He wants me but made a mistake? Help

[ImfeelingBlue]

Please help me to either move on or understand this..my boyfriend and I have broken up after 3 and a half years...we did everything together. I knew him since he was in 9th grade. We started having some problems toward this senior year we broke up almost 2 weeks ago. But within those 2 weeks it was actually 2 break ups. See we had a fight n I broke up with him cause he never listens. Then the nexy day I buckled down and asked him 2 come back..he said he didn't want to and that I was right. We argue 2 much..I was askin him for another chance he was still like he needs to think about it..but we still was pretty much around each other..the whole school is asking us why?..3 days later he hugs me and says he sorry he took so long lets get back together..5 days later we break up cause of another argument..it was over me waitin in the rain 4 him and he never showed up..stupid things..anyway so we were broken apart by weather. Within those 2 weeks I'm like baby we can work this out..and he's like he doesn't know. This happens too often. So we try 2 be friends.. And I'm trying hard 2 do it but I just can't bare to see him and not wanna kiss him or hold his hand. He says no matter what he stil love me. And I come second to none I will always be his baby. Now he's goin off to the navy soon so I'm like why us? I can't get over him at all and everyone is asking me out. So he's like he doesn't want anyone either so we can juss get whatever we need from each other. Meaning he doesn't like no one else or wants anyone but me. So we have this talk on wednesday at my friends house he says he's not mentally ready for a relationship cause he havin problems at home (not his real parents). And he wants to be able to buy me things and move in with me and actually have a real life. But right now he can't. So funny how we end up kissing and crying in each others arms and he's holding me. I agree to wait for him to come back and we can get real serious. I got suspended from school cause this girl got made at me about advice I gave her and wrote a note 2 him sayin I told his business about his personal life and blah blah when she knew some things about him since 10th grade. She put all old things in the letter and he got mad. I hit the girl and yelled uncontrollably but I stil had to get suspended. Those were the rules. So me and him didn't talk for a few days. Come to find out when I call him he says he has a girlfriend. Its someone I know. A few people I was talkin 2 to help me handle the breakup already knew. He's like it was a mistake and a misunderstanding. I'm like ok well understand it then break up with her you can break up wit me right? So then I ask how its a misunderstanding and he says he kissed her and they didn't sleep together but it was pretty hot and heavy. His moms had 2 use the phone so I'm upset cause all my questions aren't answered. He says he wants me 2 go to prom with him "if I'll have him" and I don't understand and he hasnt forgotten me he loves me more than anyone. I love him so much its craZy. I really do still want him back. Should I just leave him alone? Does he still feel the same and how could I even get him back if it were possible? Please help me cause I'm tired of crying. I just want my baby back..I don't feel right with anyone else. Thanks for reading. Any advice?

[woobiegirl]

This must be a hard time for you for several reasons. 3 1/2 years is a fair amount of time to spend with one person, plus the 2 of you started off very young as you are only 17 now. Not having other relationships to compare it to makes it harder to know whether it's healthy or not. You might just be used to each other and after awhile, you have to be careful not to get in a rut and take each other for granted.

 

It sounds like your frequent arguments are over small things, although leaving you stand in the rain and not showing up wouldn't exactly make anyone happy. After all, it's the "little & special" things that couples do for each other that mean the most. Without respect and consideration you are guaranteed to have problems.

 

I wouldn't make promises by putting your life on hold for 2 years while he leaves for the service. You can write, keep in touch and if it's meant to be it will be when he returns. Give it some thought, it may be more that he is your 1st love, you both have gotten used to each other and sometimes although the relationship has more down sides, people think it's better than none at all.

 

You both have allot of living ahead of you yet, make it count!!

Take care and good luck,

Woobiegirl

[ImfeelingBlue]

You're saying that it may be or it may not be...we were together for 3 and a half years but we did date other people..however we always came back to each other cause we weren't happy...now what I'm sayin is...did he get the girl to replace me cause he's not ready 2 crawl back to me and say he was wrong and needs me?...or what? I don't get it..we tried the seeing other people 2 make sure we knew what we were doin and we had people 2 compare each other 2. I want to know do you think or does anyone think he will come back if 1)he doesn't speak or get in contact with her a lot and 2) he constantly is around me cuz of school...cuz that's what's happening. All my friends are telling me he just wants 2 find out if anybody else will be as good as me. I think they just gassin me up. Is it possible for us to get back together?

[woobiegirl]

Yes, it's possible for you two to get back together. Anything is possible. Do you know what you want to do with your life after school? What are your dreams and goals...just yours. Don't rush into such a heavy commitment. There is a big world out there waiting for you to explore with lots of new, wonderful people in it.

 

There really is not a more satisfying feeling than to have control over your own life. Not allowing others to control your emotions and don't rely on someone else to make your life satisfying or happy. If we put more energy into our own lives rather than worrying about what others think, focus on not losing our identity when we get itno a relationship, keeping our own goals, interests...I think, is part what makes us interesting and unique to each other. We all admire confident people who know what paths they want their lives to take. The key is how we handle the challenges we all have along the trip. Life is an adventure, we have one shot at it...give it your best.

 

Good luck and take care,

Woobiegirl