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I have a theory


Sean

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I have a theory, that I came up with after hearing too many of my friends complain about their relationships. People are with, who they're with, because ultimately, they want to be with that person. People may complain about their partners, they may say that they don't want to be with that person, etc. However, if night after night, they choose to go home to that or with that person, then they're with them because they want to be.

 

I started to come up with this theory after hearing from one of my friends that she's "trapped", and yet she does nothing about it. Apparently her "entrapment" is debt. I used to believe her, but I dunno, I guess I became disillusioned with the whole thing.

 

Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe people really can become trapped, or maybe they aren't with the person because they want to be.

 

Thoughts?

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I've seen that sometimes, it's not so much they want to be with that person so much as fear of the unknown that keeps people in situations.

 

Your friend may be so afraid of what she imagines might happen to her financiallly if she left, that staying seems to be the better option. If she stays, she has a pretty good idea of what to expect based on what's already gone on. If she leaves, it's all a big question mark.

 

Ever hear the phrase "the (crap) you know is better than the (crap) you don't know"?

 

My observation has been that fear is a common (de)motivator for people and is enough to keep them in jobs, relationships, situations that are less than ideal. That particular brand of misery is familiar at least...and there is some comfort in that.

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Some people are co-dependent and really are trapped, emotionally.

 

Also I have noticed some married people who feel trapped by children in the relationship as well as the security.They live together in sacrifice.Enduring each other..not a good way to be.Kids need to see the parents love towards each other and base their future perceptions from there.

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There is no comfort in fear. I was afraid of my ex husband and the unknown looked good compared to him. I didn't let the door hit me in the behind when I left. I think some people enjoy the drama of a dysfunctional relationship. I had a small baby under a year old and nowhere to really go. I was scared, so I left with the clothes on my back and a car seat for the baby. I think I've done okay.

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Alot more married people than most think too..Its just a bit sad.. In any case.I am learning fast and helping a few fix their relationships by talking to the husbands actually. Feelings can be rekindled more often than not..

 

I have considered talking to my friend's bf, but I don't think she'll like that. However, I think he's miserable too.

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I have considered talking to my friend's bf, but I don't think she'll like that. However, I think he's miserable too.

 

Depending on who you are closer to I have been finding out here that you need to give at least one of them the idea on how to salvage their situation .Then they go and try.Most reasonable people try to work at their relationships when they realise that there is hope of true love sparking back right up.Who wouldnt?

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I agree that it's fear holding people in dead end relationships. Without the fear:

 

1. I took on all the debt because it requires less interaction with the ex and I get to make sure it's paid in full in a timely manner.

 

2. Because of the kids I did try every last thing I could think of to encourage a positive interaction between us and between him and the kids, nothing worked including professional advice. At that point it became obvious that 1 unhappy parent was better than 2 unhappy parents.

 

Most people can find a solution if they want one badly enough, even for fear.

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Depending on who you are closer to I have been finding out here that you need to give at least one of them the idea on how to salvage their situation .Then they go and try.Most reasonable people try to work at their relationships when they realise that there is hope of true love sparking back right up.Who wouldnt?

 

Well my friend doesn't want to work at it anymore, according to her, she's tired of him not putting in his worth.

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I agree that it's fear holding people in dead end relationships. Without the fear:

 

1. I took on all the debt because it requires less interaction with the ex and I get to make sure it's paid in full in a timely manner.

 

2. Because of the kids I did try every last thing I could think of to encourage a positive interaction between us and between him and the kids, nothing worked including professional advice. At that point it became obvious that 1 unhappy parent was better than 2 unhappy parents.

 

Most people can find a solution if they want one badly enough, even for fear.

 

I am touched...you have done the right thing..

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I have a theory, that I came up with after hearing too many of my friends complain about their relationships. People are with, who they're with, because ultimately, they want to be with that person. People may complain about their partners, they may say that they don't want to be with that person, etc. However, if night after night, they choose to go home to that or with that person, then they're with them because they want to be.

 

I started to come up with this theory after hearing from one of my friends that she's "trapped", and yet she does nothing about it. Apparently her "entrapment" is debt. I used to believe her, but I dunno, I guess I became disillusioned with the whole thing.

 

Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe people really can become trapped, or maybe they aren't with the person because they want to be.

 

Thoughts?

 

I agree with this to a degree. A better what we phrase it, is that "We choose to be trapped, we choose to invite them to give us things to complain about." Often times we are out of touch with our wants, and needs.

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I agree with this to a degree. A better what we phrase it, is that "We choose to be trapped, we choose to invite them to give us things to complain about." Often times we are out of touch with our wants, and needs.

 

How do we get in touch with our wants and needs?

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