Nc?!

[parlae]

ok, i've been on these forums for a really long time reading stories and everything.

and i've also been reading articles on "how to get back your ex".

 

aside from the fact that i feel like a complete IDIOT for spending so much time on it, i've seen that all of the advice says to go completely NC.

 

now, i know not every person/relationship is the same.

 

but does anyone have an explanation or opinion they could give me on why/how NC works? like, how can that bring someone back to you.

 

and also,

if you've went thru the whole NC stage and it worked to make your ex want you again...

i'd love to hear how long it took for your ex to come back..

 

just trying to keep hope alive.

i know its only been a few days that i've been trying NC, but its hard, and at this point in time i dont feel like i'll get him back. i guess i'm atleast prepared for the worst, if that is true. :sad:

 

thanks everyone.

[Anyway]

aside from the fact that i feel like a complete IDIOT for spending so much time on it, i've seen that all of the advice says to go completely NC.

 

now, i know not every person/relationship is the same.

 

but does anyone have an explanation or opinion they could give me on why/how NC works? like, how can that bring someone back to you.

First of all the intention of NC is to get yourself back and to start thinking clearly again. To answer your question: The human mind always wants what it can't have. So your ex might start missing you because he isn't able to get what he wants. He might realize that he made a mistake etc. The value of anything increases if it's rare.

 

i'd love to hear how long it took for your ex to come back..

They normally come back after you've completely moved on Life is bizarre.

 

just trying to keep hope alive.

i know its only been a few days that i've been trying NC, but its hard, and at this point in time i dont feel like i'll get him back. i guess i'm atleast prepared for the worst, if that is true.

 

If you love him. Let him go. If he doesn't return, it was never meant to be. You'll be fine! I promise ;-)

[Ellie2006]

Hi there,

 

There are numerous threads on the pros and cons of NC and vocal advocates on both sides.

 

BUT if I may offer you my two cents on the issue (after having read many many threads on it):

 

1) NC is NOT done to bring your ex back.

 

2) NC *may* make your ex curious about your silence and they may reach out to you, out of curiosity. The renewed contact then may lead to a reconciliation. BUT it is most likely that it wont, UNLESS the ex had time to reassess the relationship and wants to try again.

 

3) In sum, NC and reconciliation are completely separate; one does NOT necessarily influence the other.

 

4) Finally, NC is really about you. It is a way for you to remove yourself from the heartache and the confusion of the break-up and really SEE the relationship for all that it was, the good, the bad, and the ugly. AND it is also about dealing w/ your emotions in a constructive way, which does NOT degenerate into you losing your sense of integrity by begging your ex to get back together, when it is apparent that your ex has moved on.

 

Hope this helps!

[parlae]

If you love him. Let him go. If he doesn't return, it was never meant to be. You'll be fine! I promise ;-)

yea, i've heard that before.

 

there's a lyric in a song that i really love

it says something like "They say if you love something you've got to let it go. and if it comes back then it means so much more.But if it never does, at least you will know that it was something you had to go through to grow"

 

and i honestly believe it.

i'm just hoping that he'll come back to me and prove my thoughts of "i know we're meant to be together"

 

 

i know i'll be fine without him if he never comes back, but the thing is..i dont WANT to be without him. obviously..

[parlae]

The renewed contact then may lead to a reconciliation. BUT it is most likely that it wont

yea,i was worried of that. :sad:

but i'd still like to hear anyone's success stories of getting an ex back...?

 

and of course,thanks for the insight!

[Ellie2006]

Hey, I hear ya about wanting to "keep the hope alive" bc thinking about the alternative is too hard.

 

BUT I've learned the hard way that even though "keeping the hope alive" helped at the time to maintain my sanity, it also was very self-destructive in that it allowed me to postpone the inevitable: coming to terms with the fact that the relationship was broken.

 

I know it's hard and I am sorry to hear that you're going through this; but as you may have already noticed, there is a great support system here at ENA, people willing and ready to help you through this.

 

So keep you chin up. Like you said, you'll be ok, regardless.

 

Take care of yourself!

[parlae]

thanks ellie!

[Ellie2006]

Lol, sorry that I couldnt be more uplifting in my post! I did NOT mean to be a downer at all. I'm sure people w/ a more "happier" ending will post too.

 

Stay strong!

[parlae]

lol its ok.

i know you're only giving me your opinion and being honest.

[SighSob]

Want your ex back?

 

1. Go No Contact.

2. Work on yourself - gym/haircut/clothes/hobbies/sports

3. Make new friends

4. Meet new guys/girls

 

This won't make you stop thinking about your ex, but it's the best way to guarantee yourself a chance to be happy again, whether alone, with your ex or with someone else.

