THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Tissot]

Well how to begin, my ex and I broke up just over 3 weeks ago and we're in NC. We've dated over 4.5 years and lived together in most of the years together. We had strong bonds and it was healthy up until I brought up the idea getting engaged early this year. She finally admitted 2 months ago that she got scared about the idea and started evaluating our relationship. She wrote them down for me and it was a painful read but then from what she wrote I realised that throughout the relationship I haven't been very good to her. Let's just say I haven't been the same person she met the first time and I have been neglecting on my own happiness and future aspirations e.g my dream job, starting a family etc. I got scared after the letter she wrote and confined myself on the shoulder of friends one of them is female and she really is just a friend; nothing more. I invited my female friend to my house and met my family and we just hung out and talked. I told my gf at the time and she said why are you doing this? you can't be close to another female if you have a girlfriend, I apologised and said ok I will stop hanging out with the female friend. And then we are doing ok for another 3 weeks...she had to leave the city because of her new job so I organised a night together before she left but the last intimate night didn't end up well between us; I was being selfish sexually and putting my needs against hers, she got upset and cried, and said she's not sure she can trust me again after of what happened, I said I'm so sorry and I promise it won't happen again ever and she said she knows but she said she can't do it anymore but we didn't break up after. I took her to the airport the next day and we said our goodbyes and she left. Few days after she had gone I message her once a day asking her about her new job and it was ok until one night I said something rather negative to her about our past and then she said, sorry, she can't do it anymore...I was shocked (realised now that I was being a jerk) and I said can't we work things out and it's a bit unfair that we broke up over a phone call...she insisted that we should then I said ok, I love you and I'll miss you (while tearing up) and then hung up. It's been over 3 weeks now and I've done some reading of getting your ex back, NC, TGIGS, moving on steps and so on and also have done some journal writing and evaluate myself and what went wrong; I've realised now what went wrong and I've been improving myself. I'm still missing her and I love her, she's far from me and glad that she is otherwise it'll be harder on the moving on process...tonight one of our close friend told me my ex called her and they chatted and our friend told her that I'm doing ok and my ex glad to hear that...I'm still in the healing process and doing ok. I'm now on day 27 of NC and feeling rather well, I can sleep better at night, I'm going out tonight, and during the day I don't think of her as much anymore...sometimes I do wonder whether she misses me and all that. I know I have done a lot of wrong things to her throughout the relationship but she wasn't perfect either and has her own issues, I just wish it didn't end like this and we could've talked about it like two mature adult. I have been keeping

 

I have been keeping myself busy with work and looking for new work, exercising, networking and soon learning web page and graphic design! I'm trying very hard to keep myself busy and keeping her out of my mind. Another thing, I imagine her with somebody else, at the start it was hard to deal with and torturing myself but it helps me now since I don't know what to expect when she calls or try to reconciliate and it kinda give me closure that she maybe found a rebound since she does deserves a better person, maybe one day if we're meant to be and I've become a better person maybe we can pick up where we left off - we have so many things in common and great connection.

 

If she does call what would I say and should I try to contact after 60 days or should I wait until she initiates?

[MajinGuu]

Day 29!

 

Tomorrow it'll be 1 month since I've started NC. Yay!

So how are things now? My ex texted me 9 times during this, repeated that she missed me, begged me to talk to her... I did not.

Yesterday I felt a bit down because I reread a message she had sent me in May and it was just depressing... A message full of love, hope, and fake promises. I felt a pain in my heart.

Other than that, whenever I think of her I think of the bad things, I think of all the bad things. Everything she's ever done to me, all the pain, all the tears, all the betrayals, all the lies...

 

This entire relationship was a life lesson, a really harsh lesson. I don't ever want to make this mistake again, and I know this is not going to happen. I remember vividly every word, every tear, I remember the intensity of the pain, I will never forget any of this.

 

I know I won't be caught dead with someone like my ex again because I will finally be able to read the signs, to see the red flags, I will know that rejecting something toxic won't be the end of me and that I will not lose anything by doing so. I know what to avoid and I know what I want.

[JUJ]

Day 1

I'm going to take up this challenge as now I'm really fed up of messaging my Ex when it looks like he is hardly interested...so One month starting from today NC!!!!!

[JUJ]

I broke my NC on first day itself.....I was passing from near his office and I thought may be i could catch up with him....Now I feel really stupid....

