HELP!! My EX wants me back, dont know what to do

[vv15629]

Ok so a couple weeks ago i broke up w/ my ex bc i caught her talk to her ex boyfriend multiple time and not just "hey how are you' but things like i love you, i miss you, one time she even told him that she was single. and she talk to other guys just bc she likes the attention, she admitted that. i just grew so tired of it, it was so wrong and unfair. she says its all bc her first bf messed her head up so bad so now she craves attention from guys bc he never gave her any. But after a couple of time of pouring my heart out and tellin her how much that she hurt me by sayin those things to her ex bf, she continued to do it so i had to break it off.

 

when i first broke it off i knew that would be only way for her to realize things and that i hoped she would change and we could work it out. of course i was down and missed her like crazy. but after a little while i felt better and like i was ready to just move on. So about a week ago she started callin again alot saying how much see missed me and is sorry. so we started hangin out some again, she says she will change and that she knows she needs to fix things.

 

I just dont know what to do she seems so sincere but still. im really stuck. sometimes i think just go and move on she wont change. then i think maybe she will change and im pushing away something good. Its just tough bc now when we hang out all i can think about is oh great who is she talking to now.

 

She has started seeing a pyschiatrist since she knows she has some issues and she "says" that one of the main things she talks about with them is how she likes attention and how she keeps talkin to her ex even though she has no true feelings for him. I dunno what to do, it seems like she really wants to fix things but who knows if she will and if so how long will i have to wait around for it.

I thought about just givin it a rest w/ her for a while so she can get herself straight. i just feel like its now or never though. like we will be too far down are own paths later on to work anything out

[Casey13]

If she is getting psychiatric help it is a clear indication that she means business and is working on herself for you so I would stick it out with her and see if things get better. Give her some time and an opportunity to improve.

[IMAbadman]

Listen, bud… that highlighted sentence about says it all.

 

Seriously, if you aren’t enough for her than I’d really think about what you into here. Are you paying her enough attention? I personally don’t buy the “I need attention” excuses. But that you’ll have to decide for yourself.

 

The way you describe your situation she seems flaky. My guess is you’ll be riding her heartbreak rollercoaster before you know it.

 

Heed your gut. Give it a rest until she get’s her poop in a group. Let her prove to you that she’s not playing games.

[vv15629]

i agree with you somewhat but i've just delt with these problems for so long now, i just not sure if i have it in me to work through this with her and be getting upset and prob hurt a little through the process, then always the chance that she wont change anyway

 

and to the second poster, ive given her plenty attention and ive told her multiple times through talkin and in a letter how she is all i ever wanted or needed, i was so tired of there always being something or someone that she would allow to hold us back

[IMAbadman]

Do you believe she is really seeing a psychiatrist?

 

I detect a lot of cynicism and disbelief in what you’re telling us about what she says she’s doing.

[vv15629]

no she says she had two appointments already. i do believe her on this one.

[DN]

She's managed to make her behaviour the result of an 'illness' and that somehow it's not her fault.

 

But despite her 'need for attention' she could have made the decision not to behave in that way. But she chose to do it anyway.

 

There are far to many people who behave badly and then try to find an excuse as to why they couldn't help themselves. There are many ways to get attention - acting, dancing, exhibiting artwork, public speaking - or by volunteering in a senior's home. She doesn't have to seek out ex-boyfriends and say she misses them and loves them. Either she meant it - or she was lying to them. And if she will lie to them she will lie to you.

[vv15629]

there are certainly other ways to get attention as you mentioned above. i guess she just likes that direct attention from guys who are attracted to her.

[philove]

This girl is a player and cheat!! Do yourself a big favour and leave her now. I'm saying this because my ex was exactly the same!! She promised me she had changed after 3 years but she hadn't changed at all.

 

She will end up breaking your heart, you deserve so much better, there are much better girls out there.

[spook]

run for the hills.....

[spook]

run for the hills.....

[vv15629]

run for the hills.....

 

man that was quick and to the point lol

[longdist]

yeah, if you would even consider taking her back, then you should wait a long time from now and have her prove that she isn't an attention seeker anymore. I think it's a poor excuse anyhow, esp if she is talking to an ex.

[vv15629]

i was proud of myself last night since she wanted me to come over and stay the night, but i did not!! sorry just a first big step lol and it was actually pretty easy to say no. when i start to miss her i just think about all the hurtful thing shes did over and over. make me feel better w/ my decision

[Pandaman211]

i was proud of myself last night since she wanted me to come over and stay the night, but i did not!! sorry just a first big step lol and it was actually pretty easy to say no. when i start to miss her i just think about all the hurtful thing shes did over and over. make me feel better w/ my decision

 

You don't want to overdo that though IF you decide you want to try again.

 

Honestly, I'd say if you really feel you amde strides kind of letting it go, and this may seem contradictory, go with the flow. See where things take you, as long as you're not too attached. Because I feel like her reasons are kind of crap, I mean I'm sure maybe its a bit true, but honestly, she does have the ability to suck it up and not do it while shes in a relationship, no matter how hard whoever made it, but she still allowed herself to flirt and talk to her ex like that. And from your posts it seems like you somewhat would like to try again and see where things go, but I think the ultimate problem that would keep it from being what it was great would be the fact that this would stay on your mind, like "what did she do", and "what if shes doing it again", or "i still can't believe when i told her it hurt me that she kept doing it". You know what I'm saying?

[vv15629]

ok so last night my Ex starts texting an calling me a bunch of times. so finally by like the third time she calls i pick it up. shes already kind of upset at this point and she just wants me to come over and see her. i told her i cant and this is just what i need to do. i explained to her that she just needs to help herself right now. she of course became really upset and crying a ton. i hate seeing her that upset.

 

But then i told her maybe down the road if she truly feels like she has changed then we can see where we stand. but i know she just looks at this as me just being a jerk and selfish probaly. she seemed so sadden and sincere but i think i really need to stick w/ this breakup. someone please ensure me that im doing the right thing i know that this could push her away for good, but i think, and hopefully this is a chance i have to take.

[longdist]

So I guess to add a different perspective... Before my ex and I broke up, I started receiving a lot of attention from another girl. At that point in my relationship w/ my ex, I didn't feel like I was getting any attention and that she had become apathetic toward the relationship. So, I liked the new attention. At the same time, before long, I ended things with this other girl that was giving me attention. So, just make sure that you were giving the needed attention before when your ex was talking to these other guys. I'm not saying what she did was right or justified, especially if she has done this before.

 

I still wouldn't take her back until some time has passed. I think you want to let her get over the breakup and then see where she stands. See if she wants to come back. Then you two will really need to communicate and let each other know when something bothers you.