Is there hope? He says he still loves me...help!!

[arsenic_n_lace]

So my boyfriend of three years broke up with me, I posted a thread about this about a month ago...

 

Anyhow, I had doing really well it had been a month and a half of NC and then out of the blue he sends me a text message and we end up texting all of that day pretty much, he said he was sorry and that he wished things had worked out differently, he said he still wanted to be with me. So I decide that we should see each other and talk about all of this.

 

So he comes over that night and we talk for three and a half hours. He tells me how he's missed me so much and that he's tried everything he can to stop thinking about me but that nothing works, he says i'm "the one" and that i'm perfect and that he loves me just as much as before and we kind of cuddle for a while and it feels right, it feels really good. So i tell him that i'll give him another chance. Finally things are going my way right?...wrong!

 

The next day he sends me a message saying that he has this weird feeling in his stomach and that he wants to figure out what that is before we go forward so he tells me he's going to need a couple days, he said that he still meant everything he said to me before but that he just wants some time to think about it all because he wants absolutely no doubts.

 

So two days later i get this message from him “I don’t want to confuse you anymore and because of my doubt and not knowing what I want I think it might be best to just leave things the way they are. I never meant for this to happen and I’m very sorry for hurting you all over again, you deserve someone better than me.”

 

So obviously i was very upset and i called him to talk about it because I was thinking obviously there has to be something wrong with me right? So he basically said that he still loves me and he does still want to be with me but that for right now he wants his freedom, he wants to be able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. So i automatically figure that this has something to do with girls, i figure he just wants this time to date other people and he assured me that girls had nothing to do with it and he didn't want to be with anyone. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship right now and he just needed some time to be alone since he hasn't been on his own in a very long time (since he was 14 i think) He did say that when he was ready for a relationship that he would like it to be with me, but he also said that he doesn't want me to wait around for him because he has no idea how long he may need.

 

So i'm just wondering if you think there's any hope. He contacted me after only being broken up for two months and he thought he might be ready then, evidently he wasn't but does that mean that he might only need a few more months of freedom? I know he knows that i'm a great girl and he said that having to walk away from me is the hardest thing but he feels that it's what's right for the time being. Also, at this point we're not talking.

 

So please help!!

[pinkrobot]

There could be hope, but there also might not be. I don't recall reading your first post, what were the reasons for splitting up in the first place?

 

A couple years back I was engaged to a guy I'd been with for almost 4 years. For the last year or so of the relationship, I'd gone back and forth between whether or not I wanted to be with him. Now, keep in mind that in all honesty, I felt I did still love him. And that's why I stalled on ending things for so long, was that I thought to myself, "I love him, so why would I want to end it?" But truly, loving someone doesn't mean you should be with them. It's unfortunate, but sometimes simply loving someone isn't enough. So even though he says he still loves you, and it's probably true, he's probably facing that reality of realizing that's not enough to make the ideal relationship you'd both hope for.

[annie24]

hun, do you really want to be with a man who is as wishy-washy as this??? sounds like this guy has a permanent case of GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). when he's single he wants you. when he has you, he wants to be single.

 

i don't know if there is hope here. maybe if you go like 6 months without contact, let him sow his wild oats, have half a dozen one-night stands and such, maybe then he will be ready to settle down with you. but it seems like distance and time are on your side.

[arsenic_n_lace]

The reason we broke up in the first place was because i had been really moody lately and i guess it just started to get to him and maybe he felt like that was a good excuse to get out?? I don't know...

 

I hope we end up together and i know it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants but he does know because he said he wants me he just needs some time. It's kind of up to me though isn't it? Because i can choose to wait or i can choose to move on.

 

Does anyone watch Grey's Anatomy? Well i used the Meredith line "pick me, choose me, love me" in an email i sent him. I said "I know that having your freedom and being able to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it is really great but i also know that i'm really great too so pick me, choose me, love me."

[riotgenius]

Hmmm, it seems like he does love you and you clearly love him. What he DOESN'T want is to go back to the way it was before. If you can change some of that from your perspective (give him lots of room, try and be less moody) and ask him to change some things too you might be o.k.

 

But somehow it all seems very unreasonable of him. And WHY should you change? Just being a bit 'moody' is not enough for someone to run for the hills. Also if they mention the word 'freedom' they MIGHT not mean others yet, but they will in time.

 

Sorry to be a bit indecisive but it depends on the detail I think.

[arsenic_n_lace]

Ya this is a tough one...

I believe that he really does want to be with me the big problem is how long does he need? If it was only a few months i'd wait but he has no idea which is very frustrating!

Sometimes i think that maybe he will only need a few more months because he thought he was ready after two and then other times i think he might need closer to a year because he hasn't been alone in so long...

I don't know I guess I just have to try and move on even though i don't want to. I still really love him, he was a great guy and pretty much perfect...except for the fact that he broke up with me and all lol.

[Pixiedoc]

I still really love him, he was a great guy and pretty much perfect...except for the fact that he broke up with me and all lol.

 

THAT is the toughest thing, especially if you didn't see it coming. At the beginning things are always great and it's the breaking up (sometimes for 'good' reasons, sometimes not) that shows us that the person was not really who we thought they were, or who has changed to become someone we don't recognised. And don't like very much.

 

At the end of the day you need to get on with your life right now and not wait for him. You need to make your life good without him - he has been pretty cruel to you to do this and should have thought it through more carefully before meeting you and giving you hope.

 

If you do this, if and when he decides to come back, you may have changed your mind and moved on...take care.