Proposing Dutch?

[sweetooth]

So I've been seeing this guy for about a month now, not exclusive and because I am not working at my part time job as much due to taking on an unpaid internship, my paycheck is significantly lower. Now I am thinking of proposing dutch whenever we go out and explain to him why...Not because I don't mind spending money (I've paid more than my fair share), but because of this. Has anyone done this when not in an exclusive relationship? I can see myself eventually getting there with him but I don't want to rush exclusivity. Thanks!

[Scorpion Fury]

How does it work out now? Do you normally pay?

[annie24]

no, i wouldn't. who is normally paying now? another alternative is to just alternate who pays when. is he trying to pay for everything? how much does he make? you can also suggest low cost dates like pizza or taking a walk.

[sweetooth]

I offer to pay quite a bit...even if he was the one who asked me out, and he usually takes it. I try not to always offer because I don't want to start paying for everything, not that I think that would happen....There are times that he does pay. I try to keep it fair for both ends, seeing as we are still students and I don't expect a man to pay for everything. He did mention several days ago the real reason why he wanted to stop drinking for 2 weeks was because he wanted to try and not spend so much at the bars...I just don't want to come off as cheap, stingy, etc because I'm not. I just don't budget and I really need too.

[annie24]

you know, in that case, instead of telling him you want to go dutch, why not just pick low cost dates. or just cook dinner for him at your place? that would be nice. if he takes you out to a restaurant, order only 1 drink and maybe order a cheaper dish.

[EQD]

dont propose dutch. just say you'd rather not go out because you dont have the money to spend.

when you propose dutch you are saying 'pay for my food' but the other way you are respectfully telling the truth.

[sweetooth]

Ok sounds good, yeah we do movie nights too which is nice.

 

What confused me EQUS is how paying for dutch = paying for my food. Doing dutch is splitting the bill in half.

 

Alright I will not propose dutch. Thank you for the insight! I just need to really put more discipline into budgeting.

[EQD]

o. i thought dutch was getting the other person to pay. sorry.

[sweetooth]

Oh no definitely not! My bad, next time I should give a definition of what I'm talking about!

[annie24]

and since you are both students - why not propose some other dates on campus? lots of universities have free movie nights or free concerts. something like that would be fun, and not cost either of you anything.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Since money is tight for both of you I don't see any problem with suggesting going dutch. I actually think he would probably be grateful that he wouldn't have to pay for you. Dating and becoming official should be about the person not the money. Since you have been dating a month and both of you have already shown that you are not out to bleed the other person dry then I think it is perfectly fine now to suggest dutch.

[ghost69]

offering would be enough for me.

[purpleduckie]

offering to pay is good i think. going dutch is so awkward, in my opinion, but it could just be my culture. i dont even go dutch with friends. we just fight to death for the bill but secretly alternate. lol

[PixelPusher]

When I first started reading the thread, I thought you were going to propose marriage to someone in Dutch.

[deleted-account]

I hate going dutch. One person should pay for the date, and the other pays on the next date. In the end things come out even, but you don't have to worry about splitting the bill all the time.

 

If you're buying expensive tickets or something like that, each buying your own is ok. Although in situations like that I often have one person buy the tickets and the other pay for dinner that night somewhere nice.