THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[chappie]

so ofcourse the ex initiates chat with me, which is hard not to because we live together, so i ended up breaking down because she was talking to me normal about a pet we have together and what we had to do in the future but yet didnt realize how she was saying it was bad. I know i could of just said yeah no problem smiled but im still a little weak the 8 hours did well until she put herself in my path. Anyway she went out for awhile and i wrote letter and read it to her when she got back just so i could say what i needed to say and nothing more nothing less. Ofcourse we talked more because i had to let her ask questions and be respectful of that as well. So i just made sure i stuck to positive attitude while simplifying my answers to her questions. Then we discussed that we need to NC for a week which was my idea, I brought it up to her. And she agreed, she still feels like she lost her connection but almost seemed optimistic by saying if this was to work it would have to go real slow..... breadcrumbs! But im not expecting anything, instead what im doing is allow me to postively think ofthe situation, by allowing me to fix myself in the time given. Think about it though, even if you dont have breadcrumbs or you are waiting around, why not say you know what thank you for allowing me to do a midlife self reflection and see if i like where ive ended up. 2 Hours NC, simple nice casual talk. Can not really stop it when you live together and your not being forced out. I believe the more relaxed we look and act the better we will start feeling about ourselves. I hope you all the best as we try to figure out life and love mysteries.

[chappie]

What I'm not controlling very well are my thoughts -- I have got to find some "thought stopping" techniques that work for me. I haven't cracked that code yet.

try walkng even if its around the block, i find myself walking everywhere it clears the mind if you just focus on where you are walking rather than what you are thinking.. It allows you to start gaining better control of your lungs and how to probably breath.. Just my thought try it out what do you have to lose? calories?!

[IAmFCA]

Day 11

1. I notice an increasing ability to feel a softness for new guy aided by his consistency and my NC

2. Increasing appreciation for the fact thachaoticandmoret I am not in Mr wows life, because it is too dramatic and more than that because he is emotionally unreliable. He is faithful to his gf because he said he would be, not because he wants nobody else. Chaos.

[IAmFCA]

Day 11

1. I notice an increasing ability to feel a softness for new guy aided by his consistency and my NC

2. Increasing appreciation for the fact thachaoticandmoret I am not in Mr wows life, because it is too dramatic and more than that because he is emotionally unreliable. He is faithful to his gf because he said he would be, not because he wants nobody else. Chaos.

 

 

Kind of foggy today, haven't run, having a bit of weird feeling that we haven't been in contact. Its a smaller feeling than even these words suggest, but its there. I would normally text him a hello right now, and of course I will not.

[kiara17]

Day 9 NC

Today is a weird day. I'm starting to look back on my life when I was in the relationship and think it's weird how fast my life changed. It almost seems like a distant memory, which I don't like. I don't like feeling like this cuz I feel like I'm starting to get over it. And I know everyone says you have to, but it's scary, and I keep thinking to myself, is he feeling this way too? Does he feel weird this way? Or is he happier with his new life? It's a little hard to accept nothing will ever be the same, even if we were to get back together, so much has changed since we broke up, it would be like a totally different relationship; which I guess could be good or bad. Regardless, still not loving this thought process, though I know it must take place in order to heal. Just a weird feeling...

[IAmFCA]

When you let it go, you create space for something else to flow in

[chappie]

Kind of foggy today, haven't run, having a bit of weird feeling that we haven't been in contact. Its a smaller feeling than even these words suggest, but its there. I would normally text him a hello right now, and of course I will not.

 

Keep up the good work, again it is tough. Last night after she initiated talking to me after 8 hours, i told her that we should only speak once a week or any medical changes with the animals. We spoke at 630 am just simple sorry if i woke you up, have a good day.

[IAmFCA]

Keep up the good work, again it is tough. Last night after she initiated talking to me after 8 hours, i told her that we should only speak once a week or any medical changes with the animals. We spoke at 630 am just simple sorry if i woke you up, have a good day.

 

Thank you

 

I appreciate how tough your situation must be!