But once again I'll start my no contact challenge and serious one this time.....I'll start tomorrow as I've breached today!!!

[TheSpoon2Big]

I broke my NC on first day itself.....I was passing from near his office and I thought may be i could catch up with him....Now I feel really stupid....

But once again I'll start my no contact challenge and serious one this time.....I'll start tomorrow as I've breached today!!!

 

Do you work with your ex too? I do hang in there.... ugh

[JUJ]

nope....I had some work in the area where his office is...I was really hoping o catch up with him....It was stupid!!!!

[JUJ]

Day 1

well this new day 1 after breaching on my first day in an earlier attempt has gone well w.r.t. NC. I did not contact him in anyway. in general i keep texting him or calling him every 2-3 days and he replies like 1/5 messages. It puts my mind in real turmoil. so took up this challenge. today was totally no contact. Since he has admitted that breaking up may have been a mistake and did not say anything more than that I at times feel like calling him up and look for few answers...but I've stopped myself from doing that now..as I know it will yield no results as of now!!!

[TheSpoon2Big]

nope....I had some work in the area where his office is...I was really hoping o catch up with him....It was stupid!!!!

 

What did you do, try to stop by and talk to him? I work WITH my ex, and it's incredibly difficult.

[JUJ]

What did you do, try to stop by and talk to him? I work WITH my ex, and it's incredibly difficult.

Yes..I agree..I'm struggling with NC even when I am away from him....yours is inside the same office you are in!!!

[lyla2013]

Day 3

 

I feel really low today starting from the morning, missing him like crazy, wondering what is in his mind.

 

Finally, i couldn't help it and logged into skype invisibly. There, i saw him online! without me, probabaly talking with someone else?

The stupid thing is that the messages (which i failed to send out a few days ago) are now popped out to him, but he made no response.

This is so sad, i feel miserable.

I am sick of logging in and out checking on him, caring about what he is doing, wondering if he ever cared about me. I am sick of myself behaving like this.

 

He used to love me and care about me so much. How come he has the heart now to leave me here crying and bleeding?

 

Perhaps we really do not match, that's what he has realised, and that's why he's so determined to let go this time.

But still i can't help wondering if this is really al over? This is so hard to get through with......

 

I want a different version of him, the loving caring one with emotions.

I guess he want a different version me as well, the submissive soft one.

But it's not possible,that's why this relationshi doesn't work, that's why i am doing NC now.

[Lazyb0ne]

May I ask who dumped who? Hang in there! I'm in NC with my ex for around 3 weeks, almost to a month. I still have the same thoughts as you. I wonder about what shes doing every day, what type of people shes hanging out with, did she get skinnier, is she getting enough sleep.

 

But we can't do anything right now at the moment. We can only reevaluate our mistakes and try to solve them. Use that time to to heal, improve before you have any thoughts of reconciliation.

[MajinGuu]

Day: ?

 

I've stopped counting after the 1 month mark, I don't need to keep track of this any longer.

Whenever I feel like replying to her texts I remember what she's done to me and I realize she's not worth any of my time. We'll never be able to be friends and it sucks a bit because I miss our friendship sometimes, but then it's entirely her fault if everything is ruined so I'm not going to feel too bad about it. She freely decided to be gross to me so whatever, deal with the consequences. I know I'm not going to dwell on her bs forever.

[lyla2013]

Actually, it’s a long-distance relationship. We’ve split up several times over numerous disputes and fights. Every time, we got angry with each other, lost patience, and said goodbye. But almost every time, I came back to him, and begged him to stay.

He stayed, but got more and more distant after each fight, acting so indifferent and aloof. There’s no “I miss you” “I love you” from him anymore, although I keep saying them to him.

 

Every day, I was waiting the whole day in order to talk with him. When I finally got to talk with him, he always had to go after about 30min.

However, after saying good night to each other, he’s still there online.

Things were so different as before.

 

I have many doubts about him in my mind, I know he has many about me as well.

We have difficulty in trusting each other. Sometimes, I think if we were actually living in the same place, perhaps we wouldn’t need to have so many trust issues and could just enjoy being together. But it’s too late, fairy tale has gone bad.

 

Last Tuesday, I wrote him two emails in a roll, and finally got a mere word “ok” as a reply after my waiting for three days.

An “ok” out of nowhere, I don’t know which questions he was meant to reply.

I got really tired of his attitude and his indifference.

