LonelyMoondancer Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 I won't give up. I have that advice burned into my head I think. Even when I see little reason to go on I just do, for the sakes of others and a little out of hope for myself, that things will change. I confronted my mom today and feel a bit better about that. She did not apologize but whatever, I told her I may want to get into teaching and not some crazy high pressure job, and she is fine with it as long as I am thinking about a career in the first place and not considering dropping out of school. Teaching is something I can see the old me doing, and I can see myself being good at it one day when I've got myself together. I do worry sometimes because I was brought up thinking I have to get a job that pays amazingly well and is prestigious. It only matters what I think though, and what makes me happy. Having that idea linger in my head these last few days has actually been comforting. It feels rebellious in a sense, which I know is stupid because I should leave my parents out of it, but it feels comforting knowing I have the option. If I can figure out how to focus better in school and get better marks it should be okay. A few things still pain me, stupid regrets mostly, but my counsellor is there to help me sort them out. I totally just let four hours go by doing goodness know's what, I need to do some work. But thanks for hearing me out through all these ups and downs. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 You are welcome and youre welcome to keep posting as you feel you need to. Its al about helping out. If you want to share your past issues then do so if not..at least your counselor is helping Link to comment
ellandroader Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 You sound tougher to me than you think you are yourself Well done for confronting things, and for constantly telling yourself not to give up! Link to comment
LonelyMoondancer Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Why thank you I am trying. I actually studied with a friend yesterday and didn't get distracted as much as usual, I think because her presence made me feel like I had to focus. It took forever but I learned the stuff and although it feels weird to say this, I actually think I may have done well on this test, I knew so much of the stuff that it didn't feel like my usual self writing a test. That was definitely nice. And then I had counselling. I was booted out fifteen minutes early which was annoying but I didn't want to be rude and ask why so I didn't. It was a decent session, it made me a bit sad to bring some stuff up but it didn't pain me like the first few times. And my counsellor said she is seeing some patterns... don't know what that's supposed to mean but I'm guessing she is getting a good understanding of me which can only be helpful. I had one issue on the tip of my tongue but I'm so sensitive and shy about it I didn't share, it's about the person I miss from time to time since going away to school. I feel like that issue says a lot about me even though I don't quite understand it myself though, so I have to work up the nerve to bring it up next time. So today is not a bleak day, it's actually okay, and a couple of friends and I are going running outside tonight. I actually think it'll be a good thing for me if I stick to it. Weird thing- it was my idea lol. I thought I should try it if I don't want to drag myself to the gym. Anyway I am in need of a huge nap but hopefully you guys are doing well Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 I am cruising ok. Starting to practice what I preach....grabbing life by the throat and playing to win.. Its good to hear from ellandroader and you too lmd. Sounds like you are winning somewhat...its good to hear you had a good day and studied well. Of course the results should reflect this... So you want to get out? This is very good to hear!! Its really nice to read your posts and this last one sounds the best so far...I am happy for you...Im kinda proud of you too....good stuff... Link to comment
LonelyMoondancer Posted March 26, 2009 Author Share Posted March 26, 2009 Thanks top bloke.Today was far better than most of the days I've been having lately, not as good as yesterday but I didn't feel like I didn't know what to do with myself. It still kind of stunk though, the teaching assistant gave me a hard time again and this time I felt kind of bad because I worked hard and she didn't even want to see it. It didn't get me downtoo bad but it was upsetting; it seems the more positive I set out to be the more challenges are hurled my way trying to make me feel like quitting and going back to being a robot. I shot her an email awhile ago saying I have a lot going on but that I'm doing my best in this course, and she said she wants to collect our thoughts on reading material every week as a form of participation in case some people don't get a chance to speak. I didn't talk today but had great stuff written down, and TODAY she decided she didn't want them, even when I went up by myself asking if she wanted it. I just thought it was heartless, she knew I was the only person who didn't speak and she always takes them, so why not today? And today I have nothing to complain about other than that, so instead of being happy I'm sad with the pain of missing someone. I only ever miss him to this extent when my life feels sad and empty. I don't understand this really. I want to talk about it but don't really know how. I feel like I need to just forget about it but I can't just turn it off. And I don't know why I miss him this much, I shouldn't. Hopefully ellandroader is doing well. Link to comment
ellandroader Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Topbloke - how you doin' pal? LMD..thanks for your concern. I am doing okay, as good as can be. This week has been rough for me to be honest. Love hurts...haha. I am glad you feel somewhat better though. One reason why those roadblocks appear is the very reason why people avoid them - to try and do things and confront your fears take a lot. People can do it but then the problems crop up. So they avoid them. I know you find it difficult but at least you're taking the game to them. That really is the only way to resolve your problems, to face them head on. Have faith, you're doing the right thing. I am telling myself the same too. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Well I am just sticking my head in to say gidday to both of you... You know..its funny how we can sometimes get derailed in our daily travells..by inconsiderate people who we put faith in. Lmd I dont like your teacher...nope. Ellandroader... I dont like your ex. But you know what ? I really like you two. I have a confession.... I also believed that life wasnt dealing myself the greatest cards either. I rationalised my thoughts by letting some people drag me down. You see ..this is where a vast majority of problems occur in our heads. You see...when we react a certain way with negative emotion to these individuals..we derail ourselves. I know its easier said than done but in the last 48 hours something changed hardcore inside....take control of my life.... I refuse to give any situation or person more value than my self worth. Lmd..ellandroader..you are both the good guys. Think about if what I said can help. If you have a flicker od fire in your hearts then dont be afraid to shine..you are both beautiful people and theres no dam reason not to live with passion nor let any person or situation take your self confidence! YOU KEEP IT!! Link to comment
LonelyMoondancer Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 Hello hello, Just wanted to say that although I still have a lot to figure out, I have some ideas of what's troubling me and what needs to be said to my counsellor. I learn about myself when I'm with her and I also learned about myself from you guys. I don't think I'll be digging up this thread so much anymore, because I started it hoping to find people who cared and I found them. So thanks, it helped me more than you'll ever know. I'm still around of course and I know you both are, but I think at this point updating makes me sad sometimes. I'd rather focus on fixing little things and getting out more. But thanks so much for not leaving me alone when I had no one. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Youre welcome...if it makes you sad...leave it alone...take care .. Tb Link to comment
ellandroader Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 That's a shame LMD but I understand....add me to MSN/AIM if you like (you too TB). Just PM me for my address. TB - I don't hate my ex but can see why some might. Eventually with her I can reach Daybreak and move on, see some new good opportunities again and hopefully be willing to embrace them. Link to comment
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