THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[marshmallito]

Day 5

I am still unproductive, and spending too much time on these boards. Trying not to fight it and let myself grieve. Hopefully I will be sick of grieving soon.

[kitkat77]

i went 9 days, beginning on april 15th, then broke NC on thursday. stupidly drunk texted him, late after being out and having a few, asking him to come over. he said no, he knows it hurts, but he needs more time apart from me before we can try to resume a friendship.

 

friendship. not my favorite word right now.

 

there has been a big music festival going on in our town today. he has missed it every year because of his work schedule. i was always disappointed in previous years because we never got to spend the day together, enjoying the festival because of his stupid job. today, i got sad for a minute, thinking about the fact that he was missing it again. then it turned to anger because i even got sad about that. then i was resentful because of EVERYTHING he missed out on with me because of his job.

 

i ended up just getting too overwhelmed with sadness by the early evening that i had to come and get in bed. i can hear the music from my house, it's just a few blocks away. my friends are there, they've been texting me to see where i am. i put on my sweats and got in to bed. if i had stayed any longer i would have had a panic attack. i know i should control these emotions better than this, and not give in to them. i look forward to this festival every year, and i'm so angry with myself for letting him ruin it for me. he's a workaholic, if he's even feeling a fraction of the sadness i'm feeling, he's ignoring it by working. the not knowing what he's feeling/thinking/doing is the worst.

 

"it's not that i'm not in love with you..." "part of me wants to work this out, and part of me doesn't think we can..." "the fact that i had sex with someone else and enjoyed it tells me there's something wrong with us." SERIOUSLY? and HE needs time apart from ME. whatever.

 

i guess i'm on day 2, after my little relapse at the end of day 9. i just really wish i could remember why it wasn't working, so i could knock him off the d*** pedestal already...

[Ne Moe]

Day 11

 

Really really struggling. Want to talk to him so much. I miss him a lot. I don't like not knowing how he is.

I have to stay strong.....

[figmentations]

Day 29

 

Wow. Almost a month. Not a single peep from her despite I emailed and left a voice message weeks ago. I miss her but focusing my attention somewhere else has been helping. I also slept with another person and while I felt crappy when I woke up, I feel ok now. I've accepted she's not coming back.

[fscur]

Day 2

 

After all night having dreams with my ex where we would not be getting back together, I woken up kind of depressed... i just cant stop thinking about her...

[IAmFCA]

day 20.

 

if I fall in love again, will the sex be as good? gosh I hope so.

 

am really hoping stellar sex is available with someone who isn't bat sxxf crazy. you, b, are a welcome absence of love and loss all rolled up in one. I would like to feel that love and joy with someone else, and of course I don't yet. but you are chaos in a human form, and I can ill afford your nonsense.

 

how will I ever teach someone to work my body the way you can.

[Alone Now]

day 20.

 

if I fall in love again, will the sex be as good? gosh I hope so.

 

am really hoping stellar sex is available with someone who isn't bat sxxf crazy. you, b, are a welcome absence of love and loss all rolled up in one. I would like to feel that love and joy with someone else, and of course I don't yet. but you are chaos in a human form, and I can ill afford your nonsense.

 

how will I ever teach someone to work my body the way you can.

 

Have you ever had someone ask you how to please you? Orally? Digitally? Through intercourse? A real man would ask and would want to learn. no matter how great he thinks he is! Being asked what pleases a woman is a high compliment to that woman and very much a turn-on directed at the person you are with. Has any man asked you point blank "What can I do to please you"? If so, that man would be a keeper in my book because he isn't only interested in getting his, but committed to pleasing you! It takes a real man to ask that question and you can be sure he is confident in himself to ask! Like I said, that man worth keeping around for a long time to come!

[axgunner]

day 6 (Yesterday)

 

Thought about her a bit stalked her a bit on tumblr. Really tempted to break NC but trying my hardest to focus on moving on. Why do I keep wanting her to contact me? This is beginning to be an issue.

