The feeling that it's not over yet...

[Keyman]

A continuation of my thread...

 

I determined that I was not at fault for what happened. She'd dumped me and while I can understand her getting upset that I got out there soon after and started moving on, I had no intention of hurting her. If anything, when the idea of getting back together began, it was met with joy from both sides. Now she wont respond to my emails and I am a little fed up of waiting at her whim when I didn't do anything wrong.

 

On Tuesday, I typed a letter to her telling of my side of the story, why I had gotten out there so quickly after she'd dumped me - to stop myself from from starting down the track of getting deeply depressed like I had with the last one. I told her that I did still want to be with her and that I would always be open to being with her should she get over her issues and decide to want to talk to me. I held off emailing it to her until yesterday, when I sent it telling her that I am beginning preparations to move on again, the door will always be open, but I wont be waiting around incase she decides she might wants me. She knows where to find me and how to contact me when she is ready.

 

So I have been happy. I feel secure in knowing that I have control over my feelings, over where I am in the world and I am not waiting for her to decide my fate. I have decided what I am going to do and if she wants a part of it, she needs to act. Life is good, although I am still listening out for her car should she turn up at my place, or for an email to arrive (I am still waiting to find out what she wants me to do with her mail that arrives in my po box), but I know that in time I will stop doing that.

 

However, this morning, I have had a deeply imbedded feeling that it's not over yet. When I say over, I am not referring to her being out of my life completely, but this thing being sorted out finally. I've said I wont start dating for 2 weeks and I plan to keep this, I know starting the daring process will help, as it will give me the feeling of moving forward instead of just sitting waiting. Perhaps that is why I have this feeling, I am still in the waiting mode until the end of this 2 weeks.

 

Anyway, just me wanting to get some stuff off my chest... Thanks for reading!

[DN]

I think her response or lack of response will tell you all you need to know. The fact that it is 24 hours since you sent it and have not received a reply or an acknowledgment (assuming she had read it) has already told you a lot if you are paying attention.

[Keyman]

I think her response or lack of response will tell you all you need to know. The fact that it is 24 hours since you sent it and have not received a reply or an acknowledgment (assuming she had read it) has already told you a lot if you are paying attention.

 

Yeah, that's pretty much my thinking too. I'm starting the process, but I do keep to my word, so Monday week I start organising a date. As it works out, I'm busy between then and now anyway, but that will be my official move on date. If she can't be mature enough to even make a statement, then I'm glad to be moving on.

 

The mail thing makes me wonder though if she is actually getting her email. I dropped off some mail at her place 10.30 the other night on the way home from a friends and her car wasn't there (highly unusual as she is an early sleeper). I know she is moving, just not when, so she may have moved already and just doesn't have internet? I guess this is just my over thinking mind trying to find possibilities. Am turning it off and am not delivering any more mail for her.