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I Just Want To Apologize.


All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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There were some people around here that seemed very put off by my sudden outlook on my ex, going from being very angry at him and hating his existence, to now being okay with him. I guess you could say that I was putting up a front, to protect myself emotionally. "Fake it till you make it" was the quote I was living by, and heck, I still do. Somewhat.

 

I don't know exactly what I want. I don't know if I want him as a friend or a lover again. People have been hinting and proding me, trying to get me to say the magic words, "I want him back."- But again, my pride and my fears have left me to become silent against everyone.

 

So I just want to get this off my chest. I used to be in that anger/hate phase in the break up, but now I don't feel anything bad anymore. I'm glad I atleast have my friend back. I broke NC last night upon our good mutual friend's suggestion, and I texted him. We had a great text conversation, I ended it on my own, and we said our good nights.

 

I already know about NC, but now I'm figuring out what I should/shouldn't do during LC, lol.

 

So again, I'm sorry for my psychotic mood swings. Thanks for reading.

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Vert,

You don't have to apologize here. It's what you are feeling....

 

Thank you for the response KG. You see, I've been putting up threads asking for advice and people there would flame me just because of what I've said in the past when I was emotionally, well, a mess.

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Vert,

News flash...we're all a mess, or we wouldn't be here. Do what you want to do.

 

Agreed. Something brought all of us here. There is no need to apologize for mood swings. When you're a mess, it's always good to talk it through with somebody else, and that's what we're here for. It could be a question, venting, whatever.

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I am just so confused! This is my first relationship. I'm a "late bloomer" in the romantic department against all the other kids in my junior high/high school days. I was 16 nearing 17 when I met my ex, I was a virgin, I was in a dark place in my life... I suffered from severe depression, to which I am taking Prozac now after the break up happened, and I have felt so much better.

 

My ex's friends kept bringing him up, I told them to shut up. One of them kept making me feel bad for him, to which it didn't worked, because my ex is on his own. He was following me in school... that was my breaking point, so I broke NC to atleast be on friendly terms with him. He was friendly back. I can't help but feel like he was buttering me up somehow, planning something behind my back... reconile? I don't know the answer to that. I see him as an old friend, a human being if you will, not anymore "the ex". I'm scared that he still sees me as "the ex" though...

 

I don't know anymore. I'm between a rock and a hard place now.

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It always saddens me when i see people on here as young as you so totally distraught and devastated by a relationship breakdown. I'm a big believer in living your teens as a teen and not trying to get too caught up in relationships. You will never have your teens again and it should be such a wonderful period of self discovery rather than a rollercoaster head fuc* of emotional problems caused by relationships.

 

Be kind to yourself and remember that you have so many good years ahead of you. Enjoy your youth.

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I already know about NC, but now I'm figuring out what I should/shouldn't do during LC, lol.

 

This makes perfect sense to me too, since I'm in the same boat! Hang in there, and take care of your self. It's quite a journey, this life.

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It always saddens me when i see people on here as young as you so totally distraught and devastated by a relationship breakdown. I'm a big believer in living your teens as a teen and not trying to get too caught up in relationships. You will never have your teens again and it should be such a wonderful period of self discovery rather than a rollercoaster head fuc* of emotional problems caused by relationships.

 

Be kind to yourself and remember that you have so many good years ahead of you. Enjoy your youth.

 

I didn't get my first broken heart until when I was 25...funny though I wish I started having it earlier so that I can learn my lessons early on. I broke my high school sweetheart's heart and several other innocent guys' hearts, so oftentimes I wonder if all my headaches later on (I've been always the dumpee for the most recent 4 years with 3 relationships in total) are just the revenge from what I did when I was young and ignorant. I once torn up and made fun of the love letter from a guy in college in front all of my friends - surely that's ruthless to the poor guy.

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