am I a cold person?

[FloatingAnchor]

I consider myself average when it comes to feeling compassion for people, but maybe I'm not. I've been dating this guy for 2-3 months and his sister just went to the hospital. I think she might need surgery, too (not life-threatening). He's obviously worried, and I feel bad that this is happening, but I'm not really affected by it. I feel like I should be and I don't know if I'm not because I don't know his sister at all, or him that well, or if I'm a naturally less compassionate person. Also, I never know what to say in this and other situations where people are dealing with bad news. I find no meaning in phrases like "everything will be fine" because that's not for me to say, but I don't know what I can say, that is sincere, to make someone feel better. It just bothers me that he is upset and I can't relate.

[live.ur.life]

Sometimes it's just best to stay out of it all. You don't know his sister that much and you can't force yourself to show feelings of affection when they are just not there. If you want to show compassion, show it to your SO. Tell him that you are there for him if anything is ever bothering him and give him a hug. I'm sure you've known someone or maybe even someone in your family has been in the hospital before? This kind of thing affects people differently. Don't put too much time in anazlying about what to say. Just be there for your SO if he ever needs someone to listen. You can show him in those ways.

[Scorpion Fury]

I wouldn't be personally affected by it either, it's non-life threatening so not really a big deal. To me, anyway. I probably wouldn't be all that upset other than the cost if I needed surgery and it wasn't life threatening. I'd just understand he's upset and be there for him

[alli]

It just bothers me that he is upset and I can't relate.

 

Obviously you aren't a cold person or else it wouldn't bother you! You haven't been with him that long & you don't know her at all. It's hard to be worried about someone you've never even met. I don't think there's anything wrong with you; don't worry about it.

[FloatingAnchor]

I told him to call me if he wanted to talk (we don't see each other during the week). I guess the best way for me to be supportive is to listen. I'm not the type of person to throw out "don't worry" and "it'll be fine" when I don't know. It makes me feel a little awkward, but it's good to know my lack of a substantial reaction is a normal reaction.

[alli]

Just show your concern & ask "how is she doing?" You could send get well soon balloons or something too.

[FloatingAnchor]

Yeah, I have asked how she's doing, and I do genuinely want to know. I'm not going to send balloons, though. His family is out of state and they don't know I exist yet! This is kind of what I mean, though. I'd never think to send balloons. I need to learn to be more empathic.

[live.ur.life]

What kind of surgery is she getting?

[FloatingAnchor]

A pleurodesis. That's not too bad, right?

[Cognitive_Canine]

You're not attached to her, only to him. I doubt anyone could show emotion to someone they barely knew.

 

Don't worry about it. Talk to him when he feels down. And, if he doesn't want to talk, give him someone to lean on quietly.

 

You don't sound cold to me.

[jul-els]

If you had very little empathy then it wouldn't bother you that you couldn't do more, right? You have plenty of compassion, don't worry. Just be there if he needs you, as others have said.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Surgical pleurodesis is performed via thoracotomy or thoracoscopy. This involves mechanically irritating the parietal pleura, often with a rough pad. Moreover surgical removal of parietal pleura is an effective way of achieving stable pleurodesis

 

Doesn't sound like a bad surgery. It really depends on what exactly the doctor is doing.

[Carnatic]

I think the fact that you are bothered enough to write a paragraph says it all.

 

I can't imagine that you aren't a compassionate person after writing that; it just takes a lot to show compassion at the suffering of someone you don't know.