brillyfresh

well ... found out something tonight i go to the bar again tonight (friday night) and she approaches me, and asks "do you hate me?" i ask her "why? why should i hate you?" she says "just because" ... i tell her "no, i don't have any reason to hate you ... is there a reason i should?" and she says "i've been really bad to you" and got upset and walked off before i could respond .. i thought she was probably just drunk anyway well, that bothered me, even though i didn't show it, and i walk around, check out the people there, look for some friends and talk to them for a while ... at some point i left to go for a walk, and walked by her as she was talking to someone in private ... when i came back, she left within a few minutes i start talking to the friend who hooked us up over two years ago, and after some conversation, found out that she has been seeing someone ... so now i'm upset .... and i broke my resolve and called her house ... lucky for me, she wasn't there, so maybe my no contact streak is still in effect i go back to talking with my friend, and find out more details about the new guy, Andy ... that he's similar to me in caliber, and not just some random guy ... in fact, so similar that it kind of shows that she still loves me and thinks about me, that she's trying to replace me with someone so alike .... so i'm thinking that she has had him in consideration well before she broke up with me, or very soon after breaking up with me (probabaly the former), and i'm guessing that this was the reason she moved out a month ago and later broke up with me but ... he hasn't shared two years of his life with her like i have, and doesn't know her like i do ... and doesn't know how to get under her skin like i do ... the guy she left a month ago doesn't exist anymore, and in his place is a strong, confident, financially secure, very attractive man with a plan 8) my "no contact/getting her back" will go ahead as planned still ... i consider this guy no more than a speed bump, because she has told mutual friends that she is having second thoughts about what she did, and seeing me out there, happy, confident, and very attractive to other girls, is breaking her down ... i will not hesitate to dabble with other girls now though, especially in front of her too, because i know it will drive her nuts ... she is a very jealous type, and i know that while she is seeing someone, he is just a rebound, and she still thinks that i'm waiting on the side for her ... well, at least she thought that ... i know that seeing me with another girl right now would eat her up inside she won't know that i know about her new guy either, and i will avoid even letting her talk about it, until she comes to me more and more because of no contact, and out of jealousy when i start talking to other girls ... with her having second thoughts this soon after breaking up with me, and as long as i keep up the "no contact" and fun encounters, it's only a matter of time before she comes back to me and if we get back together, and when she finally says "i have to tell you something" i will only say "is this about Andy?" and the look on her face after that will be priceless ... that's when she will fall right into the palm of my hand, the point where i will decide if i want a future together, not her not the situation i had expected ... it certainly complicates my approach a lot more, but in time, as long as i keep doing things as i have been, everything will fall into place, and i will have what i want .... whether it's her or not but yes, ultimately, right now i am still going after her or.. do you think that step 2 or 3 is no longer a reality at this point, and i should leave her behind?

she called again today ... but only to ask if i had seen her car registration (you'd think that something like that wouldn't leave your car in the first place ... oh well) ... and i didn't have the chance to end the conversation, because she was at work when she called and in a hurry i might have packed it with some of her stuff that she took last week, but i honestly don't know what she did with it, and i think she's pretty upset about not being able to find it, and she might think that i still have it which, to the best of my knowledge, i don't ... most of her remaining belongings in my place are in the front hallway, and at no point did i come accross her car registration maybe she got pulled over last night, which wouldn't look good to the police officer, her being drunk (i hope the officer didn't notice that) and not being able to provide the officer with a registration ... but that's worst case scenario ... although i don't know of any other reason why she would call specifically for that ... most people don't even think about their car registration until they need it, e.g. getting pulled over and i have my doubts as to whether this is another excuse to make contact with me, because she seemed pretty upset, maybe even a little mad at me ... oh well, it's not my problem i guess ... i haven't done anything wrong that i know of, and i'm going by the rules by not contacting her but if she does find it among the belongings she took last week, i think that she might blame me, and my only reply would be "most people keep their registration in their car" .... should i tell her that? what should i tell her instead? that argument could only get ugly ... not something i look forward to, especially considering my goals to get back with her ... an ugly argument like that is the last thing i need right now if i'm to win her back

