How long should one wait?

[Speranza]

Hopefully.

[No One]

One thing's for sure - women always know when a guy's looking hard/trying hard. They don't seem to favor that.

 

Best advice I've had is to get involved in activities that you enjoy with other people/groups, and, that's how you'll get to know the ladies as individual-to-individual. Granted, they usually decide real fast upon meeting you if they'd ever hook-up with you, meeting under such (non-romantic pretenses - not bars, dating services, etc.) conditions is much more likely to be productive (unless you're the bar-fly type).

 

I'm sure that you know this. Just mix the routine up a little, man. When a woman sees you as friendly and confident in an endeavor, you are usually cast in a positive light.

 

BTW, suicide and romance/friendship may be mutually exclusive for your situation, so, stop beating on yourself!

[youngpup]

Hopefully youngpup just doesn't feel like responding to his thread.

 

i'm still here for another few years. eNotAlone seems to have stopped sending me e-mails when there's responses.

 

i just came by to post, "Four months, is that long enough?" Four months since i signed up to eNotAlone this last time. Five years since i singed up to eNotAlone the first time. Twelve years since i gave up.

 

"How long should one wait?"

[badgenes]

Hey,

 

I've had the obvious symptoms of depression for 2 months now. I won't tell my story yet but am writing to tell you you shouldn't wait, you can only try.

 

I'm bored of reading peoples' comments in what they perceive to be a potential suicide victim's cry for help all over the web about how things will get better, how you shouldn't feel so hopeless, that you have a purpose in life, God has a plan for you, there is someone out there for you.....

 

This doesn't help.

 

I will continue in another thread and am inviting everyone to follow me.

 

How long should you wait guy, you've just been looking in the wrong places, that's all.

[NightLily]

Hey,

 

I've had the obvious symptoms of depression for 2 months now. I won't tell my story yet but am writing to tell you you shouldn't wait, you can only try.

 

I'm bored of reading peoples' comments in what they perceive to be a potential suicide victim's cry for help all over the web about how things will get better, how you shouldn't feel so hopeless, that you have a purpose in life, God has a plan for you, there is someone out there for you.....

 

This doesn't help.

 

I will continue in another thread and am inviting everyone to follow me.

 

How long should you wait guy, you've just been looking in the wrong places, that's all.

 

To be honest, when I was posting on here as well for such things, I don't care what they said, ANY post was helpful. If it only kept me occupied for long enough to think about what they typed vs. "die die die".. Long term? Maybe not, but you just need something to get through today sometimes.

[youngpup]

How long should you wait guy, you've just been looking in the wrong places

 

The first clause doesn't match the second. It's like saying: "How long should you wait guy, oranges taste orangy."

 

 

People should just say that they're not going to answer the question. They should just say, "I'm not going to validate your desire to commit suicide by saying that it's okay after some amount of time. Suicide is never okay. You have no choice but to suffer for another 50 years until you naturally die - because suicide is never an option.

 

 

The question is more of an examination of the catch phrase, "Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem." i can't argue that suicide, if successful, is anything other than permanant. But being a temporary problem seems highly dependant on the specific situation. If it is a temporary problem, that means it must have a temporal element - something that will change with time. What if it does not change with time? What if the problem is, in fact, permananet? Note: one has to be careful to differientate between

 

- does not change with time

- can not change with time

 

Some people's problems cannot change with time. For example: being paralyzed, or some disfigurement. One would argue that although your problem can't change: you can change your view of it - and just learn to accept it. In my case, it's not that the problem cannot change with time: it simply will not.

 

The only point left to argue is that perhaps it will. Perhaps if i give it enough time something magical will happen. In my case this isn't true: i've been told, by people on this thread and in real life, that nothing will change unless i do something. There's no guarantee that doing something will fix it, but there is a guarantee that doing nothing will cause it to stay broken. And that's where i am. The guarantee that it will never get better. i complete reasoned my way around my own question.

 

 

But for those who argue, "suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem, after how long would you accept that it isn't temporary? How long should one wait?

