring "blown out of the water." That doesn't point to you just not liking it, but rather wanting the biggest and the best just because it's better than those around you. Link to comment
hers Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 It's okay to want to modify it a bit. I personally was commenting on your statement of comparing it to other girls and having your ring "blown out of the water." That doesn't point to you just not liking it, but rather wanting the biggest and the best just because it's better than those around you. I agree. I can understand wanting to get it fixed if it's broken and of course wanting something you like, but I feel like your "argument" lost a little credibility whenever you said that about your friends' rings. I think that pushed a lot of people away from supporting you, but otherwise people can udnerstand where you're coming from. Link to comment
Qut81 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 He spent a lot of money on a defective ring, which he cant get back bc they went out of biz. If I were him I would be the one who is upset. Link to comment
hers Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Ok I don't understand the fighting. NatNat, Knead2Know has pretty much been the only one on your side about this. She wasn't being rude. She just meant she's grateful for what she's had and wanted to love her husband. I know you've had bad experience wiht other forums but don't be so quick to assume that everyone on this one is rude and out to attack you. Link to comment
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