i made it to step 2!!! i need a coach now

[brillyfresh]

i'm so excited!!! these forums have helped me tremendously, and especially Morrigan's "So you want your ex back" topic ... i just reached step 2 yesterday ... after 6 days (can you believe it?) of no contact, she called ... it was about getting the rest of her things from when she moved out at the beginning of this month, but i think she might've just been using it as an excuse to call me

 

anyway, i handled it exactly like the thread suggests, except we ended the conversation mutually, rather than me ending it, and i think i might've embellished my new job too much ... but she seemed genuinely excited about it ... she suggested Sunday to come and get her stuff, and i agreed ... should i have agreed to that, or should i postpone it until a later date? or should i suddenly become "hard to reach/find" these next few days, including Sunday?

 

is this a good sign, or am i just getting my hopes up??

 

i think i'm gonna run into her tonight, because it's 50 cent beer night at the local bar that we both attend, and that draws a fun crowd out ... you guys have been a lot of help so far, so i need a pep-talk ... any thoughts or suggestions about tonight? and for the next few days, including Sunday?

[down_n_down]

Well it sounds like she is starting to want you back. but i think an important thing to keep in mind is that she also may not. Im not tryin to put a downer on you. I think that you should not approach her all nite and show her how much fun you are having. Do not make eye contact with her and if she makes a move to you play it cool and dont let her end the conversation. You must tell her that ur gettin back to ur friends. Keep her on her toes! you've made it to step 2 but remember she still isnt yours. Youve got to keep up your good work and make her want you.

 

As for the days leadin upto sunday, i would keep all contact with her to a minium. If she doesnt call to confirm then dont call her either. keep uo the no contact and she will start thinking that you have moved on with ur life and start to question whether she will want to move on with hers without you. I think that you should let her come round to collect her stuff on sunday because otherwise she might think that the reason that you dont want her to come around is because you still dont want her to move out and that aslong as her stuff is there u still no that she willl come round. You dont want her thinkin this. So again keep the encounter brief and do not show emotion when seeing her out. Stay strong!!!!

 

I would then make more and more of an effort with her, everytime that she attempts contact. This will give her small satisfaction that you might still like you but it will also kill her wondering if u still do!

 

Hope my advice helped! Good look!

[brillyfresh]

thanks .. that does help ... those were my plans for tonight, only to talk if she comes up to me

 

about sunday then ... when she comes over, should i offer a hand in moving her stuff out? i think that that would be a good gesture and a sweet thing to do, but will she just see it as a "contact" and will it push her away?

[brillyfresh]

well, i'm back from the bar, with a new story!! (i'll try not to bore anyone here)

 

as expected, we were both at the bar ... i was hanging out with mutual friends of ours, playing pool, she was hanging out with other mutual friends of ours ... i didn't approach her, make eye contact with her, or even acknowledge her presense there ... only when she came up to where i was did i say "hi, how are you" ... we didn't talk past that, although we traded mutual-friend talking partners at points throughout the night

 

she left with one of them (coincidentally, the one who hooked us up over two years ago), and i stayed and hung out with friends ... i found out from them that she told them that she didn't know if she was doing the right thing, that she was having second thoughts

 

anyway, they suggested that i set up a lunch date with her to talk about things, as they seem confident enough that we can work things out ... but i don't know if that is such a good idea at this point ... she is already gonna be coming over Sunday to get the rest of her belongings (at least if she confirms that)

 

i'm very excited at the latest news, but even more confused for what i should do now? any suggestions???

[Omar_how_creative]

All I can recommend is to go for it! If I would get a chance like that, I would be the happiest man alive. But I won't, so I'm the saddest man alive.

 

Anyway, if she's having second thoughts, and if you still love her, then you have a future together. Because I think she still loves you.

[majord23]

Brilly,

I know it's hard to do, but try and forget about what you were told by her friends the other night. Don't let that influence your behaviour at all...and just continue with the plans that you had before.

 

Remember, she is having second thoughts BUT hasn't made up her mind *yet* to come back for sure.

If you let your bit of 'inside info' effect the way you act with her, you may very well scare her off.

 

You're very close to getting what you want bro....play it cool and be patient. Don't see Sunday as 'D Day' if you know what I mean....don't put too much emphasis on everything falling into place on Sunday - you may end up disappointed if you do, and you could say something to make her feel pressured.

 

Let her initiate conversation around your r/s....don't force the issue and play it cool. She is coming back mate....but she has to do it in her own time.

 

Hope that makes sense.

 

Good luck

[brillyfresh]

good thinking ... that's why i came here .. i knew that you guys would have sound, sensible advice

 

Sunday really is D-Day ... kinda weird too, because it's Leap Year Day, a day that only happens once every four years, so who knows, maybe anything is possible on a day like that

 

i feel confident that everything is working, falling into place, and that she is coming back ... but i'm letting her set the pace ... it's like she has to fall in love with me all over again, and i'm kind of excited about that

 

although we didn't talk much at the bar, i think now that it was a good thing i went (except for this hangover i have now )

 

thanks coach

[Hopingpraying]

Billy,

 

Go with what Majord is telling you. The minute you start to push or act needy they withdrawl. No one wants a needy person they want a confident person. I really do wish I was in your shoes though. Maybe if I play my cards right I can be someday. I don't know how long it will take though. My situation is a bit different than yours, but I won't bore you with the details. I have enough of those in many messages throughout this forum.

