v123 Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Hi everyone, My birthdays coming up and my boyfriend and i rarely go out with my friends or his friends, it is always just us two. For my birthday i was planning to go out clubbing with my friends and my boyfriend was cool with the plans too. I obviously want him to be there too. However, he recently changed his mind and said how he doesnt want to come to my birthday because he doesnt want to meet new people or meet my friends. He also doesnt want to take pictures with me. It makes me feel really insecure. And i never ask him to come out with my friends, but i thought my birthday he could make an exception. Am i being selfish, because i want him to put his feelings to the side and come out for my birthday and celebrate. Or is he being selfish because he doesnt want to think about how hurt i am with his decision not to come celebrate. Link to comment
pinkrobot Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 IMO, he's the one being selfish. My boyfriend has never had a problem going to social gatherings with me (especially ones centered around me), even if he'd rather do something else or he doesn't feel like going out. But that's also because I've done the same for him in the past. If I were in your shoes I'd be upset as well. Link to comment
v123 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 im going to be happy if he comes, but if he comes he'll be forced..and he says he doesnt want to take pictures with me at all..there is no win win situation Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Wow, I'd be put off. Has he ever met your friends? To me, I'd have a problem with it, majorly. Friends are a part of life, a part of YOUR life, and since he's part of yours, he should make the effort to atleast spend YOUR BIRTHDAY with you, and your friends. Its one night. At this point, I'd say forget it. I'd be going out with my friends, and having a good time and forgetting about him. He's the one being very selfish, and very unreasonable. Link to comment
v123 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 so im not being out of line by being very upset..i've been crying and feeling sad..when i talk to him it feels as though im the one thats wrong Link to comment
pinkrobot Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 so im not being out of line by being very upset..i've been crying and feeling sad..when i talk to him it feels as though im the one thats wrong No. I'd especially be bothered that he didn't want to meet my friends. His refusal to do so is making it so that he's not FULLY a part of your life, which isn't good for the growth of your relationship. I agree, his going now would be forced instead of genuine, and therefore wouldn't mean anything to you. But you need to talk with him so he at least understands in the future that his presence at things like this are a big deal to you. Link to comment
v123 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 we have been together for 2 years now Link to comment
v123 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 he talks to my bestfriend online all the time and even on the phone couple times and they get along fine..also i did ask my boyfriend why he was okay with the plan originally and then he changed his mind so soon to the date, he said that he was going to call me the day of my birthday and say something happened...which really made me upset tht he was going to ditch last minute Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Does he have self image issues? That's one of the few reasons I can think of for his behavior aside from him just being very closed minded/selfish. If he doesn't have self image issues, how is he in other parts of the relationship? Is he giving? I also think slowly you guys should begin inviting friends to hang out or do things since it's very easy to get stuck in a rut and just be in your own worlds (happens to me and my bf sometimes). Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 we have been together for 2 years now then i say it's weird on his part. Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Dude, who wants to date someone who can't hang out with your friends and have fun? Would you be happy if you were 40, married, and had no friends and no one except each other? Probably not. I think he's being selfish. Link to comment
v123 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 maybe he is..but he has no reason to be it just feels like he is being stubborn Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 maybe he is..but he has no reason to be it just feels like he is being stubborn Yea I think so too. If that is the case, I hate to say it but.. I think it's just plain unhealthy when one person in the relationship does not seem to care about their partners need. It spells Doom to me. Or unhappiness. Link to comment
v123 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 update on the situation: he has called me and says he wants to come and he apologized for all the drama he caused and was sincere, and i was still a lil upset and i asked him if he is going to take pictures with me and he hung up the phone and got mad at me because i asked him to do something he does not like doing...:s Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Why does he refuse to take pics? Is he always that way? Link to comment
pinkrobot Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 update on the situation: he has called me and says he wants to come and he apologized for all the drama he caused and was sincere, and i was still a lil upset and i asked him if he is going to take pictures with me and he hung up the phone and got mad at me because i asked him to do something he does not like doing...:s Wow, a little bipolar? Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 update on the situation: he has called me and says he wants to come and he apologized for all the drama he caused and was sincere, and i was still a lil upset and i asked him if he is going to take pictures with me and he hung up the phone and got mad at me because i asked him to do something he does not like doing...:s He's completely immature and throwing a temper tantrum. Run for your life! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 lol, i was kidding. his behavior is very childish. Link to comment
karvala Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 update on the situation: he has called me and says he wants to come and he apologized for all the drama he caused and was sincere, and i was still a lil upset and i asked him if he is going to take pictures with me and he hung up the phone and got mad at me because i asked him to do something he does not like doing... I'm confused; when you say take pictures with you, what exactly do you mean? That he'll be taking pictures of you and your friends while you're all out clubbing? If so, what does he say is his problem with that? Link to comment
v123 Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 i mean he doesnt want to take pictures with me..as in me and him in a picture. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 i mean he doesnt want to take pictures with me..as in me and him in a picture. wth, even more weird. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Talk about childish and immature behavior, wow. Quite frankly, I wouldn't want him at a birthday regardless, after hearing this! Link to comment
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