 

-Didn't end up buying motorbike

-Goal is now 2 weeks!

 

Almost at the 1 week mark!

 

One step at a time future Alex! Your doing good son!

[marshmallito]

Day 6

All this talk on the boards about how we wake up... i wake up several times during the night with the awareness it is over. It stays on my mind even during sleep. We weren't together all the time, I don't know why I miss him all the time now it is over. Maybe it is just a kind of depression, and I am associating it with him when it is just me.

[IAmFCA]

Have you ever had someone ask you how to please you? Orally? Digitally? Through intercourse? A real man would ask and would want to learn. no matter how great he thinks he is! Being asked what pleases a woman is a high compliment to that woman and very much a turn-on directed at the person you are with. Has any man asked you point blank "What can I do to please you"? If so, that man would be a keeper in my book because he isn't only interested in getting his, but committed to pleasing you! It takes a real man to ask that question and you can be sure he is confident in himself to ask! Like I said, that man worth keeping around for a long time to come!

 

oh yes, got that covered.

 

I am writing about the unbridled passion intimacy and athleticism to which I had become accustomed. no need to explain out gets but also not really replaced. B was mind blowing if he was present at all. it's just that he was unreliable about being present, which feels emotionally abusive at some level. so unrivaled, or absent. I am hoping to find unrivaled plus present.

[kitkat77]

Today has been hard. It's day 3 after I broke my original NC on Thursday at day 9. Nights like tonight make me remember when he'd come over after work and sit on my porch with me. He would bring a bottle of wine and we would catch up on each others day. I miss him so much it physically hurts in my chest.

 

I'm finally getting one meal a day down, but I don't even taste it. I keep going over all the things that went wrong. I'd go back and do things differently if I could. Times like these make me feel weak, but I won't contact him again. I just hate thinking that someone else is in his house, his bed, wrapped up in his arms like I was.

 

I managed to make it so far into adulthood without any drama, then I loose a pregnancy and the love if my life, all within 6 weeks. How do people make it through this stuff? I wish I could figure it out. I wish I could make myself not care...

[Ne Moe]

Balls......was on Day 13 and caved.

Just had a really stressful morning and I'm missing the support (practical and emotional) that I got from him. Support that he still wanted me to use even after we split up. In fact, before I went NC he told me he'd be really disappointed if I didn't come to him when I need help with something. I know it's probably pity but maybe I need a bit of pity.

 

Anyway, I just texted him saying he's very quiet lately and that I hope he's doing ok.

Back to day 1 tomorrow

[Ne Moe]

Silly move. We've arranged to catch up tonight. Why do I do this to myself.......Well, I know why. Because I miss him and I still love him. Seeing as today was a write off for NC anyway I might as well go the whole hog.

[james31]

Day 26?

Even though im seeing someone else i have questions in my head that i feel need to be answered.

I hate the fact that i somehow still love her and am scared i am going to let down the new girl in my life.

 

Im actually scared about it now

[beaton]

Broke nc on day 16. Met him for coffee while I was visiting his state for the weekend. It was soul crushingly awkward and stilted. While no mention was made of the breakup, it hung in the air like butter. There was no indication that he still had feelings for me and honestly he whole meeting was so disappointing that I never want to repeat it. Back to day one of infinity.

[fscur]

Day 3

 

Her father has gotten better and she text me to tell he's ok... I asked for some advises on what to do here in the forum and replied her msg.. really short, just wishing my best to her dad...

 

Im in a work trip and just cant get her off my head.. just bought a book to try to get rid of these thoughts....

 

It really sucks...

[figmentations]

Day 30

 

One month! I feel pretty good. I thought about her, obviously, and cried a tiny little bit and felt sad but was mostly happy over news regarding my job and was kept busy doing other things. I feel I'm moving on, though I love her and sometimes fantasize about being together and that we still have a chance but I need to take my own advice and stop waiting around for her to break NC. Something better could be around the corner and I don't want to live with my head buried in the sand.

