3 years later she breaks NC

[AJEDrew7]

My ex gf just recently broke NC after 3 years not talking. We've talked some and she seems genuinely interested in me again. She wants to know all about my life and what I'm doing. She has a long term bf but says she doesn't see them staying together. Now, she wants to spend time with me this summer. She's told me when she's dated other guys she compares them to me telling them that I'd never do that, you should be more like him etc. etc. She says I was the perfect boyfriend and she has said 'I love you' to me (strictly in a friend sense according to her). Basically, I have no idea what to do with this... do I spend time with her? keep talking? I don't ever think I would want something with her again and I'd be afraid if I were leading her on even if I explain to her its not going to happen.

[waveseer]

Just tell her that you were happier before you were in contact again. She'll get the hint.

[AJEDrew7]

I mean, its not that it makes me unhappy talking to her. Its just that I don't want to waste my time talking as friends when I'll clearly just lead her on. Is there any way to prevent her from having feelings for me again while maintaining a friendship (even after the way she talks to me and about me)

[Up and Down]

I think it depends on what you want. Do you want to be friends with her and friends alone. It can happen with exes especially after some time has passed. If not I am sure some continued absence or a lack of reciprocation on your part will give her the hint.

[waveseer]

I don't think we can control another person's feelings for us. If the possibility of her having feelings for you bothers you then I guess you have your answer. Love yourself first.

[Maverick32x]

I think an obvious thing to bring up is that you and her are not the same person you/her were 3 years ago... there has been a HUGE span of time that has passed....

I'd take that into serious consideration.....as well as her reasons for contacting you...

[gee]

Sounds like NC should be put back into action here. Also, sounds like you want to be friends ONLY and it seems like she ahs a different agenda.

 

She has a long term bf but says she doesn't see them staying together. Now, she wants to spend time with me this summer.

 

^ That is very uncool! She's still holding on to him and checking up on you to see if she can completely jump off from him.

 

Do the wise thing here fella.

 

gee

[jul-els]

I wouldn't maintain contact. She is in a relationship with someone that she keeps comparing to you. That shows she doesn't know what she wants and it would be unsettling to me. Sounds like a lot of drama if you get involved. I would avoid it.

[Up and Down]

You can be upfront with your feelings. She might be OK with that and you might be able to have a good friendship. I have crossed that boundary...took many years though. I am not getting back with my ex, she knows it. She can still be a good friend.

[orangesoda]

Maybe if she were single and strictly platonic, but seriously, if she's got a longterm BF and is now looking to see if the grass WAS greener with you (whether you care for it or not), you gotta think: Is it really worth getting involved in this drama? Because that's basically what's going to happen. You're going to have to deal with being the unwitting third wheel/monkey in the middle of their relationship.

 

I say pass.

[Up and Down]

Maybe if she were single and strictly platonic, but seriously, if she's got a longterm BF and is now looking to see Is it really worth getting involved in this drama?

 

I forgot about the bf, this does complicate things. I wouldn't want to start friction with her and her boy. My ex and I have been broken up for 8-9 years. and we both started talking when we were single. No complications. This isn't your case and could get ugly...

[philove]

What is the story behind your breakup? Who broke up with who?

[1MoreChance]

she has a bf and I think if she was serious about wnating to consider trying to get back together with you she would keep those thoughts to herself ("i compare all the guys I dated to you", etc.)... I mean, when you are really interested in pursuing someone, you don,t tell them those things. but you activelly express a desire to specnd time with them and act interested and make time to date and move forward to see if a relationhisp can be built. Isn't she just stringing you along?

 

she has a bf so i d tell her to not contact me until she is single and able to kow what she wants: to be stricly friends? to date?

[OziJack]

 

She has a long term bf but says she doesn't see them staying together. Now, she wants to spend time with me this summer.

 

 

 

 

You ever hear of "branch swinging" ?

It describes a frequent tactic of women who warm up and TEST a new branch( a man) to swing accross to before she lets go of the old one.

 

Your ex g/f is about to dump her LTR but she has no suitable or available NEW branch to swing over to, so she is planning to try to swing backwards to you. She knows you so she does not have to do the testing.

 

Then the usually SOP is to seduce the new guy(you in this case) or make herself sexually available in an attempt to hook him while she then extracts herself from the first relationship by trumping up some fake drama, or sticking the dumb chump in the friendzone while she "finds herself"...or some such contrived BS.

 

She is coming at ya , dude. And get ready for the temper tantrum of the century when she does not get what she is after.

[pdoog]

Wow that sums up my Ex gf to a tee. Except she has not yet tried to swing on my branch again.