[parlae]

Want your ex back?

 

1. Go No Contact.

2. Work on yourself - gym/haircut/clothes/hobbies/sports

3. Make new friends

4. Meet new guys/girls

 

thanks, i'm trying to do all of those things.

but how can you be so sure that would work?

[SighSob]

Oh I'm not sure, there's not even a tiny bit of "sureness" in my words...

 

I'm going through the same pain. Got dumped for someone else out of the blue and can't help but wanting her back.

 

But...I know that the world is plenty of girls and honestly chances are my next girlfriend is not going to be my ex! Just like you are going to have another boyfriend who is not your ex! I'm 20, you're 18. Unfortunately (or maybe hopefully!) relationships at this age aren't meant to last.

 

So, I'm doing NC and working on myself because I want to increase my chances of being happy in the future, but since we live in the present right now I'm finding the strenght in the hope it will make me interesting again to my ex's eyes.

 

Hope I explained myself...

[Me and myself]

Hi Parlae

 

The worst thing you can do is to keep hope alive. I've done that and an healing that was supposed to happened in one year (judging by others failled relationships in my life), start to happen only 2 years later. And while I was in hopes, I was suffering like hell.

 

I also tried to go NC to get her back....big mistake. She didn't!

And I believe, judging for all the threads in here, that NC only brings to a reconciliation in a few cases and even in those, most of them fail for the same reasons that lead to the first break-up.

 

The guide line here is: once you move on and don't remember your es anymore, that's when (in a few cases only) they try to get back.

 

M&M

[catfeeder]

Most people are careful to clarify that NC isn't a weapon to get your ex back, but honestly--for most people it's the best (and only) real shot they've got.

 

Look at the contrast between your ex being exhausted and worn out from drama with you versus being given the time and distance to stop feeling pressured and start feeling your absense enough to miss you.

 

Some exes are so relieved to be done, they never want to try again--but any contact will only drive that choice home rather than allow good memories to replace the 'problems' over time. Others take lots of time but start to appreciate what they had. I agree with the person who told you, if it ever happens, it's usually after you've genuinely moved on and don't care as much.

 

I hope this get easier for you soon, but you're in excellent company--anyone who's ever loved enough has had their heart broken.

 

In your corner.

[foreverzero9]

NC i have to say is one of the best ways to help get back your ex, (get back your ex? no. help? definitly)

 

Right now nc for me is the hardest thing to do since i'm finally serious about it but its already given me the chance to get back together with 2 ex's in the past, funny thing is though i was completely over them and didn't want them back.... kinda feels like a double edged sword in a small sense. specially if it happens again lol.

 

Oh! and you wanted stories... don't know if they're the kind you want cuz i didn't jump back. both times they broke up with me, first one called me 4 weeks later and shortly bursted in tears because well... i was gone. after a couple more calls she was so broken down the only way i could help really without sacrifice was cutting the cord, and never answered another call again.

second same situation, but she went to different guy, after apologizing about things and moving on, probably not even 2 months later she started to turn really flirty *i worked with her* and would pretty much say "nice butt" and all that fun stuff, right in front of her boyfriend no less! that was morely humorous. and on my last day wroking she tryed to set up a time to meet but i just said take care and left.

 

If it works i can't say, i believe successful NC is a lot more complicated than the letters, and usually when it works we don't even realize what we did lol. gl btw!

[missymoo22]

Hey girl

I am going through something very similar to you it is a massive rollercoaster of emotions but seriously the best thing you can do is to keep on going with your life make goals/plans and take it day by day and if you need to cry and scream do it and do it loud!!! having your heart broken sucks big time!!! but you have to keep going otherwise you will end up an obsessed crazy person believe me i know.. I am still seeing me ex and we are not back together either and I want to be but at the end of the day you can't make somebody want you if they don't... and I would suggest n/c you will be surprised how empowering it can be if you stick to it, let him phone and txt you and wonder what you are doing and who youré with.. it is funny how a person can suddenly realise what they have lost when the shoe is on the other foot.

Keep your chin up hun..and take one day at a time and surround yourself with family and friends.

[parlae]

thanks everyone

i really appreciate all of your opinions

and everything you've said.

 

i know some things arent what i want to hear (like, not necessarily things that would make me feel better about the situation of getting my ex back)

but thats not what i'm here for.

i'm here to get honest answers, and if there are some things that do give me hope with getting him back, then great.but if not, thats fine too!

 

but i really appreciate EVERYTHING from you guys. its helping alot more than i originally thought it would.