good thinking ... that's why i came here .. i knew that you guys would have sound, sensible advice Sunday really is D-Day ... kinda weird too, because it's Leap Year Day, a day that only happens once every four years, so who knows, maybe anything is possible on a day like that i feel confident that everything is working, falling into place, and that she is coming back ... but i'm letting her set the pace ... it's like she has to fall in love with me all over again, and i'm kind of excited about that although we didn't talk much at the bar, i think now that it was a good thing i went (except for this hangover i have now ) thanks coach

well, i'm back from the bar, with a new story!! (i'll try not to bore anyone here) as expected, we were both at the bar ... i was hanging out with mutual friends of ours, playing pool, she was hanging out with other mutual friends of ours ... i didn't approach her, make eye contact with her, or even acknowledge her presense there ... only when she came up to where i was did i say "hi, how are you" ... we didn't talk past that, although we traded mutual-friend talking partners at points throughout the night she left with one of them (coincidentally, the one who hooked us up over two years ago), and i stayed and hung out with friends ... i found out from them that she told them that she didn't know if she was doing the right thing, that she was having second thoughts anyway, they suggested that i set up a lunch date with her to talk about things, as they seem confident enough that we can work things out ... but i don't know if that is such a good idea at this point ... she is already gonna be coming over Sunday to get the rest of her belongings (at least if she confirms that) i'm very excited at the latest news, but even more confused for what i should do now? any suggestions???

thanks .. that does help ... those were my plans for tonight, only to talk if she comes up to me about sunday then ... when she comes over, should i offer a hand in moving her stuff out? i think that that would be a good gesture and a sweet thing to do, but will she just see it as a "contact" and will it push her away?

i'm so excited!!! these forums have helped me tremendously, and especially Morrigan's "So you want your ex back" topic ... i just reached step 2 yesterday ... after 6 days (can you believe it?) of no contact, she called ... it was about getting the rest of her things from when she moved out at the beginning of this month, but i think she might've just been using it as an excuse to call me anyway, i handled it exactly like the thread suggests, except we ended the conversation mutually, rather than me ending it, and i think i might've embellished my new job too much ... but she seemed genuinely excited about it ... she suggested Sunday to come and get her stuff, and i agreed ... should i have agreed to that, or should i postpone it until a later date? or should i suddenly become "hard to reach/find" these next few days, including Sunday? is this a good sign, or am i just getting my hopes up?? i think i'm gonna run into her tonight, because it's 50 cent beer night at the local bar that we both attend, and that draws a fun crowd out ... you guys have been a lot of help so far, so i need a pep-talk ... any thoughts or suggestions about tonight? and for the next few days, including Sunday?

and oh yeah, i noticed that this topic got moved to the healing forum ... i posted it in the getting back together forum, cuz i'm trying to get back together

i'm not exactly sure if my intentions include testing her ... maybe subconsciously if anything .... i think more that they are a test for me ... since i have made it this far, i can best see first hand my progress if i put it to a test, to see if can handle it the right way ... is that the right thing for me to do at this point though? wow .. talk about coincidence .. she just called, but it was about getting the rest of her belongings, which are still at my place ... i was expecting that call at any time, but i don't know if that was the purpose of her call or not ... she asked how i was doing, and i might've said too much about my recent improvements, but she seemed excited to hear about it ... and i didn't forget to ask her about herself ... she said "it's nice to talk to you" and i returned it so i guess being at campus today, and her seeing me, got her curious ... or at least enough to call about getting the rest of her stuff ... personally, i'd rather that her stuff wasn't part of the conversation, cuz i think it gave her a neutral reason to call me ... like is that her reason to call, or her "excuse" to call? ... and i wonder if was sincerely pleased to talk to me, or if she was just being superficial about it ... girls are so hard to read anyway, she suggested sunday to pick up her things, and i agreed, so now i know that seeing her will be inevitable, whether i go to the bar tomorrow or not ... should i have agreed or not? or should i be "hard to reach/find" in the following days (continuing "no contact"), including sunday? this also means that going to the bar might not be a bad idea, considering that a glance of me today got her curious enough that she called, although she had a prior reason to contact me before is this a good thing that she called? or am i just getting my hopes up?