[chappie]

Again you cant look at hwat the other person is thinking, they need to resort to their thoughts and cures of how to be a better them, you need to continue to do the same. Think of it not as getting over it, think of it as healing and being able to have the control to say yes or no if/when they come back. Sometimes people forget their self worth when they are in a relationship because instead of making themselves happy, they bend over backwards trying to make the other person happy. Keep up the good work, its really hard for me since we live together... 8 hours yesterday was a miracle. Today its a little easier with the feelings... so i know each day goes by itll get better. and thats whay im hoping for.

[chappie]

Its driving me up a wall... She says NC but then talks to me about animals or things she can do on he own rather then let me pass by in silent, she still asks me to things for her which is really weird and absurd. Can you plant this flower, can you do this yard work, can you clean the pool. Its like whoa you wnat me not in your life but you are giving me chores!? My mind is exploding.

[MKEC94]

Thank you chappie.

 

I just can't understand how in one moment he can say I am his best friend (when he broke up with me, and in his email after). He kept going on and on about how much I mean to him, how he "more than cares for me"...yet he hasn't contacted me since his email over 3 weeks ago. Total silence. After that, there was a short message to him about my email reply and I asked "How are you? You doing okay?" It was a simple question, yet he didn't even reply. My "friends" don't treat me like that.

 

If we were best friends, and he was happy, then is he missing me right now? I know nobody can answer this questions. It just hurts to think that he is just moving on with life, without looking back.

 

If I could only stay angry at him, I think it would help me keep moving forward.

[MKEC94]

try walkng even if its around the block, i find myself walking everywhere it clears the mind if you just focus on where you are walking rather than what you are thinking.. It allows you to start gaining better control of your lungs and how to probably breath.. Just my thought try it out what do you have to lose? calories?!

 

That is a good one and help when I went through my divorce years ago (exH left me for another woman).

 

What about when I'm working, or in class, or driving? Any other ideas on thought stopping out there?

[chappie]

I like to just get up and walk away from my desk and even if i have to ill walk in circles or pace back and forth if anyone asks me im taking a break and clearing my mind. Obviously not everyone has the luxary. But i find myself humming a tune or focus on my work, it stinks but it works because you "accidently" stop thinking of the SO

[chappie]

Maybe hes giving you the NC treatment if thats the case, it makes it easier for you.

[chappie]

Thank you

 

I appreciate how tough your situation must be!

 

Again you cant look at hwat the other person is thinking, they need to resort to their thoughts and cures of how to be a better them, you need to continue to do the same. Think of it not as getting over it, think of it as healing and being able to have the control to say yes or no if/when they come back. Sometimes people forget their self worth when they are in a relationship because instead of making themselves happy, they bend over backwards trying to make the other person happy. Keep up the good work, its really hard for me since we live together... 8 hours yesterday was a miracle. Today its a little easier with the feelings... so i know each day goes by itll get better. and thats whay im hoping for.

[MKEC94]

Day 15 of NC for me

Almost 4 weeks since the BU

 

How am I feeling?

I did a much better job at work today in staying focused. That felt like progress! So that was good.

 

But the afternoon was awful.

 

I had to go to one of our other offices this afternoon, and while I was there I saw my Ex H's desk and some of his friends (people that used to be our mutual friends - we work for the same company). I didn't see my Ex H. The friends came up and talked to me, like they always do, always polite and friendly. But seeing them made me think about past failures, my marriage, and the fact that after all these years past the divorce, here I am single again.

 

I recognize the difference in men, and I recognize that KC was the best I've ever had.

It took me 50 years to find him, and now he is gone.

 

Kinda makes me wonder what is wrong with me. Why am I alone?

 

On the way home I heard a song that KC and I used to talk about and sing to each other. Then the tears just started flowing. That is the first time I've cried in a few days.

One step forward, two steps back.

 

I have an old guy friend from out of state staying with me at my place for a few days. When I came in the house after work, I tried to hide it, but I eventually broke down crying. He held me and hugged me, and listened to me talk for awhile. I'm grateful for my friends and the support they provide, but they don't know what to do to make me feel better.

 

I feel broken. I want to be past this already. Saturday will be one month since the break-up. Why does it feel like yesterday? This morning at work, I felt like I was making progress, but then those tears made me feel like I'm still stuck back on the break-up day.

 

I want to feel whole again, or at least something close to it.