 

i know every person/relationship is different, so only time will tell. and if its meant to be, then eventually we'll work it out, right?

 

trying to stay positive..

[zrehman]

You will do a great job hun!

 

I've been in NC for 30-some days now and its getting a lot easier slowly but surely! I won't lie, yes I still miss and think about my ex a lot here and there, especially when I'm not doing anything, but NC has allowed me to clear my head and look at my relationship from the outside perspective and I finally realized that she was very manipulative and outrageous in the relationship and I'm glad that I don't have to wake up every morning dealing with something new with her.

 

I do love her and miss her still, but I definitely do NOT want to be back with her again. I know that NC and time will help me heal my pain and I deserve way better, just like you do!

 

Good luck!

[parlae]

thanks zrehman.

i know it'll just get easier as time goes by.

but we were together for almost 3 years and have never had any problems that led us to breakup prior to this.we've always worked things out (including some really tough stuff). so thats why i keep thinking to myself, "why wouldnt he come back to me?" if we've made it thru hard times in the past... ya know?

 

i still truly feel like he's the one for me

[quirky]

How NC worked for me: When I split up from my boyfriend i thought the world had come to an end. I left him cos he had become passive and I felt like a desperate little woman-not good. I was in DENIAL for ages. I went through every feeling possible, from deep love to absolute hate and I honestly didn't have a clue as to how to move on without him. NC was pure hell, today I don't know how I found the strength to do it. In that time I discovered a lot about myself, good and bad. I saw myself as an individual away from him and I focused on self improvement. I saw him once 4 weeks after the breakup (disastrous) and then 2 months after the break up he was begging to have me back (even talking about marriage) Ironically they contact you when you've moved on, it's very strange....

[zrehman]

thanks zrehman.

i know it'll just get easier as time goes by.

but we were together for almost 3 years and have never had any problems that led us to breakup prior to this.we've always worked things out (including some really tough stuff). so thats why i keep thinking to myself, "why wouldnt he come back to me?" if we've made it thru hard times in the past... ya know?

 

i still truly feel like he's the one for me

 

Hey hun, I was with my ex for 4 years. And we have been through EVERY hurdle that you could imagine ... And I thought our relationship was meant to be and she was the one for me. I never told my parents about any girl I dated and I dated my previous ex's for long solid years. With my current ex, I felt like she was the one and she was the only one I told my parents about and they even met her ... I'm muslim and my parents are very traditional, so my parents meeting and accepting a woman outside our religion was a HUGE step. However, my ex decided to be selfish and thought it was best that she move on and focus on her career, but still wanted me as a "friend" in her life ... I knew which path that would take me down on, so I just told her that I need my space and once I heal and become stronger - then we can become friends.

 

However, now I realized that I don't want any type of communication with her and I just want to move on and never reminisce about her again

 

How many days NC have you gone?

[parlae]

How many days NC have you gone?

to answer your question,

yesterday was the new "day one" (i broke nc on jan.31st).

but its been 11 days since i've been TRYING NC.

 

but its a little more complicated than that..

 

we officially broke up december 22nd.

but that was pointless because we were still talking everyday,etc. and everything was exactly the same (pretty much like we were still a couple).

then after some things happened on the 19th of january he started ignoring my calls for the next couple days.

on jan.22nd he said he didnt wanna be with me.

so i've been TRYING since then to do NC,but as i've already said..i always find some excuse for calling or text him.

so i've had to start over a few times... *guilty*

[zrehman]

Ah, I'm sorry hun. Trust me its hard to start and maintain NC.

 

I've been exactly were you have been? When I started NC, after a few days, I would miss my ex like CRAZY and want to contact her, but I just told myself of all the reasons why I could not do that and I really feel that if my ex truly loves me, she will come back to me and prove it ... if she doesn't, than its her loss and in the mean time, I will be moving forward and focusing on myself.

 

Just try your hardest to not call him, and you will see that within a few weeks, it will get easier to not have that temptation to call.

[parlae]

i know.

thanks again.

i guess for some reason i'm just searchin for somethin to give me a little hope that it is possible that he'll come back.

but i'm guessin thats not gonna happen lol

[wishingonastar]

I just have to say that you should never give up hope, I don't know why people write things like that. You never know what could happen and if you just stay strong and give everything a chance to cool down with NC, things can only get better. It helps to break the cycle of fighting and things get less painful. I have a story that could help you...my friend got dumped by his girlfriend of 4 or 5 years. He tried to get her back for a year or so by doing NC, begging, all kinds of things. One day she called him up and he went over to her house, and they are back together and engaged. So you just never know! Keep your hopes up and only good things can come from it!