ihatehim Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Someone please help me. I met a guy about 4 weeks ago in a bar and I all I think about is him. We have hooked up a few times and I have stayed the night with him, once at his office & once at his apartment. I am 23 and he is 41. He is a very outgoing person and also very nice. Or so I thought. He is not my boyfriend and I am not looking for a relationship and he knows this & I don't think he is either. But that doesn't mean we can't talk on the phone when we are not busy or talk on a regular basis, right? I have been calling him and texting him too much. Most of the time, he doesn't return my texts, but he will call me maybe a few hours later after I call him. Usually, he always has excuses as to why he doesn't call me or text me. Usually, that he is sick. My mom told me NOT to call him anymore because she can see right throw him. She says that he is the type of person who has to "buy' peoples affection. He is the type of person who has to supply the fun for his friends. Most of his friends are younger than him, buy 12 years or more. He acts like he is in his 20's too. He has hurt my feelings a couple of times, but I didn't care. I still kept seeing him. The first time he hurt me was when he hung up on me and turned his phone off. I don't even remember why he did it. His excuse was that he was sick. I drove by his office and he was there, but he didn't have to hang up on me. He has also stood me up a few times. I also backed out of meeting him once too, so I let it go. I like him because he is so experienced in the bed and knows how to make me feel good and gets the job done. But i do have concerns. He watches a lot of porn and is always talking about women. We could be watching a tv show and he will say "oh she has a nice a$$" or "I'd like to see her in a thong" or "me and my buddies are going to the bahamas for my b-day...can't wait to see all the nice ladies in their thongs". First of all, that is FINE whatever. What bothers me is that he is saying this stuff out loud and to ME! I don't want to hear that when I am with you. I'm not your girlfriend, but I am someone who is sleeping with you and whe nI am with you, I don't talk about other men and blah, blah, blah! Which brings me to my next concern. I think he has sex a lot & I'm even under the impression that he pays for it. He is a big man. He probably weighs a good 350. Very good looking...Nice face..babyface. But he is big. I seriously doubt that if he goes to the bahamas no nice looking woman in a thong pair of underwear who is nice looking is going to talk to him, unless she is getting paid. I'm not saying that he isn't good looking, but he's a big guy. Another reason why I think he pays for sex and something fishy is going on is because he is always talking about porn and how he wants to find a couple of people to make one and sell it to some big company. Plus he owns so much of it! Two nights ago when I went over to his house, I got there at about 9 pm. I told him I would be there in an hour, but didn't end up showing up till 9 pm..which I was supposed to be there at 8 pm. I wanted to take a bath and get dressed up sexy for him. When I pulled up, two of his friends (whom I've never met and a girl were standing outside waiting to walk into his place). They were carrying in beer. The girl was standing there looking clueless, like she has never met these men before. The two men and her went into his place and i got out of my car to walk in and HE told me that I have to come back later. He has some "business" to take care of....I was very hurt. I went home...waited a few hours and he called me and said "sorry" and told me something, which i knew was a lie and I went back to his house. I stayed the night there and that was the last time I saw him. We went shopping that day for his new apartment and had 100 dollars left. When I woke up the next morning, he asked me for some money for gas. He said he lent his money to his buddy. Yeah right!! I am not stupid.. i'm thinking he bought beer and probably paid that girl to sleep with him and his friends. what an a$$! We've had some good times together too, but he is a very different person. There is so much I could tell you. & yet, I am infatuated with him!? I call him a lot. If it was up to me, I would probably be with him every day! wish I could talk to him now...I don't know what to say? I forgot to mention that my mom told me to "join the crowd"...she said if he wants to flaunt it, then ask him for some money or something. I am not like that. I don't go around asking people for money. She said if he is not going to call you and make it worth your while than you might as well get something out of him. That is not me though. I am not in it for moeny or whatever else he has to offer (nothing). I just like being with him because when we are together he is very sensual and very passionate. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Oh my... You say you don't want a relationship, but you're clearly really upset over this guy. Unless you want to continue to be used, steer clear of this guy. He fools around with you when it is convenient for him. He doesn't respond to your calls and texts (or provides a very delayed response). He makes lame excuses. Ok, what I am going to say next is harsh, but...he doesn't care about you. