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Tell them you don't see a second date happening, or just disappear?


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  • 2 weeks later...

If I'm not interested in someone, I normally say something like "it was nice to meet you," at the end of the date. Certainly no kiss, instead a handshake or quick hug. It may be because of the cliche, but I find it really hard not to say "I'll call you." But if I'm not interested, I don't.


The last time I had to do this was about nine months ago (he says with an "attached" smile). We had a good time together, but something just wasn't there for me. I sent her an email, similar to the following. I left some things in that may seem out of context, but you can get the gist. She emailed back and thanked me profusely for letting her know and for the kind words. I'm very happy that I sent it.




Hi X,


I really enjoyed meeting and talking with you last week. I’ve been meaning to call or write you for the past few days, but I haven’t known quite what to say, or how to say it.


You have so many of the qualities in a person that I’m looking for. I have thoroughly enjoyed our phone calls, emails and conversation. You really do have your “stuff” together. You are a bright, warm and caring person. You are very attractive. You have beautiful eyes, great hair, a wonderful smile. I loved your voice and your laugh. And yes, you have a great body. I just didn’t feel a spark. And, for of all the reasons listed and more, I cannot understand why. Believe me; I’ve thought about it a lot. Attraction can be so inexplicable.


Maybe after you move, we could remain friends. If that is something you would be interested in, we can certainly stay in contact. Either way, I wish you all the happiness that life can bring.


Take care,

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I prefer not to hear anything further if the guy doesn't want to see me again. I've had both.. and the ones who send the "sorry not that into you" email sting way more than the ones who say nothing at all.. the result is the same in both cases... but I feel I remember the upfront rejection way more than the disappearing act.


I guess the disappearing act makes me sit and wonder.. but even if they tell me they don't like me, I sit and wonder what happened if I liked him.


That said, if the girl contacts you persistently or suggests another date, then you will need to be honest.



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It's very well written, but I would still be really crushed by it.. it somehow hurts me way more to have the fact that someone doesn't feel a spark with me put into concrete words.. That is just me though and I'm sure other women might like it.


Also, is it perhaps a bit presumptuous to say I didn't feel a spark and explain it etc... I mean she may not have either? I think it's best to leave things unsaid, unless the other person pushes it.



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