Umlunguusa Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Okay, so recently my best friend admitted to me she had feelings for me that were romantically inclined, and indeed I do too. At first I thought it was a great, wonderful idea. However, I'm now starting to personally have second thoughts about whether to pursue such a relationship after all...I mean, I realize now that I love her more than anything/anyone else on earth...and it's NOT infatuation or puppy love. how I know this, is I'm actually thinking of not dating her because I can do her more good from a protective and emotional stance as a really close friend than if things were to get sexual (which she implied, she really wants with me)...because suppose we don't hit it off, if we break off, there is a very good chance we never will be the same again... so I want to hear your opinion. Is the best way I to show I love her not to enter in a relationship at all with her? I mean, even if that's what she wants most (because it is) should I just totally avoid the prospect of doing so? Am I being unloving towards her if I consider avoiding a romantic relationship with her, even if that is what she wants more than anything? (she'll respect my decision of course) I'm so confused... P.S. I'm not going to lie, I'm being slightly selfish here, as I'm afraid if things will get sexual, I could get vulnerable and thus cheated on again. which btw, I'm deadly afraid of. what should I do? Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Okay heres the way i see it. I dated this guy once who i believed was the only person i could ever truly trust. He was the person i was closest too. He knew almost everything about me and i knew alot about him too. We were awkward in the relationship and the break up was horrifying. I've never felt more pain in my life because i lost not only my boyfriend but my best friend. He couldn't talk to me after we broke up and it took us two years to get back onto a non awkward talking terms in which we could hang out and just be mates without me feeling anything towards him. You have to understand that whilst i was madly in love with him, and i think at the time he thought he loved me too, he didnt. So for me it was bad. That all being said, i've seen best friends end up the happiest. That situation was different, there was a bad reason for the break up. My good friend was best friends with her boyfriend for a very long time, she actually kept turning him down and then she eventually realised she was in love with him (when he went on a date with another girl) and since then they have been happy as larry, connected at the hip, never leaving each others side. If your friendship means so much im positive that it will last even if you do break up. Your going to feel scared with everyone you enter a relationship into. Im the same but in a different way. No matter who it is your going to feel that fear, why not let your best friend help you with that, why not go there with someone you trust soo deeply as a friend. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 If she's already confessed to you that she sees you as more than a friend, you're stuck. Heres why: If you refuse, she'll be rejected by 'her friend' and you won't ever be able to have the same kind of friendship with her again. You'll have hurt her, and she'll remember that. If you accept, you'll have one of the best kinds of girlfriends ever - the kind you already love. But if it doesn't work out for any reason, you will lose your friend forever. Either way, by not persuing it at this point, you stand to lose. Take the wise road and give it a shot. You have the best thing a man could ever dream of handed to you on a silver platter, don't turn your nose up at it because you're not sure what's under the lid. Link to comment
langford Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Stop thinking so much and just get on with it,if you love her be with her or someone else will.So you might stuff it up, so what,life is about growth not avoiding pain.If you were hurt before im sure you learnt something valueable from it.You wont be able to go back to being friends either way if both of you have admitted feelings now and she has made it clear that shes sexually attracted to you which would make any sort of friendship awkward. Link to comment
jsx730 Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Yea man, it's too late now haha. You just gotta go for it. I did. I've been able to "do her more good from a protective and emotional stance" than I ever could have done as her friend. We've been together for almost 4 years, and couldn't be happier. No offense, but you're being an idiot. Just go for it, enjoy it, and live! Link to comment
Umlunguusa Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Yea man, it's too late now haha. You just gotta go for it. I did. I've been able to "do her more good from a protective and emotional stance" than I ever could have done as her friend. We've been together for almost 4 years, and couldn't be happier. No offense, but you're being an idiot. Just go for it, enjoy it, and live! haha, maybe I am being an idiot, I mean, it's plain to see she's crazy about me, it's just...with another guy with her, I can still be close and love her (even if never sexually, and the guy may be the jealous type) and that's fine with me. however...I mean, she is crazy about me...I'll go for it. see what happens, and post a follow-up. Link to comment
jsx730 Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 I'm not a jealous person, but even I wasn't able stay in that position where I watch the woman I love date someone else, simply so that I can be a good friend to her. Luckily, her ex was an idiot who treated her like crap, so it wasn't hard for me to ride in on my white horse and save her haha. Been together for almost 4 years, knew each other for 3 years before that, and I've already bought the ring... Link to comment
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