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. He doesn't. You are probably just another person he plays around with when he has time. This is NOT a reflection on you, but you do need to ask yourself why you're so infatuated with someone who is so NOT concerned about you. The fact that you realize he's a loser but you say that you would probably spend every day with him if you could definitely says a lot about how you regard yourself. Stay away from this guy. He is NOT good for you. He sounds like a sleaze, and I'm guessing that if one of your good friends told you this same story, you'd tell her the same thing -- stay away from him. Another thought: Please stop calling him and texting him. It makes you look desperate, and it will lead to him disrespecting you even more than he already does. Link to comment
ihatehim Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 I never looked at it in that way. I know that i am putting myself down every time I call him, but I do because I am bored or am looking for something that will never be there. I haven't called him but once today, so I am not calling him anymore! What I really want is for him to start calling me and start to worry when he doesn't have his little "sex' friend anymore. Then what's he going to do? haha.... But what sounds even better is to get him back. I don't even really like him, I just want to hurt him and do something to him to make him jealous. I am the type of person who likes a challenge and by me bugging him and talking to him, it's exactly what it is...A CHALLENGE. But, it is self-degrading and I am putting myself down in the process. It's still fun though. Any tips on how to get him back? I like drama and that's exactly what he is! I am done talking to him tho. he can kiss my rear end! Link to comment
sbux_addict Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Yeap, sounds like he's just using you. I agree if you don't want a relationship, then why do you keep calling and texting him? You do seem a bit desperate. Let this guy go - he's definitely no good. Link to comment
sbux_addict Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Are you saying you're calling for drama in your life? Link to comment
CAgirl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 No offense but you said yourself that he weighs 350lbs and you think he pays for sex. How much of a challenge could he be? You are wasting your time. I'd say just chalk it up to experience and move on. It will be so much better for your emotional health. The drama and the chase may seem fun to you at first but what happens if you end up with an STD or even worse a child out of this? You need to take a step back and think long-term how this is going to affect you. What is going to happen in your next real relationship when you have this in your past? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Sounds like your Mom is dead on. Why not listen to her and start respecting yourself? Link to comment
Mysterygirl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Someone please help me. I met a guy about 4 weeks ago in a bar and I all I think about is him. We have hooked up a few times and I have stayed the night with him, once at his office & once at his apartment. I am 23 and he is 41. He is a very outgoing person and also very nice. Or so I thought. He is not my boyfriend and I am not looking for a relationship and he knows this & I don't think he is either. But that doesn't mean we can't talk on the phone when we are not busy or talk on a regular basis, right? Friends with benefits do not talk everyday .. that's what it's all about. You hook up when you want to have fun I have been calling him and texting him too much. Most of the time, he doesn't return my texts, but he will call me maybe a few hours later after I call him. Usually, he always has excuses as to why he doesn't call me or text me. Usually, that he is sick. Stop calling and texting him. Take control of this situation before it completely controls you. If he is interested in you, then he will make the time for you. The more you pester, the more he will push away. He doesn't answer because it's a control thing. Telling you he is sick .. hmm not sure if that's the truth or an excuse - if it's the truth - Eww!! My mom told me NOT to call him anymore because she can see right throw him Your mom is a very smart lady you should listen to her. He has hurt my feelings a couple of times, but I didn't care. I still kept seeing him. What?? You really should care about yourself more than you care about this man. You deserve to be with someone whom adores you and loves it when you call.. and is not sickly!! lol The first time he hurt me was when he hung up on me and turned his phone off. I don't even remember why he did it. His excuse was that he was sick. I drove by his office and he was there, but he didn't have to hang up on me. He has also stood me up a few times. I also backed out of meeting him once too, so I let it go. I like him because he is so experienced in the bed and knows how to make me feel good and gets the job done. But i do have concerns. He watches a lot of porn and is always talking about women. We could be watching a tv show and he will say "oh she has a nice a$$" or "I'd like to see her in a thong" or "me and my buddies are going to the bahamas for my b-day...can't wait to see all the nice ladies in