 

Today I thought about some mistakes I made with KC...things I could have done better. Woulda, shoulda, coulda may not amount to a hill of beans. But recognizing my contributions (good and bad) may be a step in the right direction. I'm not sure. I don't know what it changes -- can't fix this thing with KC. But maybe it will help me be a better partner for the next person that comes into my life someday.

 

I'd like to use those lessons with KC. But he has his own issues that he has to figure out, and I can't help him. He obviously wasn't communicating with me like he should while we were together, and I can't fix that either. I can't make him talk to me or want to try to build something new.

 

All I can do is fix me. I'll keep working on me, healing, focusing on college and finding a new job, staying healthy -- living life, and faking my smile until it's not fake anymore.

 

I'll get there eventually.... Sigh....

 

On a good note, I got a 90 on my last exam. I thought I did much worse - hardest class I've ever had. I also got a 100 on a quiz last night, and I didn't even understand the chapter. Too funny! 5 more weeks in the semester. Then one more semester to graduation! I need to keep it together until then. There is never a good time for a break-up, but this timing is beyond suck overload (losing my dad, college, and losing my job -- all in the same year). If anyone deserves a break or a do-over, it would be me, and I'm not afraid of saying that.

[kiara17]

MKEC94, I understand how your feeling, the whole one step forward, two steps back thing. It can be the smallest triggers that send you over the edge and it all comes crashing down. But I feel in time that will go away. It's true that there's no good time for a break up, but I feel your situation is so tough cuz so many things are happening in your life! Give yourself a pat on the back for being so strong and not completely breaking down keep doing what your doing and it'll get better!

[IAmFCA]

Day 11 ends with NC in tact.

 

He knows, now, that I have no intent to contact him. He knows and he can feel my absence and she can feel him adusting to it. She knows she has him, now, even if she can tell the shift is meaningful, no matter. She knows. He has to bear it within, or the details won't make any sense to her.

 

Or not. But, that's my existed guess.

[chappie]

Day 11 ends with NC in tact.

 

He knows, now, that I have no intent to contact him. He knows and he can feel my absence and she can feel him adusting to it. She knows she has him, now, even if she can tell the shift is meaningful, no matter. She knows. He has to bear it within, or the details won't make any sense to her.

 

Or not. But, that's my existed guess.

 

Good stuff, keep up the hardwork and thinking positively!

[IAmFCA]

Day 12

glad he let me go

[chappie]

Day 12

glad he let me go

 

Yes sometimes we think selfishly and we think the person let us go for our faults. Which for the most part is true, but im sure he had his faults as well and this time can give him some time to think and fix himself.

[IAmFCA]

Yes sometimes we think selfishly and we think the person let us go for our faults. Which for the most part is true, but im sure he had his faults as well and this time can give him some time to think and fix himself.

 

He said

 

I love you and the biggest gift I can give you right now is to let you go find someone better

[chappie]

He said

 

I love you and the biggest gift I can give you right now is to let you go find someone better

 

Sounds like hes trying to cover up his own faults, or hiding something. If he truly cared he would of given a reason for walking away.

[kiara17]

Day 10

 

So I cheated today and looked at his FB, bad I know and of course it made me feel worse cuz it showed how much fun he was having while on vacation. He doesn't look upset at all, this makes me wonder if he's already over it, and that thought kills me inside. I feel like today is not gonna be a good day since I did that. I know that I should know better than to look at his page, it's just so hard not to. I wonder if he really is happier without me? I hate how I'm going through all this pain and he gets to go on having fun loving life. Everything seems really unfair right now. Today is a depressing kind of day

[chappie]

There is no reason to think there is something wrong with you, we all have internal battles of emotions on different levels. We get use to something for so long that we forget how to properly make ourselves feel in a given situation. Although sadness and pain is a choice we choose to live with, it can also be a weapon to define and underline what we truly want in life. Continue to focus on work and school and keep your head held high. As you can see we are all not alone, and we are just trying to find the right answers. Sometimes all we can do is wait and thats when our mind starts to consume us. Keep busy and keep staying positive about the situations being thrown at you.

 

Remember when you get knocked down its not about investing your emotions into figuring why you got knocked down, but rather investing them into getting back up!