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knowing your league?

noneStar

By noneStar
in Dating Advice

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karvala Collaborator

karvala

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In all honety, I don't agree in "trying" to get a relationship when you don't like anybody. You're just looking for a pretty face to fill a role in that scenario.

 

I'd much rather be content being single, finding a guy I like...and then maybe thinking about a relationship.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

Makes perfect sense to me; that's exactly the approach I take as well.

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noneStar Contributor

noneStar

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I ask because I need to assess this info to predict my odds. I can't stand failing at anything.

 

In person, I've never approached a girl I've "liked", i.e. felt superficially attracted to without knowing much about her other than her appearance is attractive to me.

 

I've dated really attractive girls but only through online dating where I can build a rapport with prior to actually meeting, because I can "approach" them in a more comfortable setting for me, assessing all of the factors, without having to risk anything.

 

Probably because I'm really selective and careful, I don't have any experience being shot down on initial contact but the thought of it is terrifying to me...

 

I'm a punkass, and the fleeting times where I've felt confident like say after a good date, I feel extremely guilty afterwards

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StrawberryYogurt Explorer

StrawberryYogurt

Posted
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If you look at most couples, they are more often than not in similar league looks wise, let us not deny that. I think I"ve read some scietific evidence of such as well. Sometimes, you will see one of the couple (more often the female) quite a bit better looking than their SO so that shouldn't stop any individual from asking out someone who's much better looking.

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rocio Veteran

rocio

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I'm sorry but there are "leagues," though that is a crude term. SY is right -- people of similar attraction levels tend to mate. That's the way it is. Sorry...

 

Don't you think that could have more to do with common interests and lifestyle?

 

Most people can be reasonably attractive. While some of it is genetics, we can maintain a sexy figure, take the time to find clothes that flatter us, put effort into our hair, our posture, etc.

 

Thus, if you see two people who are in good shape, dressed well, walk with confidence, etc. it's not necessarily that they're in a different "league" than others. It can simply mean that they have common goals, interests and values.

 

Likewise, if you see a couple that is carrying an extra 200 lbs between the two of them with scruffy hair and dirty shoes, well... same thing.

 

I'm sure many of you may disagree with me, but I don't think there are any men out there "out of my league". There may be men who prefer women who are more beautiful than me, and that's fine. But for every man like that, there are going to be 5 others "in their league" who would find me attractive enough to date. Likewise, I'm not going to look at a man and think, "I'm way out of his league". I might think he could stand to hit the gym, to shower, or to stand up straight. But I don't necessarily think there's any guy who wouldn't be good enough for me if he put effort into his appearance. For instance, I work with this guy who is really, really nerdy and geeky looking. He's almost 40 and never had a girlfriend. But he hits the gym every day and is very intelligent and funny and, honestly, I think he's pretty darn sexy in his own way.

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Tethys Contributor

Tethys

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ambrella, we have been through this on here -- and men don't believe it -- but women do look at more than just appearances. We can become attracted over time to someone we didn't think find all that attractive in the beginning.

 

However, that almost never works in the reverse.

 

Which is why, when the dust has settled, we usually mate with others similar in attraction to us. I know that what you are talking about happens often with women, very true. However, I get so tired of the guys who are okay to average thinking they have a right to be bitter because the 10 with the supermodel looks isn't interested.

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rocio Veteran

rocio

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However, I get so tired of the guys who are okay to average thinking they have a right to be bitter because the 10 with the supermodel looks isn't interested.

 

I say let them think that. It's better than them lowering their expectations, only to wake up in 15 years lying next to the mother of his children, looking at her and thinking, "God, how did I end up with such a hideous creature?"

 

I'd rather that they end up alone and in endless pursuit of that supermodel than settling for an average woman and ending up making her feel worthless because he's never attracted to her.

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Tethys Contributor

Tethys

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Amberella,

 

What about them looking at the women around them, who are very attractive, but not supermodels, and realizing these women have minds, goals and creativity. And then marrying them. Is that settllng? Are they lowering their expectations?

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rocio Veteran

rocio

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I'm sorry Ambrella -- it sounds like you have very personal feelings about this. I can only say that it is not you, it is him. I have seen your pics, and you are a beautiful woman. I'm sorry if he doesn't see it that way.

 

Okay, that's hitting below the belt.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

Posted
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no such things as leagues. except in sports.

 

ghost please, you know that isn't true.

 

how so? i wish you could elaborate. and you didn't offend me.

 

That's not true! The NHL isn't any "better" than the pee wee league.. They're just different, each with their own unique strengths and weaknesses.

 

isn't that leagues in sports like i said?

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