currently i'm at day 6 of no contact ... tell you what, these have both been tough days, and very self-fulfilling days .. since sunday, when i first found this forum, i have systematically repaired the parts of my life that i had neglected for a long time, and one by one i am fixing them all ... she is the biggest negligence that is on my list of things to fix, even though that might be only one that i can't fix (i really hope i can, and be with her again) ... but here's a new problem that i think you will have good advice for: today i needed to attend to some matters on my college campus, and while i was on lunch break, i saw her ... she was waiting in line for a sandwhich, her back turned ... i don't know if she had already seen me and was keeping her back turned intentionally or not ... anyway, i finished my meal while she was still in line and walked to do the rest of my errands .... directly in her line of sight ... i'm not sure if that was a good idea or not now, but i was thinking that that would make her curious anyway, i know i'm gonna see her tomorrow ... thursday night is fun at the bar (50 cent beer night), and i know she will be there ... i'm not going specifically to see her, but i know i will see her and she'll see me, it's inevitable ... while i'm there i'm gonna try to have my own fun, and the only contact i'll have with her is whatever she initiates ... it will be day 7 for me (the last time i saw her and talked to her was last thursday at the same place, although that time, earlier in the night, i gave her a farewell letter of sorts) it is the only bar i like to frequent, and only on certain days ... thursday is one of those days ... do you think this is a good idea? what should i do?

the more i realize, the more i think i was in a personal depression for the past few months too, the months leading up to the breakup, and i think more and more each day that the breakup was necessary for me to wake up from this "deep sleep" i'll tell you what, this is hard ... it seems like so long since i last saw her/talked to her, when in reality it has only been 5 days ... but since the 3rd day, each day may have gotten harder, but gotten better i know she will contact me eventually, but not because she wants to see me .. she still has some of her belongings at my place, so when she contacts me, i won't know if it is because of that, or because she really wants to talk to me ... or if she's using this as an excuse to talk to me what do you think anyone?

here's what is also complicated: she moved out of my place, but some of her belongings are still here, so i know she will call to get her stuff, and seeing her will be inevitable how should i handle that upcoming encounter?

it really does, thank you i know though that it is only a rough outline, because i have already broken some of those rules, and the week after she broke up with me was a classic case of what not to do, making it only 10 times harder for me now, for each time i contacted her it covers how to handle "i miss you" but what about a more profound statement, like "i love you"? do i return it, or say something like "i know you do", or is that just way out of line? now i think i know what to say if they ask "do you still love me?" ... just ask them a question back (a little reverse psychology): "what does your heart tell you?" (with a good smile on your face of course) ... that way, you don't give them a straightforward answer, which might make them mad, but hopefully might really make them think "what DOES my heart tell me?" ... do you think a response like that is a good idea?

i've decided to give the "no contact" approach a shot, so she will get curious and intrigued by me again and my absense in her life ... the problem is, what do i do if she does get curious and contact me? or what if i run into her by chance when i'm out and about? i know that i will not initiate the contact, as that is a big no-no, but if she initiates contact, and tells me something like "i love you", how do i respond to that? should i tell her i love her back? or is that exactly what i SHOULDN'T do? she asked me to give her time and space, which i intend to do, for the sake of any future relationship i might have with her, and for my own sake while i improve myself and my life to become sufficiently irresistible to her it's still very soon since i last talked to her, only 3 days, so i figured i would ask this before the situation arose ... but if she came to me to talk about us, what stance should i take at this point? i certainly don't want to lose her, at any cost, and i very much want to be with her again, fix what problems we had, and only look forward, to a happy future together

thank you for the advice ... i know i still need to think for myself, but at this point, i would just like to see/hear someone else's opinion and i don't really play video games much anymore, i've been turned off of the idea because of all this, but now i can't spend the time with her that video games took .. i feel so stupid, and helpless, that it took something like this to finally wake me up and slap me in the face, and now that i'm ready to fix my life, i don't have the chance with her anymore ... oh well, i gotta do it for myself, no matter what and i don't understand, means to what end?

anyway, do you think it's too late for me? have i screwed things up permanently between me and her, or if i follow this path of "no contact", can i get her back? is there anything else besides "no contact" that i can do at this point? do you think that "no contact" really is the right thing to do for me? she needs time and space, but i am afraid i will lose her for good if i give her both ... what should i do? i would love to hear feedback from anyone, some advice of what i need to do, what i shouldn't do, but most of all, anything to reaffirm my new decision of improving my life ... and i hope i can help others here with my advice, and inspire others to take the right path, as i have not done, but am doing now and thank you Luckystar, your posts have inspired me to take this path ... you now have a fellow companion, in our quests to get our women back ... good luck to both of us