 

Anyways good luck, don't think about Sunday being the final day. If she does come to get her stuff and wants to talk to you then listen to what she has to say, but don't act over eager. If she does just take her stuff and run don't act pathetic too that either. Be strong man. Its the only way to do it.

 

Good luck!

[brillyfresh]

she called again today ... but only to ask if i had seen her car registration (you'd think that something like that wouldn't leave your car in the first place ... oh well) ... and i didn't have the chance to end the conversation, because she was at work when she called and in a hurry

 

i might have packed it with some of her stuff that she took last week, but i honestly don't know what she did with it, and i think she's pretty upset about not being able to find it, and she might think that i still have it which, to the best of my knowledge, i don't ... most of her remaining belongings in my place are in the front hallway, and at no point did i come accross her car registration

 

maybe she got pulled over last night, which wouldn't look good to the police officer, her being drunk (i hope the officer didn't notice that) and not being able to provide the officer with a registration ... but that's worst case scenario ... although i don't know of any other reason why she would call specifically for that ... most people don't even think about their car registration until they need it, e.g. getting pulled over

 

and i have my doubts as to whether this is another excuse to make contact with me, because she seemed pretty upset, maybe even a little mad at me ... oh well, it's not my problem i guess ... i haven't done anything wrong that i know of, and i'm going by the rules by not contacting her

 

but if she does find it among the belongings she took last week, i think that she might blame me, and my only reply would be "most people keep their registration in their car" .... should i tell her that? what should i tell her instead?

 

that argument could only get ugly ... not something i look forward to, especially considering my goals to get back with her ... an ugly argument like that is the last thing i need right now if i'm to win her back

[brillyfresh]

well ... found out something tonight

 

i go to the bar again tonight (friday night) and she approaches me, and asks "do you hate me?" i ask her "why? why should i hate you?" she says "just because" ... i tell her "no, i don't have any reason to hate you ... is there a reason i should?" and she says "i've been really bad to you" and got upset and walked off before i could respond .. i thought she was probably just drunk anyway

 

well, that bothered me, even though i didn't show it, and i walk around, check out the people there, look for some friends and talk to them for a while ... at some point i left to go for a walk, and walked by her as she was talking to someone in private ... when i came back, she left within a few minutes

 

i start talking to the friend who hooked us up over two years ago, and after some conversation, found out that she has been seeing someone ... so now i'm upset .... and i broke my resolve and called her house ... lucky for me, she wasn't there, so maybe my no contact streak is still in effect

 

i go back to talking with my friend, and find out more details about the new guy, Andy ... that he's similar to me in caliber, and not just some random guy ... in fact, so similar that it kind of shows that she still loves me and thinks about me, that she's trying to replace me with someone so alike .... so i'm thinking that she has had him in consideration well before she broke up with me, or very soon after breaking up with me (probabaly the former), and i'm guessing that this was the reason she moved out a month ago and later broke up with me

 

but ... he hasn't shared two years of his life with her like i have, and doesn't know her like i do ... and doesn't know how to get under her skin like i do ... the guy she left a month ago doesn't exist anymore, and in his place is a strong, confident, financially secure, very attractive man with a plan 8)

 

my "no contact/getting her back" will go ahead as planned still ... i consider this guy no more than a speed bump, because she has told mutual friends that she is having second thoughts about what she did, and seeing me out there, happy, confident, and very attractive to other girls, is breaking her down ... i will not hesitate to dabble with other girls now though, especially in front of her too, because i know it will drive her nuts ... she is a very jealous type, and i know that while she is seeing someone, he is just a rebound, and she still thinks that i'm waiting on the side for her ... well, at least she thought that ... i know that seeing me with another girl right now would eat her up inside

 

she won't know that i know about her new guy either, and i will avoid even letting her talk about it, until she comes to me more and more because of no contact, and out of jealousy when i start talking to other girls ... with her having second thoughts this soon after breaking up with me, and as long as i keep up the "no contact" and fun encounters, it's only a matter of time before she comes back to me

 

and if we get back together, and when she finally says "i have to tell you something" i will only say "is this about Andy?" and the look on her face after that will be priceless ... that's when she will fall right into the palm of my hand, the point where i will decide if i want a future together, not her

 

not the situation i had expected ... it certainly complicates my approach a lot more, but in time, as long as i keep doing things as i have been, everything will fall into place, and i will have what i want .... whether it's her or not

 

but yes, ultimately, right now i am still going after her

 

or..

do you think that step 2 or 3 is no longer a reality at this point, and i should leave her behind?