[badgenes]

Sorry kind of got lazy there at the end. I meant to say, you shouldn't need to think about suicide. You will find what you're looking for, you've just been looking in the wrong places. Check out my thread youngpup.

[youngpup]

Check out my thread youngpup.

 

zomg. You deleted your post, and the link along with it.

 

l2edit

[shellov]

Hi, youngpup. I've been following your post.

 

I think you are right to conclude that a lot of situations in one's life cannot be changed ever. True, some situations will not change even with a great amount of time passing. Ever. It is true that life does not come with any guarantees like this.

 

You mentioned about others having said that to you that you need to change your view on these negative things and accept it. I've been hearing this more from others recently. They say change the way you think of it then you will be happy. Did you try this approach? How did it work out for you? Can this be an option for you?

[shellov]

And youngpup... I think it's not worth it to wait for something that has not given you any peek that things might be better or are better. I feel bad that I cannot give you an accurate number of days or amount of time.

 

To me, what keeps me from pulling the trigger was the everyday affirmation that I don't have the courage to do so. Life is very difficult and in the grand scheme of things, we are all going to be forgotten one way or another. Death will happen anyway whether I come to it first or it approaches me first.

[youngpup]

They say change the way you think of it then you will be happy. Did you try this approach? How did it work out for you? Can this be an option for you?

 

In my case i'm unhappy because i'm single. The proposed solution is to just forget finding anyone - just be happy alone. It really isn't an option.

 

It's not like i'm demanding i win the lottery or something. i want what almost everyone else has: someone.

[youngpup]

I feel bad that I cannot give you an accurate number of days or amount of time.

 

i decided when i as 23 that i would wait until i was 40. i figured that if i haven't had a date by the time i'm 40 - i probably never will. Forty seemed like such a long way off - and i secretly hoped that somehow things would fix themselves in the intervening 17 years.

 

i'm down to 1,635 days. Maybe things will fix themselves.

[Dancergirl425]

I read almost every post in this thread. It really upset me. I can't say I fully understand wanting to die, but I do understand being depressed and lonely. So I can't really give advice on how to fix that (I mean exercising everyday worked for me but its not for everyone), but as for making conversation...

 

I'm in a sorority which after hearing that you're probably going to roll your eyes and laugh, but it really has taught me how to be a better conversationalist. When we are trying to recruit new girls we were taught to always tell stories to engage the other person. Its a better way to connect instead of just asking random questions or saying random things like "uhh its sunny outside". For example if you're in a coffee shop and you see a woman reading a book that you enjoyed talk about the topic its on or what you thought of it.

 

Maybe I'm just young and naive but I believe that there is someone for everyone. My friend's grandma who's 70 something met someone online a few years back. I don't think just because you're going to be 40 you should give up.

 

Again you may find this cheesy but it makes me feel better every once in awhile. link removed

 

also think about it this way: you may not have a SO right now, but you have a lot of people that have taken the time to read this thread (some of them have been commenting back for awhile) and that means that people from this site do care. You're not completely alone.

[youngpup]

Maybe I'm just young and naive but I believe that there is someone for everyone.

 

There are a lot of older people who think that too - it's not strictly a condition of youth

 

link removed

 

i didn't realize where was a whole series of these. link removed, link removed and the original link removed.

 

link removed

[youngpup]

It only happens in the movies - people don't actually find love in real life. Just like only porn stars have sex, and nobody wins the lottery.

 

It can't be real; because this can't be my life.

[waveseer]

I feel like the poster child for the lonely hearts club, however, I intend to make my life worth living whether my heart remains lonely or not.

 

If I sit and dwell on just how alone I feel it will grow. If I take an action like emailing an old friend or calling someone to talk or better yet make plans with someone then I don't feel so alone anymore.

 

Ena is a great place to come when I feel alone, I admit that it's no substitute for an intimate relationship, but it beats the heck out of trying to go it all by myself.

[Fickle49]

My father comitted suicide..it ruined my life..I think it was selfish because maybe his suffering stoped but now I have a lifetime of suffering.. Why would you want anyone to feel the way you do now? Because if you do commit Suicide they will

[youngpup]

My father comitted suicide..it ruined my life..I think it was selfish because maybe his suffering stoped but now I have a lifetime of suffering.. Why would you want anyone to feel the way you do now? Because if you do commit Suicide they will

 

Think about this: what is the alternative?

