Sam _ Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 This involves me, my gf, and my mother. I met my gf through myspace and got to know each other a bit through there. Then we talked through IM, then through phone calls and texts. We went on our first date on shortly after we started talking, valentines day will be a month since we both first met in-person AND we started dating. We are practically perfect together but my mother won't give us our space. I am 19, 20 this June. My mother and I don't get along on many things. I would move out but I can't find a job that actually pays well so I wound up having to get rid of my car. So I basically have to rely on this witch for transport to just about everywhere. My curfew is 10pm, 8 or 9pm when she doesn't feel like letting me stay out. My gf has a car but is extremely tight on money due to her bills so she can hardly get much gas for her car. If I go ANYWHERE I have to call my mother. And if she finds out i went somewhere and didn't call? My phone gets blown up with calls and voicemails! I don't have anyone else to go to for transportation. The worst part is that my mother says that she likes my gf. This puts a lot of stress on me and my gf, who is the first girl I've ever been with who is actually the least bit descent. My gf is getting to the point that she absolutely despises my mother because she treats me like I'm a child rather than a 19/20 year-old. I've talked to my mother about this and she still doesn't do a freaking thing to help me. My gf and I hardly spend 2 days together a week, both of us want to spend more time together but can't without my mother putting stress on it. Today my gf and I were talking and she was going on about how she hated my mother. I'll show the whole conversation (its text message): Her: Your mother really pisses me off. She is just too clingy, she treats you like a **** five-year old. I really want to see you more. Me: I know, she pisses me off too. I keep talking to her about lightening up but she is too hard-headed for any logical or rational thought or reasoning to get through to her. Her: She never lets you do anything with me which causes issues with me and you. Your absurd curfew and us not being able to see each other because your mommy won't let you. Me: Was that last part about "mommy" directed more at me or my warden? Her: Not necessarily you. Me: Most usually break up with me by now because of her crap. Her: Yeah Me: You think about it? Her: What do you mean? Me: You think about breaking up? Her: I don't know. Me: I really hope you don't Her: I don't know. I really don't I really didn't know what to say after that because I can't stop thinking about the fact that she seems like she is actually thinking about breaking up with me. I really don't know what to do because I don't want to lose her. Please, no one say that she isn't right for me because I really do know that she is. Our life experiences are exactly the same minus one or two details in some of them and the over-bearing mother. And we have very few differences, her closest friend told me recently that our personalities are "indistinguishable for the most part" and that she has opened up to me about stuff in a matter of a couple weeks that took her friend months. I really don't want to lose her and would do anything not to. I know it isn't the end of the world if we break up, but I seriously would discommunicate my own mother from my life if this happens again, especially with this girl. Please, what can I do here? Link to comment
redhearts Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Her house, her rules. Link to comment
Sam _ Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 She should be willing to comprimise but is completely unwilling. A 20-year old should not have a curfew of 8pm and maybe one of 10pm once a week. And it is always when I'm with whoever I'm dating at the time. Link to comment
gidget1 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 If you act your age, your mother will treat you as an adult. If you can work out your own transport to and from venues (do you have buses, cabs, trains where you live?! most places do.) then your mother wont feel the responsibility over you. I stopped asking my parents to pick me up late at night at the age of 15. I didn't expect them to, I was a big girl then and I was very able to catch public transportation. If this fails, then how about you get a job that pays well and then you can afford your car - or even petrol for the new girlfriend's car so she can help you out from time to time. Link to comment
Sam _ Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 I'm applying everywhere right now. Literally everywhere and checking in every chance I get whether by phone or in-person. I don't have enough money for cab. Cab fare is beyond outragious here and we have no bus transport other than school buses. She doesn't have to get on me about grants or student loans for college because I'm handling that very well. The only thing I can't do is cook for myself, but my GF is (trying lol) to teach me how. Link to comment
gidget1 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Well why don't you spend more time with your girl during your curfew hours? If your mother wont extend your curfew then you either move out to get away from it, or you put up with it & work around it. Stay at her house (I'm assuming you're allowed to sleep at places that aren't your own?) or visit her only during the day. If you try your hardest to see your girlfriend when you can, then she shouldn't complain about it. And, if she does, then it's tough love for her because she shouldn't care about how often she sees you as long as you make the effort, talk to her often, etc. Maybe mother is being hard on you due to the lack of job, etc. Link to comment
Sam _ Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 I have a job and I give half of my paycheck to her to help with bills, which is about $100. Then I have to spend the rest on MY bills. Whatever is left, I put in a savings account. Not allowed to stay at other peoples' houses unless she knows them personally, likes them, and are guys unless they are gay or bi. She has no problem with gay or bisexuals, she just doesn't want me to do anything. Even though I'm not gay or bi. My gf works the graveyard shift and must sleep in the day. Sleeps from 8am to 4pm. Everything goes to bills and her mother, same situation as me with money. Link to comment
gidget1 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Then I believe that the only thing you can do is put up with her rules, try and bargain with her for an extended curfew, or get a well paying job quick smart. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Your mother is hella strict, considering you're amost 20, WOW. But yep, get a second job or a better one (I know you're looking) and move or whatever, but in the meantime, her house. Link to comment
Himynamesbob Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 sneak out. it's what i did Link to comment
gidget1 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 sneak out. it's what i did haha, if you can't gain your parents trust & respect... go behind their back! Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 What sucks about this is that the basic thing is that it's true: her house, her rules. You've got to find a way to spend as much time as possible with your girlfriend during your curfew hours. That's about it. Unfortunately, you're just going to have to accept that this is the way it is until you can find a decent paying job. Do you have any skills? Link to comment
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