So I wrote another email to him, telling him that I still really wish to get back together with him, to be back like the way we were, but I can’t do it without him.

I asked him not to contact with me any more if he doesn’t want us any more, unless he changes his mind and wants to give us another try.

I sent it on last Friday, but got no reply since.

 

That’s how I started the NC.

 

It kills me to picture that he might already have someone lovely that he can talk with in a nice and peaceful way.

But today I think, if it is really over for him, if it is really over for us, I wish him well, I wish him find a sweet girl, and I wish him happy.

After all, I am not perfect myself, I have this terrible emotion control issue, and that’s why I don’t deserve him.

This again makes me cry… really hurts.

[lyla2013]

Day 4

 

So many different thoughts are going on in my mind.

 

I miss him so much, i couldn't help log in my skype and saw him there online again.

He was right there online, i could tell him how much i missed him, i could tell him how i wish that we could try to work it out, perhaps we could carry on a conversation again...

Perhaps he still misses me too, he's just too stubborn and too proud to come back to me...

 

But then i thought, so what? He would talk to me about 30min and say that he has to go as usual. Nothing will be changed.

If he really cares about me, he would have repied to my email already.

So i logged out skype immediately. God bless him there on skype, whatever he's doing without me.

 

I try to think of the bad things about him:

- He never picked up my calls, this really annoyed me so much. I hate when people do that to me, and i was so disappointed to realise that he - the one i love and care so much - would have the heart to do that to me.

- He told me that he had so many doubts about me, suspecting that i had another man. So i asked him to call me anytime, his call is welcomed anytime, i have nothing to hide, (though i know i cannot do the same to him, because he never picked up my call.) But his call never comes.

- He pushed me to tell everyone around me about him as my boyfriend; but then i found him hiding me from everyone around him.

- He said that he had changed his phone number, but he never gave me his new phone number, despite that i've mentioned this question in one of my emails.

 

THIS IS SO WEIRD...

 

But then, i remember how he shared all his childhood photos with me, together with his parents' photo, his brothers' photos...

He was so nice, sweet and dear to me, so sincere. I miss then. I miss us.

 

Perhaps he really just doesn't love me any more...

[hrdcore1337]

Day 1

 

Today after my situation listed in:

 

I have decided to try to not contact her as much.

She is waiting for something out of my control, but still wishes to text me during a "break" when she claims to be single?

 

I can't take it anymore, I have always been whipped, on her beck and call.

 

I did this before for 2-3 days and she said "she loved me and really missed me" but we did not reconcile because "she was not ready".

 

So be it, I'm going to try to flip the table, and be patient, when she wants me back, only then, I'll break this NC rule.

 

I am gonna wear the pants in this relationship. But please give me support because I'm fighting one of my most dearest connections I have in this world, to try to save it.

[Usffan1]

I accept the challenge but it's going to be hard with her living in my house. I guess I'm going to have to work longer hours

[hrdcore1337]

Day 1 Cont'd

 

Tonight after work she texted me the routine "Night since our spat.

 

I did not respond, I'm gonna stay consistent. I will heal

 

1 Day NC

1 Day NFacebook

[js0905]

May I ask who dumped who? Hang in there! I'm in NC with my ex for around 3 weeks, almost to a month. I still have the same thoughts as you. I wonder about what shes doing every day, what type of people shes hanging out with, did she get skinnier, is she getting enough sleep.

 

But we can't do anything right now at the moment. We can only reevaluate our mistakes and try to solve them. Use that time to to heal, improve before you have any thoughts of reconciliation.

 

 

 

Just wanted to say I was in what I thought was a relationship but I guess I was wrong. We were together only about 5 months when he started communicating less and less. Then I was the one doing all the initiating but he would always respond nicely but I did feel a change....

Then Saturday 07/20 to be exact I texted him just good morning =) and never heard back. I knew he was alive because I did stalk him on a website where I can see him without him seen me. Also on that website he had access to posts and pictures of me which funnily enough I decided to revoke last night. Shortly after that I get a text from him "Hi Sexy, how are you?", amazing how clueless he is or thinks I'm. Obviously it has been 23 days since I heard from him, how does he think I'm? So I didn't reply, then 1 hour later another text "You are not happy with me...."

Seriously??? He thinks he can be hot and cold and use me apparently as an option and I would be happy with that?