 

Would you rather he didn't commit suicide? You would rather he stayed alive, suffering horribly every day, so that you don't have to deal with an uncomfortable subject?

 

Either way one of you is selfish. Imagine you got to decide whether his suffering is allowed to end - would you be the selfish one?

 

Edit: i have no kids.

[AWT]

Hi Youngpup,

 

Suicide is the death of possibility, death of future events.. I pulled back from the brink twice, because of little events that made all the difference.

 

Here's a little timeline of my life, (omitting things I don't want to even think about again) - Look what happened in between those lowest points, and what never would have happened had I gone ahead the first time.

 

1992 (age 26)

Studying a degree course to get out of a dead end job

Drug problems, paranoia and acute depression. Lost last of my friends

Still never had a relationship - Unsure of sexuality

Decided to overdose in my room on university residential week

Went to Disco to get drunk enough to go ahead with my plan that night

Met the girl who would become my wife (she made the first move)

 

1993-2007

Married for 14 years - Had 2 children

 

2007 (age 41)

Midlife crisis triggered my sexuality confusion again

Came out as gay.. Divorced

Moved out of family home into lodgings

Daughter stated self-harming

Son treated for depression

 

2008 onwards

My Mum died Xmas 2008

Unhappy gay relationship

Job under threat with credit crunch - Virtually bankrupt anyway

Living alone in crappy flat

Planned to stage fatal car accident to allow family to get insurance

Dad came up to visit - Told me for the first time in my life that he loves me

Have a new baby niece

Rebuilt bridges with extended family that I'd not seen for so long

Job more secure

 

Realise what I have to be thankful for.

 

I will survive.

[Difficult]

What does your therapist say about this situation and how has he or she adjusted your medication in response to your comments?

[scu22h]

You are not alone... I am much younger than you and have ALWAYS held back everything. It might just be me but the only thing that helped for me was talking to someone who has had these thoughts before. I sadly actually tried ending my life, I give you so much props for holding on this long. In a way I look up to people who can resit those thoughts and hold on. I am much stronger now, if you need someone to talk to who knows exactly how your feeling feel free to message me. I may be in my 20s and a female but I too couldnt find love, shy, and just didn't see what the point was anymore. Keep strong you have already came this far...

[youngpup]

Keep strong you have already came this far.

 

Problem with that phrase is that it assumes one is almost to the end; and if you can muster the strength to go a little while longer you'll reach the finish line.

 

It's an eighty 80 mile marathon; and i was exhausted after 23 miles. Four more miles and i'm quitting.

[scu22h]

Someone told me that a few years ago when I was depressed and getting thoughts....I must of took it a differnt way. I thought of it as life in a way is like a marathon. Somewhere it has to end and I didn't want to end it by quitting. I wanted to reach the "finish line". I don't know if your seeking help but I found out professional help and medications made it worse for me. If you are willing to share deeper things in your life going on....I am hear to listen and not tell you what to do. Just priavte message me.

[Difficult]

What does your therapist say about this situation and how has he or she adjusted your medication in response to your comments?

 

Well? What is the answer to this?

[NightLily]

Problem with that phrase is that it assumes one is almost to the end; and if you can muster the strength to go a little while longer you'll reach the finish line.

 

It's an eighty 80 mile marathon; and i was exhausted after 23 miles. Four more miles and i'm quitting.

 

You already quit a long time ago. Now, you are just letting your heart continue to beat and waiting for it to stop.

 

You might be doing a little to improve things.. but are you doing all you can? If you have insurance try out meds or more meds. Join a support group for depressed or bipolar people. They are free. You will meet people and should open up to them. Heck, you might meet a woman.

 

I don't think there is anything fundementally wrong with suicide. I can think of situations where I find it to be justified. But, don't lie to yourself and try to think you have put up an honest fight. From the sounds of it, you have already rolled over.