[axgunner]

DAY 7 ONE WEEK YAY MAN **** THIS FEELS GOOD!

 

Whole day I just did my thing. Class and THEN BOUGHT A HELMET FOR MY MOTORBIKE! HOMG 1 STEP CLOSER TO MY SEMI LONG TERM GOAL! WOOOOOOO

Thought about her a bit in the morning not much though.

 

AT NIGHT SHE CONTACTED ME ABOUT HER GETIING HER BRACES OFF. which was strange. But I had to go slepe so I just answered and cut the convo short. Does this mean I start from day one again?

[IAmFCA]

day 22

 

am fascinated by the quality of our connection, combined with the craziness of it. am building a new connection. he seems so stable, so well grounded. and emotionally unavailable. you, in contrast, were very available emotionally, which you balanced by disappearing every 4 weeks.

 

is it possible to have emotional intimacy and emotional health? of course it is. gotta keep the faith.

 

as good as we were when together,I do not miss your emotional chaos. the good is so very good but it does not warrant the crazy.

 

so I am on day 22 and still glad to be rid of you. but there surely are parts I want to find again.

[Ne Moe]

So I was on day 13 when I flaked and sent him a text. He called over to visit last night and we just chatted. But he's put me in a difficult position. Himself and my daughter get on really well and were chatting. He keeps animals and she was asking him what animals he has (spring time so lots of baby animals being born). So he invited us out to see them at his home. Invited is actually the wrong word. He told her to come out and visit.

She was so happy and excited and she agreed straight away.

So now at some point next week I will need to see him again as I can't let the kiddo down and she is super excited because there is one of her favourite animal due to be born in a few days. It'd be akin to handing her a big present and taking it back off her.

So NC won't be possible for the next week or so

 

Challenge......failed (for now)

[marshmallito]

Day 7

nothing

a friend asked me why dont i call him. um... because he told me he doesnt have feelings for me. nobody believes me when i say this, but thats what he said. he said it more than once.

i thought of another reason to be happy he is gone. the wound still hurts, but this must mean it is starting to heal.

[marshmallito]

Day 7

nothing

a friend asked me why dont i call him. um... because he told me he doesnt have feelings for me. nobody believes me when i say this, but thats what he said. he said it more than once.

i thought of another reason to be happy he is gone. the wound still hurts, but this must mean it is starting to heal.

[El3216]

Day 6

I told myself I was going to stay away from ena to continue my progress but I'm feeling kinds low today.

 

It's been more then 6 days since some time of contact but 6 true days. Nothing sent by her or me. I'm a roller coaster or emotion. I go through moments if clarity and peace followed by anger and hatred. Then I'm sad then happy.. Ect ect

 

I deleted her number so I don't call or text her. I know no good will come of it. I'm tired of checking my phone waiting for this stranger to reach out to me.

[DonDraper32]

Day 30

 

Truthfully, I thought I'd be further ahead by now, but I'm in a much better state than I was a month ago.

 

I've been on two dates since last talking to my ex and have slept with two people. I still have rough days. And sometimes they're rougher than the early rough days, because they come out of nowhere, but truthfully, I don't know what other choice I had than going NC.

 

I'm not over my ex. Even after everything, I still want her back. But the pain isn't nearly as sharp as it once was.

 

I thought I'd hear from her by now (she drunk dialed me once three weeks ago and I didn't answer), but I guess that shouldn't matter.

 

It still hurts to know that it's really over, and I don't know if I've even accepted that yet. But I'd highly recommend NC.

 

Also, I spent a week away from the boards, which I think was a good thing, because it becomes easy to wallow in self-pity around here.

[El3216]

Today is a mental struggle. I want to ask her so bad to meet up with me. But I know it's useless!! Need to clear my brain.