I am so not pround of myself.........NEED HELP!

[Girl wants EX]

:sad:

 

I had a crush on a guy I dated for 2 months. He was very sweet, very caring, he cooked for me, he rented movies as per my taste, he brought me to restaurants, he sent me sms messages every 1-2 hours every day. I really fell for him, very fast.

I then became emotionally dependent, clingy... he dumped me.

But we both agreed to maintain friends since then.

 

I maintain friends with him, because I don't want to lose him forever, obviously, and I hope there is still some hope, as I was convinced he doesn't know me enough to decide we can't work it out or not. I believe we could start with friendship, and things might be different one day.

 

After broke up, 2 and half months pass by, most of time it's me initiating contacts, due to loneliness, due to feelings for him.... he also initiated few contacts, I felt he also doesn't want me to disappear from his life completely. He doesn't have anyone else yet.

 

I sometimes feel good about being single, but sometimes feel I need his presence. It's really a roller coaster. Only good memories about him, it's hard to get over him completely.

 

Anyway, so we meet about every 2 weeks, one thing lead to another, we slept together, and we kind of keep a casual relationship after that. I start to increase my hope, since he is always sweet and tries to please me during our meetings.

I feel there is still chemistry between us. For example, when I felt depressed for some issue, he would give a sweet kiss on my cheek, or he would give me a gentle kiss after driving me home. He flirted with me as well. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to go on dates with me. His friends are all engaged and settle down.

 

 

He had an interview for a job in another city. But that company hasn't decided hiring him yet.

By coincidence, I might get a job in that city too, so last time we met, I told him I will move there as it's a bigger city, despite I will get that job or not (I am unemployed for the moment, haven't found anything in the current city). He seemed he wasn't happy about my decision. He kind of tried to convince me to stay. Just how I felt from his words.

 

After that, he refused me twice in the past 2 weeks for a meeting. Last week he said he would call me but he didn't. Now I'm devastated. Again: I can't sleep, I can't smile.

 

I know I should go on NC with him, but since I'm 26, he is 28, I just don't want to completely lose the chance of developping something with him, after all, we were attracted to each other for 2 months, and we are both nice persons and we communicate a lot everytime we meet up.

He isn't someone very outgoing, me neither, what if nothing will come along after this guy? I bet he might think the same way.

 

I am so lost, he is ON and OFF, and I can't help to want to talk to him from time to time.

[annie24]

i think you know what you need to do. go NC, just until you are 100% over him. if he wants to get back with you, he knows where to find you. i would go nc for a few months, focus on healing and getting over him, and maybe one day in the future, when you are over him, you can be friends with him again. if he gets feelings for you again, i'm sure he'll let you know!!!! hang in there, ok?

[HeartGoesOn]

I know it's not easy, but you need to take your self-respect back, and walk away from this.

 

You two are not friends, friends don't sleep together. If there is a chance of getting back together in the future, it's not going to happen if continue to stay in contact and give him free sex, without being in a relationship.

 

Just my opinion...Take care.

[Girl wants EX]

Is it possible that he always rejected me, so I am more attracted by him?

[annie24]

sometimes we want what we cannot have. i'd definitely let this guy go, and focus on healing. trust me, i am in a sort of similar situation right now myself, so i know it hurts. but i think it will be so much better when we can take some time to ourselves and be friends later.

[Girl wants EX]

How long have you done NC?

[atelis]

sounds to me like you both have commitment issues and you have engaged in the classic push-pull, come here go away which characterises two people with abandonment and engulfment fears.

[annie24]

hehe, 2 days now?

[Girl wants EX]

sounds to me like you both have commitment issues and you have engaged in the classic push-pull, come here go away which characterises two people with abandonment and engulfment fears.

 

Why you think I have commitment issue? I want commitment, or I don't know myself enough?

I believe he might have, as he was someone emotionally dependent before with his ex, but he changed with help of therapist.

[Ms Darcy]

Can you see things from his perspective a little bit? You got needy and clingy. He broke up. You stay friends in hopes of getting back. You insist that if only he knew you better, he would want you. Basically, with the friendship and sex, you are trying to convince him to be with you. That never works.

 

Honestly, I doubt he'll ever want you. I'm so sorry to say that because I don't want to sound harsh, but you need to hear it. You let him have friends with benefits. He gets sex and gets to be affectionate without having to be commited. When you told him that you might move to the same city, he was upset because he doesn't want to be with you.

 

You say that he's being on and off. Not at all. He's very clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you - just sex and friendship. It's you that's reading everything into his behavior and hoping for more. You need to let this go and I would strongly suggest therapy honey. This is really unhealthy.

[Girl wants EX]

Actually, it was not the same city, I didn't want to go in too many details. A city a bit closer to where he might move to, but still 4-5 hours driving distance.

Yes, I also feel it was so unhealthy... so I need help. I don't know why I was able to control myself, now I lost the ability.

[Girl wants EX]

I will stick with NC from now on, even he contacts me first, I will at least come to this forum before taking any action.