Eleanor Rigby Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I have/had a little telephone/cyber thing going on with someone that i was really enjoying. We would talk for hours upon hours on the phone, almost every day. He got upset at something i said last month, then disappeared for a week. I did not reach out to him during that time. He sent me an IM finally that i responded to, we then talked on the phone for a couple of hours.. but he still seemed cold. He sent an email, and one IM after that but again.. very frosty. I have been maintaining no contact for a week now. I don't call, IM, or write. Neither does he so far. But we didn't officially "end" the friendship.. and I'm just confused. If he decides to start calling or write again, should i respond? I mean.. if he gets over being pissed.. and starts acting like he did before. I would enjoy the friendship again...but I don't know. I just don't know how I should work this no-contact thing when the friendship was not officially ended. Not sure if this makes sense.. lol Link to comment
anonimo Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Did you guys even talk about thwhat upset him in the first place? I think talking about that could possibly help you guys move forward. Link to comment
Eleanor Rigby Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 No.. we never really talked about it. He got upset.. then I could tell he stuffed it down really fast and just hurried up and ended the conversation. So we never resolved that.. he just got icy on me all of a sudden... and then stopped talking altogether. Link to comment
savignon Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 the quickest way to resolve it would be to bring it up directly and ask him if he's still upset about what you had said. If yes, decide if it warrants an appology and if not, just know that the comment/argument may have changed the dynamic between you. If it's a friendship you'd like to continue, send him an email and see what's up... Link to comment
Eleanor Rigby Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 but how does that play into the no contact? He went quiet on me and stopped contacting me so if i call or email and mention what he got upset about won't that be me pressuring/pursuing him? I have no problem apologizing for hurting his feelings..but I think if I bring it up it might look desperate and groveling. Link to comment
savignon Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I think if you "don't" bring it up, it may look (to him) like you don't care. NC is just a game...you don't have to play. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 but how does that play into the no contact? He went quiet on me and stopped contacting me so if i call or email and mention what he got upset about won't that be me pressuring/pursuing him? I have no problem apologizing for hurting his feelings..but I think if I bring it up it might look desperate and groveling. Before starting NC with my ex I did apologize to him for some of the things I did that I thought might have upset him, leaving the door open for him to discuss things with me. He never got back to me about it.....and made no attempts to explain his own disrespectful behavior (hitting on other women in my presence, including one of my friends). NC is really not about the other person....it is something you do for yourself, to help you heal and move on. I guess you have to ask yourself what makes the most sense TO YOU in the particular situation you are in. Link to comment
Eleanor Rigby Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 hmm the way im feeling now.. I think if i make the first move at this point it's going to send the wrong message. Because he just dropped off the face of the earth like a douche when what i said was MILD. He totally overreacted! Then got all pissy like a 4 year old and started ignoring me. Also.. because im confused about his behavior I keep thinking the best thing for me to do is back completely off.. I feel if i start trying to do things that it will get worse and we really will get in a fight. I just keep thinking if i contact him after a week of no contact to apologize for something that he didn't even want to fully acknowledge hurt him... it will make me feel bad.. loserish, groveling. I don't want to feel that way. He's not worth it for me to expose myself to that feeling. Link to comment
savignon Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 He's not worth it for me to expose myself to that feeling. Well, then, that's that. Sounds like you're done with him. Link to comment
Eleanor Rigby Posted March 15, 2009 Author Share Posted March 15, 2009 Yeah...thats what it feels like. I don't know him that well.. I did/do like him and wanted to continue the friendship but it was still in the early stages and I guess if he is going to go all Bitter Spice on me.. whats the point? It sucks though because I still have urges to connect with him even though my brain says it's not worth the trouble. I had so much fun when we were doing well.. Link to comment
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