Why are so many people against burning bridges?

[waveseer]

When a relationship of any kind is over some people are extra careful not to burn bridges. What do they hope to accomplish by this? I mean, if the parties involved are meant to have a relationship of any kind in the future they can repair the bridge at that time, right?

[Binoo]

I agree.

I've burned a few bridges with exes, friends etc. and it was the best thing I could have done.

Some people are toxic and need to be out of your life.

I don't think I've ever ended up reconnecting with anyone I've purposely avoided. I don't burn a bridge unless I'm absolutely sure I must.

[top bloke]

I feel it is a peaceful way to end a relationship as a feeling of resolution as opposed to leaving hate and anger. In saying that I have found that some bridges must be burnt with them on it. Some people are pure evil and deserve no mercy. The way they treated me they deserve much worse but I seek peace in my heart..forgiveness for my enemies souls and pray that god deals with them.

[Casey13]

Why burn a bridge to repair it after if needed when usually burning a bridge or not require the same amount of effort.

[waveseer]

Maybe I should define what I mean by burning bridges. I mean making sure that the other person knows that I no longer wish to relate to them the way I used to. Implied in there is the possibility of relating to them a new way someday but never returning to the old way.

[jul-els]

When a relationship of any kind is over some people are extra careful not to burn bridges. What do they hope to accomplish by this? I mean, if the parties involved are meant to have a relationship of any kind in the future they can repair the bridge at that time, right?

 

My take on this would tend to be no, you can't. If a person goes to all the trouble to sever a connection, why would they want the extra added burden of trying to rebuild it? I think "burning a bridge" is a drastic measure, but there are some occasions when it's necessary. When it is, it's done and done.

[jul-els]

Maybe I should define what I mean by burning bridges. I mean making sure that the other person knows that I no longer wish to relate to them the way I used to. Implied in there is the possibility of relating to them a new way someday but never returning to the old way.

 

I wouldn't term that as burning a bridge, I would call that putting an "out of order" sign on it.

[purpleduckie]

i like burning bridges. it gets me to the place of no return because i need that to really pick up and leave. lame!

[renaissancewoman101]

I would never burn bridges with anyone because, who knows, down the road, you may WANT to reconcile with them. I've never been the dumper, always the dumpee, but I have always tried to stay on good terms with the dumper.

 

I like to stay friends with my ex's as much as possible.

[waveseer]

Again, to be clear I would burn a bridge to make sure the same relationship is not repeated.

[ratfreak]

Some people who have hurt you so bad need to be out of your life forever.

BUT

If you got along and something went wrong I don't see a reason to totally toss the person out of your life.

 

You'll never know who you're going to need later in life and good friends are hard to find.

[Zeitgeist]

Even if you have no intention of crossing it again, why put any effort at all into burning it?

[BellaDonna]

I think burning bridges can be a very good thing. If a person is toxic to your life they need not have a path back into it.

 

I think we live in an age where it is far harder to burn bridges- Myspace and Facebook have made it almost impossible to burn bridges, same thing with "friends" who you do not talk to in years but who still send e-mail forwards...

 

I'm the type of person that likes things black or white- no grey. I'm a bridge burner- it doesn't have to be on bad terms, but once I decide that someone is "out" of my life- they are OUT. I should note that it takes a lot for a person to be put "OUT".

 

I guess when I'm replying to this, I am not thinking of exes, but of friendships from the past.

 

I refuse to have a Myspace or a Facebook because I don't want to be "searched for" by people on the other side of the burned bridge. I think that people from the past should stay there.

[brahman]

I keep the bridges unburned because I have debt with her and my name on it.

[BellaDonna]

I keep the bridges unburned because I have debt with her and my name on it.

 

 

Well that certainly makes a lot of sense. You have to look out for yourself. That sounds more like a smart move on your part and not so much a true desire to stay in contact.

[doyathink]

Depends on the person as to whether or not I burn the bridges between us.

[JadedStar]

Some bridges need to be burned. I only adopt this philosophy of not burning bridges in my professional world. If someone in my personal life was a total ass to me, their bridge can be burnt and buried. lol

[waveseer]

It's good to know so many people out there are like me and don't mind burning a bridge here or there when it seems appropriate. Thanks everyone for your input.

[JadedStar]

Ready2heal i fully believe it healthy to put toxic relationships to rest. There is nothing at all wrong with that IMO.

[LAYAAN]

wow, I'm glad to know that there is someone else like me, Belladona. Even I don't use facebook or myspace. When I used something like that (which was mostly for India), I could not resist the temptation of looking at my ex's pictures, pictures of other people who have not bothered to stay friends, etc. It brought more anguish than gladness that I could find them. Also, those that added me on such social sites, really did not know me in person, I'm not someone who likes to put my pictures and discuss events/likes/dislikes/my personal things on such sites, for the rest of the world to see. There was a time when my self-esteem was shot very bad, so, I'm better off such sites.

Well, back to main topic of this thread, I'm someone who has always been the dumpee, not the dumper. I don't argue/use bad words/throw tantrums/get angry at men who say/said no to me. I just didn't return calls/deleted phone no.s. I think, it is called "burning bridges", but considering how the interaction went, I'm positive I can't stay friends with them. I need distance and no contact to move on.

[LAYAAN]

Some bridges need to be burned. I only adopt this philosophy of not burning bridges in my professional world. If someone in my personal life was a total ass to me, their bridge can be burnt and buried. lol

very well said. I completely agree.

[brahman]

Well that certainly makes a lot of sense. You have to look out for yourself. That sounds more like a smart move on your part and not so much a true desire to stay in contact.

 

 

Yes, this is true. But I also believe in not being cruel to people just because I can longer see my self being with them.

[noneStar]

i can't burn bridges because i tend to be a very forgiving person.

 

i can never "hate" or dismiss a person i once loved. i can never be a "dumper".

 

i guess that's one of the reasons why i've had such a hard time moving on from my ex.

 

i always want things to be "right", and i hate conflict or resentment or feeling like someone doesn't like me.

 

is this due to a lack of self-esteem?

[jul-els]

Could be that. Could also be a high level of compassion. Or perhaps a combination of the two. Saying you could never be a dumper sounds like you're saying you couldn't leave someone even if they were bad for you. That sounds like low self esteem. To say you could never hate or dismiss someone you loved sounds like you have compassionate heart. So based on what you're saying, I'd say it sounds like a little of both.

[Unknown1607307972]

I'm going NC with my ex, so I guess that's a bridge burnt. We had a fairly long relationship and although I no longer loved him as a boyfriend and had fallen for someone else I still found the idea of cutting him out of my life too drastic and extreme. However, trying to be friends didn't work. My ex was normal one minute and bitter and resentful the next. Plus I didn't like hearing the way he'd talkabout my new boyfriend (I only told him I had a new boyfriend because he wouldn't accept our relationship was over otherwise...not to rub it in). I felt so guilty seeing him so depressed too that it made me depressed. I once burst into tears in a uni class because something reminded me of him and the rush of guilt came back. I knew I'd made the right choice but I hated that it had to hurt him in the process.

 

So now we're NC and I hope whatever he's doing he is ok. I think it's easier on both of us this way as we were just hurting eachother in a vicious circle. Maybe one day in the future we can rebuild it and be friends but I think that is far into the distance, if ever.