their thongs". First of all, that is FINE whatever. What bothers me is that he is saying this stuff out loud and to ME! I don't want to hear that when I am with you. I'm not your girlfriend, but I am someone who is sleeping with you and whe nI am with you, I don't talk about other men and blah, blah, blah! What he is doing is completely disrespectful towards you. Even though you guys are not technically exclusive he does not need to be flaunting. You should really just leave this guy alone, and let him do the chasing for awhile ... and if he doesn't call, then it's for the best because you deserve so much better than what he is dishing out .. he doesn't care about you. Which brings me to my next concern. I think he has sex a lot & I'm even under the impression that he pays for it. He is a big man. He probably weighs a good 350. Very good looking...Nice face..babyface. But he is big. I seriously doubt that if he goes to the bahamas no nice looking woman in a thong pair of underwear who is nice looking is going to talk to him, unless she is getting paid. I'm not saying that he isn't good looking, but he's a big guy. Another reason why I think he pays for sex and something fishy is going on is because he is always talking about porn and how he wants to find a couple of people to make one and sell it to some big company. Plus he owns so much of it! Two nights ago when I went over to his house, I got there at about 9 pm. I told him I would be there in an hour, but didn't end up showing up till 9 pm..which I was supposed to be there at 8 pm. I wanted to take a bath and get dressed up sexy for him. When I pulled up, two of his friends (whom I've never met and a girl were standing outside waiting to walk into his place). They were carrying in beer. The girl was standing there looking clueless, like she has never met these men before. The two men and her went into his place and i got out of my car to walk in and HE told me that I have to come back later. He has some "business" to take care of....I was very hurt. I went home...waited a few hours and he called me and said "sorry" and told me something, which i knew was a lie and I went back to his house. I stayed the night there and that was the last time I saw him. We went shopping that day for his new apartment and had 100 dollars left. When I woke up the next morning, he asked me for some money for gas. He said he lent his money to his buddy. Yeah right!! I am not stupid.. i'm thinking he bought beer and probably paid that girl to sleep with him and his friends. Again, he is totally disrespectful towards you. I hope you stop calling him, and stop making yourself so available to him .. since when is the female the predator? you hold the goods .. let him come and get it .. go out with your friends, have a good time .. get into a hobby .. anything to occupy your time .. get a job,, go to school what an a$$! He's an a$$ because you let him be an a$$ .. "he has hurt my feelings a couple of times, but I didn't care" We teach people how to treat us, and from the beginning you have taught him that it is ok for him to treat you like a piece of meat... I don't blame you for being upset .. sadly enough it might be to late and time to move on .. all you can do is learn from this and don't make the same mistakes. Link to comment
Mysterygirl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 "getting him back" is not going to make you feel better. Forgetting about him and moving on with your life is what will make you feel better. If you hold on to this you will be nothing but a lonely bitter woman by the time you are 30. Even if it means taking this time of your life getting to know you and the things you like. Making new friends, or going out with the ones you have.. Remember, for every action there is a greater or equal reaction ... I prefer to wait for Karma to happen.. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I never looked at it in that way. I know that i am putting myself down every time I call him, but I do because I am bored or am looking for something that will never be there. I haven't called him but once today, so I am not calling him anymore! What I really want is for him to start calling me and start to worry when he doesn't have his little "sex' friend anymore. Then what's he going to do? haha.... But what sounds even better is to get him back. I don't even really like him, I just want to hurt him and do something to him to make him jealous. I am the type of person who likes a challenge and by me bugging him and talking to him, it's exactly what it is...A CHALLENGE. But, it is self-degrading and I am putting myself down in the process. It's still fun though. Any tips on how to get him back? This seems to contradict what you said previously. You DO care about him --otherwise you wouldn't call him. You said yourself you'd see him everyday if you could. Now you're saying you don't like him? But then you say you want to make him jealous? These things are all contradictory. Bottom line: He's not worth your time. It's not worth trying to make him jealous, and, honestly, you're not going to make him jealous. He would have to really, really like you to be jealous, and it seems as if he's just in it for himself. Also: I don't see how degrading yourself can be fun. I guess I'm missing something here. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.