 

Remember clearly when we started our relationship I was upset when I didn't hear from him for more than a couple of days. His response to that was that he didn't think we needed to be in touch daily. I was ok with that because I didn't want to act needy but he obvioulsy knew that it bother me then. Now fast forwarding 4 months he wonders if I'm not happy with him? I didn't respond to that either.

It had gotten to where he didn't text for a couple of weeks and I still allowed that. Which is probably why he thought he could just dissappear for almost a month.

The funny thing is that I never got pissed off or told him off or even texted him after he didn't text back that one time.

 

Did think about it and wrote like three emails which I saved as "drafts" in my Hotmail account but never sent one. Also did think about sending one last night before I got the text. Almost regret having "revoked" him on that website because now he knows I'm alive and that I cared enough to do that. Rather have him think I don't give a damn anymore...

 

I had started to get over him actually and deleted the thread of his texts also last night before I heard from him.

Now I'm not sure what I want. He still didn't apologize or give me a good reason why he stopped contacting me. I think I will hang on and see how I feel in a couple of days. If I don't hear from him again then good riddance I suppose.....

 

Ahhhh, he just texted again just now this morning "Baby..." like really !!!

 

Help!!! I need to be strong and just wait for at least a freaking apologu or damn explanation...

 

Crap!!

[lyla2013]

Day 5

 

This is so difficult. I still can't help hoping to receive his emails, to know that he still wants us together.

Can't believe that he really gave me up like this.

 

Actually i should have done NC since long time ago. Probably he's already given me up since long time ago, even since our first big fight.

I was always wondering if i didn't come back to him, would he ever come back to me, fight for me?

(Last time, when i asked him this question, he said that he doesn't know. I thought he was just playing cool, maybe i should have believed him, and just let go there and then instead of keep coming back. What a fool i am. )

 

It looks like he's doing totally fine without me. I wish i could just accept the fact that he will never write back to me.

I went over my last email to him over and over again, just to make sure that i didn't say anything harsh, to make sure that i didn't say anything that might push him away.

No, i didn't say anything negative, excpet that i asked me not to contact with me unless he doesn't want us any more.

So there's really nothing i can do any more, because i have tried my best to explain myself, open up all my feelings my pains my hopes to him, and i'm hoping for a positive response from him, but there's nothing. So there's really nothing i can do any more...

 

I miss him in all those beautiful memories, not the one with this cold heart.

The one that i'm missing so much, he's already gone, dead, vanished, never to return again.

 

Obviously, i'm still in the phase of denial. I hope i can get over this phase sonner. So painful...

[hrdcore1337]

You'll get through this stay strong,

 

stay away from that phone and go out and do things.

[hrdcore1337]

Day 2

 

I'm staying strong this time, she texted me

"omg you are not going to believe what happened today"

 

I told myself, NO, this is a breadcrumb. Not gonna happen.

 

I will not break, I promised myself.

[lyla2013]

You'll get through this stay strong,

 

stay away from that phone and go out and do things.

 

Thank you... I am trying to stay strong...

I am planning a trip to his country. It's been my wish for very long time, i'm not doing it for him, i'm doing it for myself.

I'm doing it like a closure to my past years of living in this world, of all those confused stumbled failed aimless years of living in this world.

When i come back, i hope that i can start fresh, start from zero, and i hope that i can finally start to focus on myself.

 

But just a moment ago, i was so close to sending him a random message in a light mood to tell him about my trip.

I just wish so much to share every little things with him...

I'm glad that i didn't send it, i remind myself that there's no point of doing it, because it's over, he won't care.

yes, i am travelling to his country, so what? it's not like that we are going to meet. No, there's no point really. It's over.

[hrdcore1337]

I'm struggling as well.

 

My love for this girl is so strong, it's driving me crazy not texting back.

 

I want my life back

[hrdcore1337]

Day 2 Cont'd

 

I broke NC today due to her texting me first earlier in the day.

 

I kept myself busy and did not respond automatically. I got home late and just sent "night

 

Testing the waters a little bit since shes texting first, but I will not initate a conversation with her.

[JUJ]

Day 5

Well, I have posted 2-3 times before about how I started NC and all the time couldn't get beyond 1 or 2 days. But I started again and I am on my day 5....at times i do feel tempted...but then for past few days I have been able to get over those temptations to call or ping him when he is online....and now I have actually started feeling proud of myself

I am hoping it goes like this for this month...right now my only concern is what if he pings me when I am online and if get tempted again to reply him back!!!