rich_1517 - how to not be taken for granted

[Beec]

How do you win her??? Well you make her feel great. As she said, you know what she likes. What does she like? Take her out, make her have fun, a lot of fun. Two types of dates should occur during the early part of a potential relationship: fun dates; and getting to know you dates. You know her so have fun. If she has fun with you, she will think of you as fun to be around. This is why I liked the idea of salsa dancing.

[spatzcolumbo]

Won thing Beec,

 

If you DO have a raclette....make sure you don't drink cold drinks such as wine / beer with the meal...

 

I think (if my memory serves me) you have to drink fairly strong spirits with the meal...just sipping of course...it helps to digest the meal...drinking Beer / wine only serves to clot the cheese in your stomach, which leads to a VERY restless night, but not for the reasons you WANT to be having a restless night!!!

 

Great food all the same!!

[GeeCee]

This is proving very educational!!

 

G xx

[rich_1517]

im realising that now i am moving more deliberately. this is a good thing.

 

the process of clearing out anger and resentment, hurt and loss are almost complete. the remainder is the knowledge of giving away power and that the only method i have to deal with that. is to be self determined.

 

so todays intention with regards to myself first and her second is to do just that. my actions will be around taking care of the details of my life, to not respond "too" eagerly to invites (we are goind coffee today, museum tomorrow and dancing friday).

 

things will now proceed at their own pace. she enters a week of not having her kid, this will be interesting. i have to stay busy and not imagine what she is doing with her "free" time. it is essential that she knows that i dont care what she does with this time (though i do).

 

reconnecting with friends going bowling, playing golf (yes its warm here). continuing to work out, etc. the next contact after this much contact i will have to determine after fridays date.

 

there is no easy to way to take back what has been freely given, while the chase aspect (of me) can only be implied by the idea of the loss of me, i must reinforce that subtely to let her know she will have to act at some point and taking me for granted would be a "bad" idea. i hate to say but i have to play to her insecurities some to achieve this.

[Beec]

Rich,

 

I am not sure I entirely agree with you, but you are getting the idea.

 

Yes, you need to play her insecurities, but also realize that you need to play different ones at different times. In the beginning, i.e. now, you look for where she is weak and try to pump up those areas. If she worries about how intelligent she is, make her feel smart, etc. Once you have her pumped up, you need to draw her out, if she is prudish make her act less so. First get in and make her feel secure, then make her feel great, special just because of you being there, then make her come out of her shell a bit (even extroverts have some shell).

 

Don't feel too bad about doing this deliberately. This is one of the things that makes love happen. Often, people do part of it naturally. Some, very few, do it all naturally. You are just doing it a little more consciously.