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I feel the need to rant. I've just got so much to deal with right now.


Mustang

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I don't really know where to start with this but let me first try and explain where I'm at.

 

I'm in the final year of my university and due to graduate in a few weeks. As you can imagine, this is bringing me a huge deal of anxiety. I have NO money, a hell of a lot of debt and no job prospects on the horizon. I am hugely passionate about music and jobs in the music industry are so limited.

 

Earlier this year, a tutor marked a project of mine really really harshly which impacted my confidence hugely. I started to question whatI'm doing with my career aspirations and whether or not I'm good enough. This has continued to the point that for my final project I really have no idea what I'm doing. I just feel that nothing is going to come of my three years here and it's hard to remain motivated when you feel all your efforts are going unnoticed and unappreciated.

 

My biggest fear is having no job, no money and my life being on hold. I am 27 now and no longer wish to be poor and unable to support myself. I've explained to my tutors at uni how I'm feeling and they've been very unsupportive or considerate.

 

As well as that, in January of this year, a friend of mine tragically committed suicide which was a huge shock to the system. I am a very sensitive soul and I take things really badly. Just when I started to get over that, I got screwed up hugely by a girl I really liked and when I got over that, I found out that my mum has cancer.

 

I have been told that my mum will be OK with treatment but all the s*** I've been through this year has made me very introvert and withdrawn. I am so very scared to see my mum having chemotherapy and going through what she's going through. I just can't be strong for her. I know that sounds selfish and I really don't mean it to. I am not meaning to be selfish, it's just my way of dealing with things. I always run away.

 

My dad and sister are having huge arguments with me about this because they are telling me that I don't care and I am selfish. I have a very important audition tomorrow that will hopefully lead to a lot of opportunities. This means that I can't go home to visit my mum in hospital until Thursday. Financially, it is just not feasible for me to go home for one day, come back to uni and then go home again. That alone would cost me over £100. Money which I just don't have. As I said, in a month or so I am going to be unemployed with no money to my name and about £25,000 worth of debt plus no real job prospects. Nor do I have the confidence to put myself out there with all that anxiety.

 

Added to all the other stress and pressure I've been under this year, I just don't know how to cope with it all.

 

I've considered putting university on hold for another year to get my head straight whilst my mum recovers but my dad called me lazy for even considering it. He won't listen or understand how anxious I am and how I just can't focus on anything right now. I don't want to graduate with a crap degree mark because of all the stress I'm under. I don't want to look back and regret not taking time out to get my head straight.

 

I just have nobody to speak to about this. I thought my family would hear me out but all they've done today is hurl abuse and accusations at me.

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I am very sorry to hear about you mother and your friend that commited suicide. These are both very hard situations to go through and it doesn't make it any easier haveing to worry about university and money as well.

 

By the way to write I can tell you are passionate about your interests and are deeply concerned for your future and the well being of your mother as well. I think this shows that you are strong, and just because you can't leave for one day and then leave again, doesn't change that. When you are financially constrained there is sometimes very little we can do about that.

 

I am sorry you can't speak with your family about this, are there any other people that you may be able to talk with?

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