Trust issues pleas help

[male2008]

Hi

 

So we broke up about 8 months ago. reasons there where many and alot of them had to do with broken trust. She keept breaking it. Mostly she would say she didnt know she was breaking it or something of that manner. She is very naive. One example she was in a group work, one guy know player on campus keept chatting with her on msn, no problem. Then he keeps talking about missing her or " I had a party only thing missing was you. " she replied " I had to go out to dinner with my BF" now the thing is she wasnt flirting back but its the way he will read it, the crossing of the line when he started talking about her boobs.

 

Now this went on I had several conversation with her about it. final straw was when she called me specificaly to tell me he had been starring at her boobs all day, I asked her to throw him out of her msn and myspace, she said she didnt want to hurt his feelings. Mine seemed not to matter.

 

This is one of MANY examples. But always it seems like she dosent do it quite on purpose but still they keept happening and she would always "push them more on" AND always "I didnt know" excuse. She would be disrespectfull as well not intertusing me to her male friends at parties and so on.

 

finally we broke up. But we keept contact. We got backtogether for a 2 month period and broke up again. Now we are talking again.

 

the issue is that she seems to grave attantion unknowingly by her account but I dont know if I can believe that or accept. Allready this week it has happened twice. Last one was at a school party I had to wake up early I told her if she wants to talk about things it had to be now cause I had to wake up early for a fitness contest.

 

We meet up in the hallway of this banquet hall. there we started to talk. (We had an aggreement which she suggested of now flirting that night) I had 4 friends come over to say hi, I just told them I was busy. Her male friend comes over he is in a band she is a huge fan off. He starts starring me down aggresivly dosent introduce him and she ignores me and starts talking to him.

 

For me thats disrespectfull she had enough time to chat with him later, I had to sleep for the competition and I had dismissed 4 friends.

 

The thing is I KNOW its not a BIG deal. But it but me back emtionalie to those momments where she broke the trust, I had a terrible sleep cause I knew she was at the dance. she told me he came over and chatted with her for a while and appologized for being rude. I didnt trust her at all I was worried cause I feelt I was getting petraied again. I did my part of the deal. In the relationship I never did anything to even put a question mark on

 

So my question is this, can I trust her again, do people change, am I just setting my self up to be hurt. Am I just being peti???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

 

Pleas help.

 

I have posted nummoerus threads when I was with her here that you can all read

[male2008]

I almost want to try to trick her. Tell her a friend of mine saw her dance with someone. If thats true.

[penelope13]

Why do you want to go back to her? If a relationship has been broken before, I believe it takes a lot of work on both sides and together before it is possible to restart the relationship. If not both of you have worked on the issues that separated you in the first place, the next break up will be just around the corner

[HeartGoesOn]

My opinion is...Why put so much effort into trying to stay in a relationship with someone you can't trust?

[male2008]

Yeah Im really confused. Its not even that I dont have other options. I meet a girl yesterday balletdancer. But my ex was my first one I thought of as a potentional wife. She got pregnate and lost, we moved intogether for a while. So its confusing

[male2008]

Pleas advice more

[Jake.]

What it ultimately came down to for me, with my ex fiancee of 2 years who is now my fiancee once again after being broken up for about 4 months, is are you willing to put your heart on the line again in hopes of it working? Or are you going to move on to another person and start over after you're ready to move on? Trust is a huge issue with me and everyone else. I still have trust issues sometimes, but ultimately I know that if I stress on it too much it will eat me away like always. Sometimes you just have to forgive and take a leap if you want to have any hope of it working.

[male2008]

thats the thing I dont know if Im ready to take the chance again. I really dont want these issues bothering me. But my dad who knows the relationship and all its troubles says that she is naive and like me dosent think its on purpose. But he thinks she will outgrow it. I dont know. some times I think it would be best to start completely over.

 

Im so confused its nuts.

[Jake.]

Maybe you need to sit down with her, one on one. Talk it all out with her. Honestly there's no formula for this, it all comes down to both of your choices and decisions. Communication is good.

[male2008]

We are meeting today to discuss this. The thing is also that we where talking on msn about this, I told her it wasent a good idea to talk on msn as alot is lost in the words you say cause you cant hear the tone.

 

But sje did the thing she always does. I told her that friday had been hurtfull and that she had done the wrong thing. All she replied was "It allways seems like Im doing the wrong thing". Well she did but she managed to put a spin on it like it was my fault. She allways does that, makes it sound like she is the innocent victim.

 

I even spoke to my dad that loves her to pieces and he said no she did the wrong thing absoulutly.

 

Im just really nervous about both ending this permenatly and also getting back together. I hate the fact she just cant own to the fact she did wrong and stop excussing it with I didnt know, it wasnt on purpose.

 

What do I do?????